Phones In Grade Four? What?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid got a phone around that age. She’s now a HS senior with a 4.0 GPA and 1550 SAT, who has learned strategies for putting the phone down and getting work done. Giving your kid a phone later doesn’t necessarily make them better equipped to learn how to control their phone usage. Arguably it makes them less equipped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got my 5th grader a phone (VERY reluctantly) when school started this year, because he is taking the bus home and will be at home alone for up to 30-45 minutes. We have two different neighbors who are aware of the plan and will usually be home in case of an emergency, but we still felt like it was important for him to be able to call us or a neighbor if he needed help, so we don't have to rely on the neighbors.

We could NOT find a "dumb" phone without any internet access (if you already have one, that is probably your best bet or maybe you can find one used).

My husband found an app to lock down any and all apps and so he can literally do NOTHING except make phone calls during certain times, listen to spotify family, and we let him have the weather app lol.

He originally had access to his camera/photos; however, we discovered he took some inappropriate photos on the school bus - another child giving the middle finger and so he showed us he is not ready to have access to that. NO access to messaging. TBH, kids can get in SO much trouble without even understanding the consequences through texting, photos, and of course social media.

He knows that if he misbehaves, he will have the phone taken away & will have to go to after-school care (which makes for a very long day for him). He will not have access to additional apps on his phone until he is much older, but I will allow him to call his friends and chat if they want to talk on the phone.

You gave him a CELL PHONE for being at Home? He can use a landline....wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only kids I know who had phones that early had divorced parents.

+1

Which I sorta get but then it’s annoying because they have free range access to the internet and my kid has told me he’s seen YouTube videos and things he isn’t supposed to watch on his friend’s phone. I try to relax on it because I know I can’t fully control what my kids see outside the home, so I try to keep a running dialogue with them about the realities of the internet and how anyone can post anything. I’d rather he come tell me what he saw than worry I’m going to flip out over it.

That said I don’t understand why divorced parents can’t just get their kid a dumb phone? There are old school cells that just have call and texting abilities.

My kid just finally got a gizmo watch in 5th. That seems sufficient for now.

[Anonymous]

OP, who cares what other parents are doing? You decide for your kid! My oldest is 16, and so far I have never been swayed by “but everyone else gets to…” Neither were my parents.

We did end up getting our younger kid a phone (well, my old phone) in 6th grade. However, it’s just for calling or texting us if plans change, having a phone while home alone (no landline), FaceTiming grandparents, and photography. No social media or YouTube or group chats. Phone is put away unless there’s a specific need for it.

[Anonymous]

I actually do think it matters what the other parents are doing. If we (parents) could all agree to age gate things like cell phones and social media (which I think is the bigger worry in regards to a smart phone), all of our children would be better off. I think 8th grade is reasonable for a phone that is not connected to the internet. But no social media until at least 16 - I hope by the time my kids are that age it is the law!

[Anonymous]

Phone is not allowed to use during school hours in mcps. I have no desire to get my ES kid a phone or a watch that can call or text. They are in aftercare and I don't know what stupid things they can do if they have phone. They have their own tablets at home for internet access and it shuts down at 9pm. I am sure that it looks cool to have a phone as a young kid. Well I am not sure about it, maybe MS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only kids I know who had phones that early had divorced parents.

+1

Which I sorta get but then it’s annoying because they have free range access to the internet and my kid has told me he’s seen YouTube videos and things he isn’t supposed to watch on his friend’s phone. I try to relax on it because I know I can’t fully control what my kids see outside the home, so I try to keep a running dialogue with them about the realities of the internet and how anyone can post anything. I’d rather he come tell me what he saw than worry I’m going to flip out over it.

That said I don’t understand why divorced parents can’t just get their kid a dumb phone? There are old school cells that just have call and texting abilities.

My kid just finally got a gizmo watch in 5th. That seems sufficient for now.

I think one thing that happens in divorced families is that when parents disagree on phones, the more permissive parent wins the argument (because each parent has custody periods, and whatever is permitted during the more permissive parent's custody time becomes the floor). Married parents also disagree on phones, but since everyone lives in the same house, there's no opportunity for the more permissive parent to just buy the kid a phone and force the other parent to deal with it.

In really dysfunctional divorces, the parents sometimes compete for the kids' affection with permissiveness so it's a real race to the bottom. Which is how you wind up with 4th graders who have unlimited TikTok access.

I have never judged anyone for getting divorced, I get that sometimes it's what makes the most sense for everyone involved. But having an elementary age kid and encountering these dynamics has made me better understand the downsides of divorce as they extend beyond the family unit. My kid recently changed schools and the new school has a WAY lower percentage of divorced families. Phones were a huge problem at the old school; they are a non-issue at the new school. These issues are related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens here. Our kids' friends mostly got phones in 6th. We waited till 7th but we know families who waited till 9th. Pressure mounts every year. Get together with as many of your kids friends' parents as you can. Make a pact to hold off together.

Meh. This must vary by class. My kids’ K-8 started asking parents to sign the Wait Until 8th pledge a couple of years ago. Almost all of the parents in my daughter’s 5th grade class have signed it. Most 7th graders have phones. I assume their parents think it’s beneficial for the kids to have them at that age.

I'm talking about a group of parents weathering it out together. Not a school form. How many parents do you know who thought it was beneficial back when they bought the phone or introduced the iPad - but they regret it later? I know scores. I know it's annoying when older parents say, "learn from my mistakes." But here we are.

I don’t know how many parents thought it was a mistake—they seemed awfully eager to hand the devices over! It’s been interesting watching it play out. From what I’ve seen, the kids who have smartphones either ignore the people in the room with them or use the phone to post/text/record inappropriate material. I’m not sure what part of that parents were excited about, but nobody forced them to give their kid a phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it is crazy giving a smart phone to an elementary school student. you're going to destroy their attention spans. and don't complain when they become phone addicts.

I'd be willing to bet that a lot of parents who give smart phones to elementary school students are either phone addicts themselves, or are not very focused on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:watch is great

This is crazy. She doesn’t need a smart watch either.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 boys in middle school (7th & 8th). We got them Apple Watches for their summer birthdays before the start of 5th grade. They both had a watch-only phone line that was $10/month per phone and the watches were $235 each. If we were doing it over again, I would just buy refurbished Apple Watches online - it's about $140 for a refurbished Apple Watch SE 2nd Gen now. My boys were the last of their friend group to get watches, but they all had them by late 4th/start of 5th. The Apple Watches can be controlled from an app on my phone - I can control all their contacts, what apps they install and a school schedule so their notifications are off during school hours.

At this age they also started biking to friends' houses, to playgrounds and the neighborhood pool and having the watches were really important to us so they could be independent yet easily reachable. We live near Annapolis in Anne Arundel Co.

We just got our older son his first iPhone just before the start of 8th grade - also a refurbished model; all his friends already have phones. I still approve any app they install and they don't have social media. The phone can definitely amp up screen time since it has so much more functionality. He still has his watch...so we can still take away devices during the week. I admit I meant to have no screens on weeknights but instead we will let them have about an hour after dinner when all their homework is done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of teens here. Our kids' friends mostly got phones in 6th. We waited till 7th but we know families who waited till 9th. Pressure mounts every year. Get together with as many of your kids friends' parents as you can. Make a pact to hold off together.

Meh. This must vary by class. My kids’ K-8 started asking parents to sign the Wait Until 8th pledge a couple of years ago. Almost all of the parents in my daughter’s 5th grade class have signed it. Most 7th graders have phones. I assume their parents think it’s beneficial for the kids to have them at that age.

I'm talking about a group of parents weathering it out together. Not a school form. How many parents do you know who thought it was beneficial back when they bought the phone or introduced the iPad - but they regret it later? I know scores. I know it's annoying when older parents say, "learn from my mistakes." But here we are.

I don’t know how many parents thought it was a mistake—they seemed awfully eager to hand the devices over! It’s been interesting watching it play out. From what I’ve seen, the kids who have smartphones either ignore the people in the room with them or use the phone to post/text/record inappropriate material. I’m not sure what part of that parents were excited about, but nobody forced them to give their kid a phone.

I brought this up at a tipsy Moms Night Out (in vino veritas) and they basically said their kids would be left out if they werent in the first cohort of kids-with-phones. They want popular kids more than anything else. One mom admitted her 10 year old had found porn but insisted that "he cant be left out when the boys are making plans. He needs that phone." I pointed out that my boy and many other boys in the class had no phones but of course they dont count.

[Anonymous]

My older 2 got heavily parentally controlled old iPhones in 5th and plan to do the same with my 3rd child.

The only things they have access to on the phones at first are calling, texting, and apps like photos and calculator etc. No internet access, and no downloading of apps. Time limits. Really is not difficult to set up.

Why the phones? Because we drop aftercare in 5th grade so they come home alone to an empty house. It is a convenience for ME not them.

Has not been a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Good information. We’re not there yet, but thanks for the heads-up.

I really wish the Wait Until 8th Pledge included the concept of ipads/group chats. I've already seen bullying on the group chat in our small school and then the side chats that spin off after the bullying. Please remind your kid that a lot of emotion/feeling/sarcasm gets lost in text. Think of how many times we "misunderstand" each other on dcum - and now imagine you are 11 and just learning how to navigate complex feelings and ranging hormones at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Good information. We’re not there yet, but thanks for the heads-up.

I really wish the Wait Until 8th Pledge included the concept of ipads/group chats. I've already seen bullying on the group chat in our small school and then the side chats that spin off after the bullying. Please remind your kid that a lot of emotion/feeling/sarcasm gets lost in text. Think of how many times we "misunderstand" each other on dcum - and now imagine you are 11 and just learning how to navigate complex feelings and ranging hormones at the same time.

PP here. To be clear, I am not against ipads. You want to let your kid watch youtube all they want, go for it. It is the group chats on the ipads that are toxic.