Is my expectation unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

You said he puts the baby to sleep. What is preventing him from taking over the 10 p.m feed entirely?

OP here. I don’t pump. I’ve actually never used a pump. I’ve down hand expressing and I collect the letdown while nursing. That’s what we use for his evening bottles. It’s much easier for me to nurse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

You keep saying he does a lot or enough. What does he do?

OP here. He takes the baby from 6ish - 9pm nightly. This helps me do whatever I want to do. He will clean up the kitchen and living room while I’m nursing. He then will put the baby to bed before he goes to bed. He does mornings on the weekends and will get up if I ask him. He lets me sleep in and he largely does most of the childcare on the weekends so I can rest. This is why I’m asking if I’m being unreasonable.

So he’s basically working all of the time. Got it.

OP here. He’s a great dad to our son. I do believe more and more after writing it out that I’m being unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

You said he puts the baby to sleep. What is preventing him from taking over the 10 p.m feed entirely?

OP here. I don’t pump. I’ve actually never used a pump. I’ve down hand expressing and I collect the letdown while nursing. That’s what we use for his evening bottles. It’s much easier for me to nurse.

Have you tried side-lying nursing? He can bring you the baby for the 10pm feed and watch you both and you can sleep while he nurses and then go back to sleep. It is very relaxing and I found it hard NOT to fall asleep when doing this. But he should be around to watch and then to do the rest of the nighttime routine.
7 weeks is really early and you are still nursing 2-3 hours. Its not unreasonable to get 4-5 hours block of sleep.

I would also kindly say that if he is CFO then he likely brings in a lot of money. Use some of that money to offset his absence. These are some of the problems that money CAN solve if you are willing.

Your husband is also likely type A and rigid with his schedule/routine based on his occupation alone but then coupled with the 1-1.5 hour workout every morning I can tell you that he will not be accommodating you or your child outside of the hours he has determined are for family- on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Um...yea...I think he just doesn't have perspective. A full 8 hours of sleep and a lengthy solo daily workout are just not normal things to have when you're the parent of a new baby. I suppose if you had an enormous amount of household help, you could make it happen. But if you're just a normal family, it's just doesn't work that way. He should expect to be tired at this stage in life. It's a phase but it's a tough one. Parenting is 24/7. There is no such thing as pausing it for the night.

Also-- does he think sleep will just go back to normal when you go back to work in a few weeks? My babies went through so many phases of sleep and you just never knew when there would be a sleep regression, or developmental leap or illness that made sleep tough. And bigger question--what is he going to do if you have more kids? Sometimes they are both dealing with sleep stuff and both parents have to parent at night.

Can he plan to go to bed earlier? And then he could take that 4am-ish wake up and then put him back down while you sleep? If he has time, he can head to his lavish (sorry, but it really is obnoxious that he expects this right now) workout routine afterwards? There has to be some way he can help on either end of the long, long night.

I truly promise this won't last forever but you've both got to get direct with one another and practical. You both need some sleep--enough so that you can drive a car safely, have some emotional regulation and safely manage a baby--that's the goal!

[Anonymous]

SAHM married to a CEO, and with a newborn as well! You both need adequate sleep, and with a newborn that's more important than a workout. An uninterrupted stretch of sleep is vitally important to your continued healing, your mental health, and your ability to be a good wife and mother. Wanting to sleep for longer than three hours at a stretch is not unreasonable.

That said, you need to approach it with your husband as a collaboration, the two of you vs. the problem (the baby). You are sleep-deprived. What is the best way for you to get more sleep? How can he help? Don't get mad, don't tell him he's a jerk, just work together to figure out what's going to work for your family.

For mine -- when we have a newborn, I go to bed as soon as the big kids do and my husband stays up and deals with the baby until he can't stay awake, then he comes to bed and I take over for the rest of the night. We let him sleep in as long as he can in the morning. He hasn't exercised every day in years, because he's got a big job and a big family and those are more important right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband went back to work 2.5 weeks ago, after taking 1 month off for pat leave. Since his return to work, he has ceased parenting at night. His explanation is that he needs his 8 hours to be rested for work, and that I’m home with the baby. He does do his fair share of parenting, but I still feel like he should be getting up at least once a night. Our baby is still waking up every 2.5-3 hours to eat. I’m exhausted and starting to feel bitter. Am I being unreasonable with this expectation?

How do you know he does a fair share of “parenting” when he’s been off of work for the last month and you only have a newborn to “parent?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.

OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.

Lol

Is this a joke?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And no workouts unless it’s at lunch , that’s unreasonable right now.

Babies and toddlers are ALL HANDS ON DECK time.

Not Me Time. Me want sleep, bye. Me want office work, bye. Me want the gym, bye.

Is this a troll post or just an idiot guy with no idea what it takes for a set of parents to raise a baby and child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.

Got it Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

You keep saying he does a lot or enough. What does he do?

OP here. He takes the baby from 6ish - 9pm nightly. This helps me do whatever I want to do. He will clean up the kitchen and living room while I’m nursing. He then will put the baby to bed before he goes to bed. He does mornings on the weekends and will get up if I ask him. He lets me sleep in and he largely does most of the childcare on the weekends so I can rest. This is why I’m asking if I’m being unreasonable.

Yes. He's doing enough if you are a SAHM. If you will be going back to work, he will need to step up, but the baby's schedule will be different then so you'll have to work that out once you get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

You said he puts the baby to sleep. What is preventing him from taking over the 10 p.m feed entirely?

OP here. I don’t pump. I’ve actually never used a pump. I’ve down hand expressing and I collect the letdown while nursing. That’s what we use for his evening bottles. It’s much easier for me to nurse.

Have you tried side-lying nursing? He can bring you the baby for the 10pm feed and watch you both and you can sleep while he nurses and then go back to sleep. It is very relaxing and I found it hard NOT to fall asleep when doing this. But he should be around to watch and then to do the rest of the nighttime routine.
7 weeks is really early and you are still nursing 2-3 hours. Its not unreasonable to get 4-5 hours block of sleep.

I would also kindly say that if he is CFO then he likely brings in a lot of money. Use some of that money to offset his absence. These are some of the problems that money CAN solve if you are willing.

Your husband is also likely type A and rigid with his schedule/routine based on his occupation alone but then coupled with the 1-1.5 hour workout every morning I can tell you that he will not be accommodating you or your child outside of the hours he has determined are for family- on a regular basis.

OP here. I have a large breasts and I feel like laying down smothers him. He’s also a very particular baby and prefers one position while nursing.

We do get occasional help from family but that’s not a regular occurrence. I should suck it up and hire a night nurse or some daytime help.

My husband does provide us with a nice living. I also do well for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.

OP here. Noted. He won’t do mornings either because he works out and gets ready for work. Maybe I am the unreasonable one.

The working out would probably annoy me too. Also, what does your husband do? If he's a surgeon then yes - unreasonable. Office drone then no - tell him to deal with the baby like most good working parents do.

OP here. He’s a CFO of a large corporation.

If this is even true, start your nanny part-time now and get a night nurse.

Stop acting clueless. One clueless, in denial parent is bad enough, but two will be terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

You said he puts the baby to sleep. What is preventing him from taking over the 10 p.m feed entirely?

OP here. I don’t pump. I’ve actually never used a pump. I’ve down hand expressing and I collect the letdown while nursing. That’s what we use for his evening bottles. It’s much easier for me to nurse.

Have you tried side-lying nursing? He can bring you the baby for the 10pm feed and watch you both and you can sleep while he nurses and then go back to sleep. It is very relaxing and I found it hard NOT to fall asleep when doing this. But he should be around to watch and then to do the rest of the nighttime routine.
7 weeks is really early and you are still nursing 2-3 hours. Its not unreasonable to get 4-5 hours block of sleep.

I would also kindly say that if he is CFO then he likely brings in a lot of money. Use some of that money to offset his absence. These are some of the problems that money CAN solve if you are willing.

Your husband is also likely type A and rigid with his schedule/routine based on his occupation alone but then coupled with the 1-1.5 hour workout every morning I can tell you that he will not be accommodating you or your child outside of the hours he has determined are for family- on a regular basis.

OP here. I have a large breasts and I feel like laying down smothers him. He’s also a very particular baby and prefers one position while nursing.

We do get occasional help from family but that’s not a regular occurrence. I should suck it up and hire a night nurse or some daytime help.

My husband does provide us with a nice living. I also do well for myself.

Go sock puppet go!! More creativity! More visuals!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

Weird

I’d don’t know anyone who binged watched shows during maternity leave. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.

You should be sleeping during this time.

OP here. I’ve tried but I usually can’t fall asleep that early. I’ve always had sleep issues, and having a baby has made it worse.

I see. Sorry to hear. Can you nap with the baby during the day? Take a melatonin in the evening? It sounds like it’s not only your DH but also the fact you’re having sleep issues independent of his schedule.

No she can’t. She’ll smother the baby with her large breasts.