MIL parking across the street daily — tell DH?

[Anonymous]

I’m terribly sick and home this week and have been camped out in our front living room to avoid the rest of the house, which is how I noticed this.

On Monday morning, my MIL pulled up and parked across the street. She stayed in her car for a while (never got out), then left. The same thing happened yesterday. Just parks, sits, occasionally looks around, and leaves.

For context, DH and MIL had a falling out in late 2024 and haven’t really spoken since, other than brief texts around a family death and one time last summer when they tried, unsuccessfully, to reconnect. This estrangement has actually brought DH a lot of peace. It’s the calmest I’ve seen him about his family in nearly 30 years.

We both normally work during the day (including holidays like Presidents’ Day), so she would reasonably assume no one is home. Our kids are young adults and not living here full-time, so this doesn’t seem related to them.

If I weren’t home sick, I wouldn’t even know this was happening, which makes me wonder how long she may have been doing this without us realizing (and no, we don’t currently have a working Ring, but I think I will get on that this weekend).

I’m unsure whether to tell DH. On one hand, it feels like something he should know. On the other, it may be nothing and I don’t want to disrupt the peace he’s found if there’s no reason to.

Would you tell your spouse now, or wait to see if it escalates?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I would tell my husband. I see no reason to keep the info from him.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

[Anonymous]

Of course.

[Anonymous]

Sad.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't tell unless you have some reason to believe she's dangerous. I feel like this behavior - driving to the house and not getting out of the car or speaking to anyone - is much more sad than scary, given they haven't spoken in so long.

My DH is no-contact with his mother and I would tell him if this happened to us, but she has serious documented psychological diagnoses. If they didn't speak because of a political schism or argument over inheritance or him feeling like she didn't take accountability for something that happened in his childhood, I would treat it differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

OP here. I did! My main concern is that this is some sort of manipulation attempt to get him to reach out. She has done this in the past, feigning medical emergencies, etc. I theorize she believes we have a working camera and may notice her and reach out asking why, or maybe hopes a neighbor notices and asks? Does that make sense?

If there was a real issue or emergency, wouldn’t she or someone else reach out to DH? It just feels manipulative somehow, I just know her too well.

[Anonymous]

Go out and talk to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go out and talk to her.

This. Say hello and go out and talk to her while she is sitting in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

OP here. I did! My main concern is that this is some sort of manipulation attempt to get him to reach out. She has done this in the past, feigning medical emergencies, etc. I theorize she believes we have a working camera and may notice her and reach out asking why, or maybe hopes a neighbor notices and asks? Does that make sense?

If there was a real issue or emergency, wouldn’t she or someone else reach out to DH? It just feels manipulative somehow, I just know her too well.

That makes sense to me. I still maintain that you should tell him. You wouldn’t want something to happen and to then lament not having told him earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't tell unless you have some reason to believe she's dangerous. I feel like this behavior - driving to the house and not getting out of the car or speaking to anyone - is much more sad than scary, given they haven't spoken in so long.

My DH is no-contact with his mother and I would tell him if this happened to us, but she has serious documented psychological diagnoses. If they didn't speak because of a political schism or argument over inheritance or him feeling like she didn't take accountability for something that happened in his childhood, I would treat it differently.

No diagnosis that we are privy to; at the very least she’s emotionally immature. Their issues run deep; a lifetime of “things”, culminating at the end and him just having “enough”. I don’t believe she’s dangerous at all.

[Anonymous]

This is manipulation and a form of control. Don’t give her the power she wants. Do some exciting things she can see like plant flowers when it’s warmer so she can see life goes on without her.

[Anonymous]

As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to tell him. This is very strange behavior and he needs to know.

And I know he’ll ask you if you’re sure if it’s her. Did you happen to take a picture?

OP here. I did! My main concern is that this is some sort of manipulation attempt to get him to reach out. She has done this in the past, feigning medical emergencies, etc. I theorize she believes we have a working camera and may notice her and reach out asking why, or maybe hopes a neighbor notices and asks? Does that make sense?

If there was a real issue or emergency, wouldn’t she or someone else reach out to DH? It just feels manipulative somehow, I just know her too well.

That makes sense to me. I still maintain that you should tell him. You wouldn’t want something to happen and to then lament not having told him earlier.

How would you even bring this up? The more I think about it, if she comes again today, that will be very bizarre. I hate that he has to deal with this now. I feel for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom to 3 boys this makes me feel so, so sad.

What does this have to do with you? Are you emotionally mature? Do you treat your sons with respect? Do you plan to continue respecting them and their families into adulthood? Do you plan to be manipulative to get your way?

No? Then why are you sad for yourself?