Phones In Grade Four? What?!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is going to get a phone in eighth grade. END OF DISCUSSION! However in her fourth grade class a lot of parents are getting their kids phones. Should I get her an Apple Watch? Should I cave and get her a phone? A dummy phone? I think the other parents need to be better but I don’t really know what to do, I’m not going to get her a phone. Should I get her one? Great, now I’m crying!

[Anonymous]

You just said end of discussion. You didn’t mean it.

Most kids will have them to start middle school if not before. It’s not ideal, it just is what it is. You have to decide what you will do.

[Anonymous]

OP I am seeing this in THIRD. I feel like these parents must just not be paying attention to anything that is happening in the world? I don't understand why you would do this. And they aren't getting them flip phones, either, they are getting them smart phones. It's insane.

But I am holding strong. We have been saying for a couple years now that we will likely to one of the Gizmo watches (not an Apple Watch) in 4th or 5th depending on maturity, and we're sticking with that. I think these parents are crazy.

The good news is that our kid seems fine with this for now. I'm sure she misses out on some social things because she's not on text but at this age I don't really care -- she is too young and just because a bunch of my fellow parents have decided to make an incredibly stupid choice for their children does not mean I have to subject my kid to it. I know the pressure will get more intense as she gets older and we'll also need to balance our own need to be able to contact her as she's more independent. That's fine. But she's 8. None of these issues are in play yet.

[Anonymous]

This is very dependent on location and not the norm everywhere. Most of my friends and family living in various states got their kids a phone in middle school, mainly just to coordinate being picked up from their activities.

Phones in 4th grade screams nouveau riche to me. Do these people also live in McMansions and have Labubus?

[Anonymous]

watch is great

[Anonymous]

I don't see the need in elementary, but by middle school some kids need to be picked up and schedules get more complicated, so I can see kids getting their first smartphones in 6th grade. Mine got them in 8th and 7th.

[Anonymous]

I have a fourth grader. He got a basic watch at the end of 2nd grade out of necessity since I started a new job and I needed to be able to contact him. He can only contact those on a list I approve, which are all family members. He has a few friends with apple watches that seem to call each other, and every now and then, but I don't think anyone that I know of has an actual phone. I think most kids in my neighborhood get phones starting for 7th grade or so.

[Anonymous]

Most parents where I live seem to give out phones around middle school with the glaring exception of very young mothers (gave birth as teen, no father present) who give them around second grade. I chalk it up to immaturity.

[Anonymous]

I fought almost this exact fight with my third grader today. He wants an Apple Watch. We’ll consider a Gizmo when he’s older. His bff is two years older, so he’s always ahead of where we are. The current plan is a smart phone when he gets a driver’s license. All of my friends with older kids say they regret getting their middle school kids a smart phone. All of them.

[Anonymous]

Why are you crying over this?! You have completely lost track of things. YOU are the parent to YOUR child. You claimed she won't get a phone until 8th but by the end of your post suggested you might get her one now in fourth. You need a stronger backbone. No 9 or 10 yr old needs a phone.

[Anonymous]

My oldest got his first phone in 8th. My second is in 8th and just got his first phone at the start of the school year. My youngest one in elementary school said that some first graders have phones. IME, my kids were one of the only ones who didn’t have a phone in middle school.

Fwiw, I’m in Texas, and the state just passed a law banning phones during the school day. There are pretty serious penalties for breaking the law and the schools are taking it very seriously. My middle schooler said that kids are actually talking to each other during lunch instead of being on their phones the whole time like in past years.

Stay strong. It’s not healthy for kids to have phones so young.

[Anonymous]

My kid got a phone around that age. She’s now a HS senior with a 4.0 GPA and 1550 SAT, who has learned strategies for putting the phone down and getting work done. Giving your kid a phone later doesn’t necessarily make them better equipped to learn how to control their phone usage. Arguably it makes them less equipped.

[Anonymous]

My daughter got a phone in 4th grade. She only got it on days where she was walking home from school and no one would be home for an hour or so. But we took the phone back when an adult got home, and she never had it when not home alone (we have no home phone, and it allowed us to call her, and her to call us if needed).

I’m sure her friends told their parents that she had a phone, and it was sorta true, but she only had it about one day every two weeks.

[Anonymous]

My DD is at a title 1 school. There were kids that got phones in 2nd and now in 4th, many kids have them. They have full access to their phones. I see kids "walking" home with their parents from the bus stop by face timing them. My DD's bestie is a year older and when she comes over, her phone is pinging non stop from various group chats.

[Anonymous]

The only kids I know who had phones that early had divorced parents.