Phones In Grade Four? What?!

[Anonymous]

I understand extenuating circumstances and the wish to stay in touch, but it’s a can of worms. I really suggest holding off as long as possible and not giving your kid what will ultimately be extra stress. Kids can do what we did when out in neighborhood - check in occasionally.

I have a fourth grader who also has friends with watches/phones, and I don’t get it. He shares that friends are playing games on their watches or even watching YouTube on their phones (and now my kid is watching YouTube on your kid’s phone…) on the bus. Yes, there are some conveniences, but it’s not worth the drawbacks.

Anyway, my kid asked and I said no, and that’s it. I feel ZERO guilt bc I am confident I am making the right choice.

OP, no phones for elementary kids. Not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand extenuating circumstances and the wish to stay in touch, but it’s a can of worms. I really suggest holding off as long as possible and not giving your kid what will ultimately be extra stress. Kids can do what we did when out in neighborhood - check in occasionally.

I have a fourth grader who also has friends with watches/phones, and I don’t get it. He shares that friends are playing games on their watches or even watching YouTube on their phones (and now my kid is watching YouTube on your kid’s phone…) on the bus. Yes, there are some conveniences, but it’s not worth the drawbacks.

Anyway, my kid asked and I said no, and that’s it. I feel ZERO guilt bc I am confident I am making the right choice.

OP, no phones for elementary kids. Not needed.

At least in my school I've noticed it's often the "social butterfly" queen bee striving moms that get their kids phones, apple watches, and other items that should be for older students. They want their kids to be cool kids instead of nerds. I assume it's the same parent crowd that will be buying their highschool aged kids and friends alcohol when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents think they are doing great by not giving their kid a phone, but then give their kid an iPad with group chats. How do we raise the alarm on the group chats? NOTHING good comes out of the group chat.

Good information. We’re not there yet, but thanks for the heads-up.

I really wish the Wait Until 8th Pledge included the concept of ipads/group chats. I've already seen bullying on the group chat in our small school and then the side chats that spin off after the bullying. Please remind your kid that a lot of emotion/feeling/sarcasm gets lost in text. Think of how many times we "misunderstand" each other on dcum - and now imagine you are 11 and just learning how to navigate complex feelings and ranging hormones at the same time.

I think its really lost on people that the issue isn't necessarily the smart phone but the apps. My middle schooler has a smart phone, but it only texts parent-approved contacts, plays Spotify, let's her put books on hold at the public library, shows the weather, the family Google calendar, and has an alarm/calculator. She's not addicted at all and it's been great. There are no games, social media or YouTube.

Meanwhile other parents judge her having a smart phone while their kids mindlessly binge YouTube and bully kids in chat rooms on an iPad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand extenuating circumstances and the wish to stay in touch, but it’s a can of worms. I really suggest holding off as long as possible and not giving your kid what will ultimately be extra stress. Kids can do what we did when out in neighborhood - check in occasionally.

I have a fourth grader who also has friends with watches/phones, and I don’t get it. He shares that friends are playing games on their watches or even watching YouTube on their phones (and now my kid is watching YouTube on your kid’s phone…) on the bus. Yes, there are some conveniences, but it’s not worth the drawbacks.

Anyway, my kid asked and I said no, and that’s it. I feel ZERO guilt bc I am confident I am making the right choice.

OP, no phones for elementary kids. Not needed.

+1

We are "hell no's" on giving our elementary school kids phones or watches, and we're hoping to hold out until high school. We'll see if that happens. But right now it feels 100 percent like the right decision.

[Anonymous]

It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

But what screens do your kids have access to? Let me guess, they both have an iPad with iChat, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older 2 got heavily parentally controlled old iPhones in 5th and plan to do the same with my 3rd child.

The only things they have access to on the phones at first are calling, texting, and apps like photos and calculator etc. No internet access, and no downloading of apps. Time limits. Really is not difficult to set up.

Why the phones? Because we drop aftercare in 5th grade so they come home alone to an empty house. It is a convenience for ME not them.

Has not been a problem.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

But what screens do your kids have access to? Let me guess, they both have an iPad with iChat, right?

Sorry, iMessage. Not an Apple person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

But what screens do your kids have access to? Let me guess, they both have an iPad with iChat, right?

No. We have two TVs and a Nintendo switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

But what screens do your kids have access to? Let me guess, they both have an iPad with iChat, right?

Sorry, iMessage. Not an Apple person.

Our kids have iPads but there’s no messaging capability. They can call us on FaceTime if needed, and they have gizmo watches which are very helpful when roaming the neighborhood with their friends. I like them to have independence but also the ability to get in touch. Phones - we plan to wait for high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is going to get a phone in eighth grade. END OF DISCUSSION! However in her fourth grade class a lot of parents are getting their kids phones. Should I get her an Apple Watch? Should I cave and get her a phone? A dummy phone? I think the other parents need to be better but I don’t really know what to do, I’m not going to get her a phone. Should I get her one? Great, now I’m crying!

OP stick w your original thought of waiting until 8th (or later) to get your kid a phone. Or an Apple Watch. They do not need that in elementary. I have a 5th grader and a 3rd grader. Both have some classmates who have phones and smart watches but also many classmates who don’t. Do you know for sure that “a lot” of your kids’ classmates have phones? Or is that just what your daughter told you? If even 2-3 classmates have something then my kids will typically claim “everyone” does 😂

But also, even if she is actually the only one without a phone, that’s ok. Stick w your idea to wait. Kids don’t need internet access in their pocket or on their wrist.

Our plan is no smart watch til middle school (w lots of parental controls), no phone until high school (still w lots of parental control) and then no social media til age 16.

[Anonymous]

We started with a watch at the end of 5th for our oldest and just got him a very locked-down iphone in 7th. You would have thought we were forcing him to attend school in a dunce cap and burlap sack. We know many families that started with phones in 4th or earlier, and he was definitely the last in his group of friends to have one. Interestingly, our 4th grader's friend group does not have them yet so I hope the tides are turning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not hard to not give your kids phones. Our don’t have them but have friends that do. Just make sure your kids are raised the way you want to. You can’t control the world. Just your household.

But what screens do your kids have access to? Let me guess, they both have an iPad with iChat, right?

DP. My 4th grader does not have an iPad and has never been on any kind of chat service. She can use her dad's tablet or my laptop for certain activities (homework, playing Minecraft) but it's supervised and the only apps she has access to are Spotify, I-Ready, and Minecraft. She is only allowed to use these screens in a common area with adults present.

We will not permit a chat app until 5th at the earliest, and only if we know all the kids on it and their parents and everyone agrees to supervise the chat. We may get her a Gizmo watch because she'll be able to walk home from school alone in 5th and we'd want it for safety, but the only people who she'll be able to chat with to start will be us and her grandparents.

No phones and no social media until 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only kids I know who had phones that early had divorced parents.

+1 You're not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only kids I know who had phones that early had divorced parents.

+1 You're not wrong.

Yep, these are the mean girls too.