Better to be a never-married single mom or divorced single mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am currently pregnant and considering my options. My partner and I fight frequently, and at this point I cannot imagine us staying together for the long term. I worry about the stigma single moms face, and feel like there is a lot more understanding and respect given to women who are divorced vs single moms who never married. Then again, it is 2025, and maybe it's not as intense as I imagine? I could afford to have the child on my own, and that seems easier/healthier to me than going through a prolonged custody dispute or having the child shuttle back and forth between parents all the time (also, partner has anger issues, which is the main reason I'm convinced separation is the best option, and why I wouldnt really want to share custody). I am really torn between continuing to try to work on everything and just calling it now and going it alone. But I'm totally terrified of the humiliation I would feel from being a single mom. I would love any input on how stigmatized single motherhood is nowadays, and whether that varies at all based on former marital status. I really dont want to be a walking pariah... then again I know divorce is its own misery.

I am married and cannot imagine judging someone for being a single mom. If a woman makes a justified decision to leave a partner with whom she would have otherwise had a tumultuous marriage, I have so much respect for that. I know so, so many women (including myself) who are in the latter situation and it is truly the worst. Sorry for my run on sentences / poor grammar!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

I really dont want to be a walking pariah

Lol. As I drop my lovely DD off at her NWDC private and head into my C-suite job, I’m going to remember that this lady with an oops pregnancy from an angry boyfriend called me a “walking pariah”. Keep it classy, OP.

Amazing that someone can whine about being looked down upon while mocking a young woman in vulnerable circumstances asking for help. I guess it's a rude awakening that yes, many people will still view you with disdain when you're a single mom, no matter what kind of private school you bought your way into (and, friendly reminder, just because you paid for entry to the school, certainly doesn't mean youre accepted by the other parents there or treated with the same level of regard/acceptance). The harsh reality of that seems to be really upsetting many single moms in this thread which, if anything, makes it highly entertaining to watch.

You seem bitter and insecure. Advice get a job, get your ducks in a row and leave your DH, security is an illusion, better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Nothing bitter or insecure about it, unlike the single moms by choice crashing out on this thread about how much better they are than OP because they arent in a relationship. The hypocrisy is absolutely insane, and it's funny because in many (most?) places the stigma works the opposite way, so the delusions of grandeur are a bit rich.

NP. Are you autistic? Because you seem bizarrely stuck on the same stupid argument. Can’t imagine you’re not a walking pariah, as OP put it, in real life.

Why is "are you autistic?" the go to insult when someone on here has nothing else to say? Is it some kind of bizarre projection since so many of you on here seem to be utterly socially incompetent? Or is it just a kind of mean attempt to even the score when you feel your ego has been dinged? Either way, it's 2025- definitely not a good look (and a revealer of your age, tbh)

“Go to insult,” wth are you talking about? And you don’t sound young yourself when you fanatically support OP and her old fashioned ideas of being a pariah bc she’s a single mom. You’re probably just OP sockpuppeting and lashing out at people bc they didn’t give you the answers you want.

OP is being realistic about her life prospects and not fooling or deluding yourself. You should probably do the same so you dont continue to live in some alternate reality where misogyny doesnt happen and no one bats an eye at single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter)

If you're secure you don't care what people think. I had my kids with my husband, BUT if I were single and time was running out you bet I would make sure to have the number of kids I want. I've known women who wasted years dating jerks who ended up without kids. A woman can find a man anytime, single with kids. They are all over, over 30 they are usually divorced with kids. Worked with many families, the biggest trauma are kids with divorced parents who have to be split between homes. Unwanted steps and that whole mess is horrible for them. One stable home is the best environment with an attentive parent/parents.

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

Who is the “outcast loser” in this scenario?

PP is but doesn’t realize it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I really dont want to be a walking pariah

Lol. As I drop my lovely DD off at her NWDC private and head into my C-suite job, I’m going to remember that this lady with an oops pregnancy from an angry boyfriend called me a “walking pariah”. Keep it classy, OP.

Amazing that someone can whine about being looked down upon while mocking a young woman in vulnerable circumstances asking for help. I guess it's a rude awakening that yes, many people will still view you with disdain when you're a single mom, no matter what kind of private school you bought your way into (and, friendly reminder, just because you paid for entry to the school, certainly doesn't mean youre accepted by the other parents there or treated with the same level of regard/acceptance). The harsh reality of that seems to be really upsetting many single moms in this thread which, if anything, makes it highly entertaining to watch.

You seem bitter and insecure. Advice get a job, get your ducks in a row and leave your DH, security is an illusion, better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Nothing bitter or insecure about it, unlike the single moms by choice crashing out on this thread about how much better they are than OP because they arent in a relationship. The hypocrisy is absolutely insane, and it's funny because in many (most?) places the stigma works the opposite way, so the delusions of grandeur are a bit rich.

NP. Are you autistic? Because you seem bizarrely stuck on the same stupid argument. Can’t imagine you’re not a walking pariah, as OP put it, in real life.

Why is "are you autistic?" the go to insult when someone on here has nothing else to say? Is it some kind of bizarre projection since so many of you on here seem to be utterly socially incompetent? Or is it just a kind of mean attempt to even the score when you feel your ego has been dinged? Either way, it's 2025- definitely not a good look (and a revealer of your age, tbh)

“Go to insult,” wth are you talking about? And you don’t sound young yourself when you fanatically support OP and her old fashioned ideas of being a pariah bc she’s a single mom. You’re probably just OP sockpuppeting and lashing out at people bc they didn’t give you the answers you want.

OP is being realistic about her life prospects and not fooling or deluding yourself. You should probably do the same so you dont continue to live in some alternate reality where misogyny doesnt happen and no one bats an eye at single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter)

If you're secure you don't care what people think. I had my kids with my husband, BUT if I were single and time was running out you bet I would make sure to have the number of kids I want. I've known women who wasted years dating jerks who ended up without kids. A woman can find a man anytime, single with kids. They are all over, over 30 they are usually divorced with kids. Worked with many families, the biggest trauma are kids with divorced parents who have to be split between homes. Unwanted steps and that whole mess is horrible for them. One stable home is the best environment with an attentive parent/parents.

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

+1

And if anything, this thread proves how urgently we need better mental health support for single moms, even by choice or those with money. The overwrought reactions, the insane defensiveness and aggression... I think a LOT of single moms are just STRUGGLING. Because it's hard. And choosing to go it alone vs being forced to doesnt make it any better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I really dont want to be a walking pariah

Lol. As I drop my lovely DD off at her NWDC private and head into my C-suite job, I’m going to remember that this lady with an oops pregnancy from an angry boyfriend called me a “walking pariah”. Keep it classy, OP.

Amazing that someone can whine about being looked down upon while mocking a young woman in vulnerable circumstances asking for help. I guess it's a rude awakening that yes, many people will still view you with disdain when you're a single mom, no matter what kind of private school you bought your way into (and, friendly reminder, just because you paid for entry to the school, certainly doesn't mean youre accepted by the other parents there or treated with the same level of regard/acceptance). The harsh reality of that seems to be really upsetting many single moms in this thread which, if anything, makes it highly entertaining to watch.

You seem bitter and insecure. Advice get a job, get your ducks in a row and leave your DH, security is an illusion, better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Nothing bitter or insecure about it, unlike the single moms by choice crashing out on this thread about how much better they are than OP because they arent in a relationship. The hypocrisy is absolutely insane, and it's funny because in many (most?) places the stigma works the opposite way, so the delusions of grandeur are a bit rich.

NP. Are you autistic? Because you seem bizarrely stuck on the same stupid argument. Can’t imagine you’re not a walking pariah, as OP put it, in real life.

Why is "are you autistic?" the go to insult when someone on here has nothing else to say? Is it some kind of bizarre projection since so many of you on here seem to be utterly socially incompetent? Or is it just a kind of mean attempt to even the score when you feel your ego has been dinged? Either way, it's 2025- definitely not a good look (and a revealer of your age, tbh)

“Go to insult,” wth are you talking about? And you don’t sound young yourself when you fanatically support OP and her old fashioned ideas of being a pariah bc she’s a single mom. You’re probably just OP sockpuppeting and lashing out at people bc they didn’t give you the answers you want.

OP is being realistic about her life prospects and not fooling or deluding yourself. You should probably do the same so you dont continue to live in some alternate reality where misogyny doesnt happen and no one bats an eye at single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter)

If you're secure you don't care what people think. I had my kids with my husband, BUT if I were single and time was running out you bet I would make sure to have the number of kids I want. I've known women who wasted years dating jerks who ended up without kids. A woman can find a man anytime, single with kids. They are all over, over 30 they are usually divorced with kids. Worked with many families, the biggest trauma are kids with divorced parents who have to be split between homes. Unwanted steps and that whole mess is horrible for them. One stable home is the best environment with an attentive parent/parents.

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

+1

And if anything, this thread proves how urgently we need better mental health support for single moms, even by choice or those with money. The overwrought reactions, the insane defensiveness and aggression... I think a LOT of single moms are just STRUGGLING. Because it's hard. And choosing to go it alone vs being forced to doesnt make it any better.

And yet here you are punching down or so you believe yourself to be. Maybe it's time to seek some mental health support for yourself, you seem overly threatened and defensive. We don't all have to choose the same path and whatever path you choose it doesn't make you less than or more than.

What are you so afraid of? Is your DH cheating are you afraid he will. Trust me single is no more contagious than married and no single mom wants your husband, single mom's generally are single because they are okay with being alone, plus who needs the drama of some bitter ex wife, a slightly broke DH and bonus kids. So why the chilliness, why so threatened? You need to be worried about the other married women, and or the younger single, no kids much younger gal who works with your DH. It all starts out as lite, no strings fun, and then sooner or later someone catches feelings, and then what do you do? You suffer, either way, that's what people do they suffer, and they do so regardless of their marital status.

From your post I have a feeling you are suffering and that you aren't okay with that. If you aren't living a life that is filled with joy then do something about it. Getting it all, marriage, house, kids doesn't automatically bring joy and that can be crushing I know. Stop projecting your misery and bitterness on others and find your joy.

Being a single parent or the child of a single parent doesn't automatically bring pain, depression and desperation it can bring a home full of love, happiness and joy where everyone is thriving. Life is a gift and it doesn't last long, children are a gift and they don't stay children for long, they grow up fast. I find that happy people all know this and they don't take it for granted. Happy people tend to be happy no matter what life throws at them. You don't seem happy.

There is a lot of joy and peace in the freedom to live life as you please.

[Anonymous]

I am a guy and I wouldn't mind dating a single never married mom or divorced mom. They are both women correct? They both have puss**s correct?

And it's a green flag when a woman doesn't abandon her kids. When my parents divorced, my mom just left, never bothered with us. Thankfully other women (he has since remarried) never seen him as single dad with some kind of baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I really dont want to be a walking pariah

Lol. As I drop my lovely DD off at her NWDC private and head into my C-suite job, I’m going to remember that this lady with an oops pregnancy from an angry boyfriend called me a “walking pariah”. Keep it classy, OP.

Amazing that someone can whine about being looked down upon while mocking a young woman in vulnerable circumstances asking for help. I guess it's a rude awakening that yes, many people will still view you with disdain when you're a single mom, no matter what kind of private school you bought your way into (and, friendly reminder, just because you paid for entry to the school, certainly doesn't mean youre accepted by the other parents there or treated with the same level of regard/acceptance). The harsh reality of that seems to be really upsetting many single moms in this thread which, if anything, makes it highly entertaining to watch.

You seem bitter and insecure. Advice get a job, get your ducks in a row and leave your DH, security is an illusion, better to be the dumper than the dumpee.

Nothing bitter or insecure about it, unlike the single moms by choice crashing out on this thread about how much better they are than OP because they arent in a relationship. The hypocrisy is absolutely insane, and it's funny because in many (most?) places the stigma works the opposite way, so the delusions of grandeur are a bit rich.

NP. Are you autistic? Because you seem bizarrely stuck on the same stupid argument. Can’t imagine you’re not a walking pariah, as OP put it, in real life.

Why is "are you autistic?" the go to insult when someone on here has nothing else to say? Is it some kind of bizarre projection since so many of you on here seem to be utterly socially incompetent? Or is it just a kind of mean attempt to even the score when you feel your ego has been dinged? Either way, it's 2025- definitely not a good look (and a revealer of your age, tbh)

“Go to insult,” wth are you talking about? And you don’t sound young yourself when you fanatically support OP and her old fashioned ideas of being a pariah bc she’s a single mom. You’re probably just OP sockpuppeting and lashing out at people bc they didn’t give you the answers you want.

OP is being realistic about her life prospects and not fooling or deluding yourself. You should probably do the same so you dont continue to live in some alternate reality where misogyny doesnt happen and no one bats an eye at single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter)

If you're secure you don't care what people think. I had my kids with my husband, BUT if I were single and time was running out you bet I would make sure to have the number of kids I want. I've known women who wasted years dating jerks who ended up without kids. A woman can find a man anytime, single with kids. They are all over, over 30 they are usually divorced with kids. Worked with many families, the biggest trauma are kids with divorced parents who have to be split between homes. Unwanted steps and that whole mess is horrible for them. One stable home is the best environment with an attentive parent/parents.

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

+1

And if anything, this thread proves how urgently we need better mental health support for single moms, even by choice or those with money. The overwrought reactions, the insane defensiveness and aggression... I think a LOT of single moms are just STRUGGLING. Because it's hard. And choosing to go it alone vs being forced to doesnt make it any better.

Good God, stop. I don’t know what anti-single mother troll found this thread, but this perverse display of concern trolling is truly nauseating. We are not a monolith and many of us are doing fine, thank you very much. And no, that’s not defensiveness. Women choose all different kinds of lifestyles; no one needs your assessment of how we are doing other than the original poster who asked a question about her specific circumstances, and you may direct whatever faux sympathy you would like to dole out towards that likely well deserving person. Re: the rest of us, nope. Worry about yourself. There’s clearly work to be done there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

+1

And if anything, this thread proves how urgently we need better mental health support for single moms, even by choice or those with money. The overwrought reactions, the insane defensiveness and aggression... I think a LOT of single moms are just STRUGGLING. Because it's hard. And choosing to go it alone vs being forced to doesnt make it any better.

Lmfao, to be clear, you just +1'd a comment referring to single moms as "outcast losers", and then called them "overwrought" and "insanely defensive".

This person who is driven to antagonize this particular group of parents on a parenting board is not well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah but everyone does it tbh. Unfortunately we live in a social society and no one wants to be the outcast loser of the group

+1

And if anything, this thread proves how urgently we need better mental health support for single moms, even by choice or those with money. The overwrought reactions, the insane defensiveness and aggression... I think a LOT of single moms are just STRUGGLING. Because it's hard. And choosing to go it alone vs being forced to doesnt make it any better.

Lmfao, to be clear, you just +1'd a comment referring to single moms as "outcast losers", and then called them "overwrought" and "insanely defensive".

This person who is driven to antagonize this particular group of parents on a parenting board is not well.

NP. Wow, so much clear projection and being triggered. No one wants to be an "outcast loser" in general. It's a fear we all have- when we were 12 years old it was being the weird girl that didnt get invited to the school dance. Now that we're adults, maybe it's a fear of being the broke one at the high school reunion, or yeah, the single mom by choice that could never make it work in a relationship. "Outcast loser" is an archetype that fits many different molds, and yes, single mom can absolutely be one. Dont play dumb to this fact or stigma.

[Anonymous]

As a non-married mom with a handful of single mom friends I would not at all factor “stigma” into my calculus. I would think about whether you actually want to continue your relationship w your partner. You can stay together and not get married too- test it out. But that’s the threshold question - do you want to be with this person and raise your kid together. If not, then don’t. And forget the stigma thing. You’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Divorced single moms who have a good co-parenting relationship and 50/50 custody seem to be living their best lives.

[Anonymous]

The words “outcast loser” should not be used by anyone above the age of 21. And that’s being generous. But OP needs to stop GAF about people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The words “outcast loser” should not be used by anyone above the age of 21. And that’s being generous. But OP needs to stop GAF about people like that.

TBH many of the people on this board fit that description.