Better to be a never-married single mom or divorced single mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

and, friendly reminder, just because you paid for entry to the school, certainly doesn't mean youre accepted by the other parents there or treated with the same level of regard/acceptance

Wow, you really are not a good person. What an ugly thing to say, jfc. Of note, you’re exactly the type of person whose opinion OP fears. But good for you for proving why she shouldn’t care.

But I mean, after you made some really mocking and nasty posts directed towards the OP's fairly distressing life situation, how can you possible morally grandstand and act so outraged when you get the same treatment? That's what baffling. In many cultures around the world, a single mom by choice may be judged much more harshly than a divorced mom. Maybe that's not the case wherever you are, but in many places, a single mom by choice may be interpreted as being unable to maintain relationships, lacking interpersonal skills, etc. I'm not even saying I agree with that or trying to direct that at you, but the incredibly smug incredulity you expressed that "How could OP EVER think theyre better than me when they got themselves into this position?" is so deeply hypocritical and condescending that it almost boggles the mind. And maybe when you can understand that others don't necessarily share the same opinion you have, and could judge you just as harshly, maybe you won't come into a thread with such condescension towards a young woman clearly going through a horrible time and needing some empathy.

Stop. You’re looking for a fight and this thread is about OP. Poster upthread who objected to being called a walking pariah probably did knee-jerk react. Would you appreciate that term? And you snidely suggesting that parents at second poster’s private are looking down on her for being single is awful and grossly classist. Women do not need more judgment, single moms especially. Contribute to the thread for OP or leave it alone (and stop insulting single moms in general, who are not your “entertainment”).

Completely agree, which is why all the single moms who came into this thread bashing OP for her situation are so wrong and deserve to get it right back. I hope this thread can move into a more productive direction rather than smug "C-suite level" single moms mocking OP for being in a bad relationship. What a truly bizarre and pathetic display of internalized misogyny

I don’t see them as bashing OP as much as trying to get her head on straight with a fixed time horizon. She seems to be actively contemplating staying in an abusive relationship because she’s worried about what people will think. If you are not a single parent or ever faced this choice, it’s you who should be quiet and go away. You’re the one looking down on her as a “poor young woman”.

OP, I think you know deep down what you need to do. Don’t tie yourself to this guy any more than you already have. You will thank yourself in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your first most important job is having a great father.

You are already a failed mom.

-- born to a single unwed mother.

Oh get lost!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Do not marry him. It's 2025, fortunately you don't have to.

[Anonymous]

I would not get married if I thought divorce was a likelihood. This is independent of how I would manage co-parenting a child.

Congrats on your pregnancy. Do not marry someone you don't want to build a life with. It's 2025, and there are lots of ways to co-parent. You don't have to marry the father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm a single mom (15 years and going). Never married to my child's father and he was also abusive.

I am honestly too busy caring for my child to worry about any kind of stigma. Who cares!!! No one else is paying my bills or helping so their opinion doesn't matter one bit. That being said, I would much rather do this on my own than with a partner who is abusive. Things were/are hard, but they would be SO MUCH worse if I had to worry about some as888le being in my way.

How were you able to prevent 50/50? That is the hard part for most. An abuser uses the child as a weapon.

I have never tried to prevent it. He simply doesn't want it. Gave me full physical and legal custody. He was abusive to me but not to our child so I am very lucky in that respect.

[Anonymous]

Do not marry him.

Figure out where you want to live and move there before you give birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never married mom has a home field advantage if you want to be the default parent.

Only advantage to divorce was dealing with judgmental busy bodies.

Not true, he can get 50/50 from birth if he asserts paternity. Many do as a way to hurt the mom, or even to go after her for child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll never regret your child, but most often women regret the men. Married or unmarried.

OP I wouldn't tell your bf. Cut off all ties and go it alone. Once you involve him the child will be a yo yo and you won't have a say on who will be around your child at dad's place. Most divorced women are miserable with the poor child exchanges and toxic people around their child they can't control.

Once he knows, she can’t cut him out if he asserts rights. Also, if she does not name but ever files for state benefits, EBT, medical for SN child, etc, they will pursue paternity. Isn’t that how the dad who murdered his kid making him run on treadmill got visitation? No good answers, OP. If you move far away he may lose interest.

Presumably it will be easier for her to keep sole custody if his name is not on the birth certificate than if they get married and are guaranteed to go through the legal separation/divorce process, which will necessitate bringing up custody issues. If OP simply moves out now and disappears she could presumably make it pretty hard to track herself down, without the same legal issues as if he was a recognized parent

[Anonymous]

When i see how many women in here think they should be able to unilaterally remove men from there custody rights it makes perfect sense why children raised by single dads have better outcomes then children raised by single moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your first most important job is having a great father.

You are already a failed mom.

-- born to a single unwed mother.

Project2025 has entered the chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When i see how many women in here think they should be able to unilaterally remove men from there custody rights it makes perfect sense why children raised by single dads have better outcomes then children raised by single moms

Good men don’t hit, belittle, gaslight, yell at their partners. They generally also don’t get the moniker of having “anger issues”. Do some actual research on the stats of who steps up and who suffers the abuse snd which kinds of parents are avoiding CS and look at how effective the courts are in protecting people from domestic violence and then get on your “but who is thinking of the men?” platform. If he was a good guy, this conversation would not be being had.

[Anonymous]

Someone told me when you give birth don't put dad on the birth certificate so you retain more rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone told me when you give birth don't put dad on the birth certificate so you retain more rights.

Only until he requests a paternity test and establishes that he is the father. It's not a long-term solution.

[Anonymous]

As a PP said, all parents get judged. Every single one of us: married, divorced, single, parent of only child, parent of multiples, stay at home parent, working parent, breast-feeding parent, formula-feeding parent, whatever it is.

Think about what you would want your child to do in your shoes. Would you want your child to tie themselves to a toxic partner? Or would you want your child to free themselves as much as possible from a toxic partner? Begin as you mean to go on. Do not get married, hold your head up high that you have made a good choice for you and your baby, and don’t worry about what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll never regret your child, but most often women regret the men. Married or unmarried.

OP I wouldn't tell your bf. Cut off all ties and go it alone. Once you involve him the child will be a yo yo and you won't have a say on who will be around your child at dad's place. Most divorced women are miserable with the poor child exchanges and toxic people around their child they can't control.

Once he knows, she can’t cut him out if he asserts rights. Also, if she does not name but ever files for state benefits, EBT, medical for SN child, etc, they will pursue paternity. Isn’t that how the dad who murdered his kid making him run on treadmill got visitation? No good answers, OP. If you move far away he may lose interest.

Presumably it will be easier for her to keep sole custody if his name is not on the birth certificate than if they get married and are guaranteed to go through the legal separation/divorce process, which will necessitate bringing up custody issues. If OP simply moves out now and disappears she could presumably make it pretty hard to track herself down, without the same legal issues as if he was a recognized parent

No, he can still assert rights and he knows she is pregnant. Moving if he pursues legal case could be held against her. Unmarried doesn’t matter. Your scenario only has a chance if he did not know.