Is my expectation unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have an excuse for any offered solution. You have to change or nothing will.

OP here. No excuses. I’ve explained the situation and answered questions. That’s it’s.

I’ve said I will try go to bed earlier. That’s all I can really do besides hire help, which my hand is against because he fears the caregiver will hurt our child out of frustration or something.

Umm what is your plan for childcare when you go back to work in 7 weeks?

Honestly, you sound like a dolt. I was lucky enough to have family help, but my DH still stayed up with the babies often. And he makes a ton of money and has a high-stress job too (entrepreneur).

If a father wants to be a father they will suck it up and do what is needed to take care of their kids and wife. Not use their hours and paycheck as a shield to avoid any small inconvenience to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have an excuse for any offered solution. You have to change or nothing will.

OP here. No excuses. I’ve explained the situation and answered questions. That’s it’s.

I’ve said I will try go to bed earlier. That’s all I can really do besides hire help, which my hand is against because he fears the caregiver will hurt our child out of frustration or something.

So he won’t help and won’t let you hire help, and you plan on returning to work.

Molly, you in danger girl.

[Anonymous]

Where can I find a job with that much time for paternity leave lol? I am so burned out I'll ask DW for us to have another baby just so I can take a month off. I much rather loose sleep than the grueling hours with very little PTO that I have at the moment.

[Anonymous]

You're unreasonable op. Suck it up and get a night nurse. It's not like she's in the house alone with your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.

1 to 1.5 hours to workout every day, you cook dinner so he can decompress, and he lets you sleep in on the weekend? When is your workout time? I'm guessing there's no time in his schedule for that.

Sorry, but he's being selfish. If he digs in his heels then I sure as heck would remember that when you start thinking about baby number 2. Because what you are getting now is a big old message that he considers the bulk of child raising to be your job. Enjoy being on the hook for every single thing for the next 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband went back to work 2.5 weeks ago, after taking 1 month off for pat leave. Since his return to work, he has ceased parenting at night. His explanation is that he needs his 8 hours to be rested for work, and that I’m home with the baby. He does do his fair share of parenting, but I still feel like he should be getting up at least once a night. Our baby is still waking up every 2.5-3 hours to eat. I’m exhausted and starting to feel bitter. Am I being unreasonable with this expectation?

How do you know he does a fair share of “parenting” when he’s been off of work for the last month and you only have a newborn to “parent?”

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP I would ask what his expectation is when you go back to work in 7 weeks. He needs a full 8 hours to work so what do you get when you go back to work?

I would determine when each of you get your prime sleep. I get better sleep between 1-5, my DH is best between 9-1 because he normally wakes at 4/430. When our new baby arrives, Ill be returning at 6 weeks he has 12 weeks. I can just laugh at being like no hunny you get all overnight and all day because I am working.

You are essentially getting a 3-5 hour "break" where you cook dinner and hanging out as a family. I would bet dollars to donuts you are not just relaxing during that time especially if nursing. You are also about to hit 8 weeks and some big growth spurts. He will be nursing constantly during some of those spurts.

OP here. This. I would love if he can take over the morning feed at 5/6am or the 10pm feeding entirely.

I do actually get down time. I shower, sometimes nap if I can fall asleep, or just binge watch shows in between nursing.

Weird

I’d don’t know anyone who binged watched shows during maternity leave. Yuck.

Me either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.

Got it Troll.

OP here. How am I a troll?

Because your post and responses trip you up and make no sense.
Because you only selectively respond to some questions and selectively ignore others.
Because you’re on here all day and night yet supposedly busy and tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m being unrealistic and will suck it up.

Sounds good, thx for playing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where can I find a job with that much time for paternity leave lol? I am so burned out I'll ask DW for us to have another baby just so I can take a month off. I much rather loose sleep than the grueling hours with very little PTO that I have at the moment.

No guys except Club Fed actually take that much in a row. So fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your expectation is unreasonable. That's how it is with the baby. One needs to rest to be functional at work, during the day you should take naps with the baby. My DH woke up earlier in the mornings to take care of the baby for 1.5-2 hours before work to let me sleep. We slept in separate rooms for him to be able to sleep as well. It's a difficult time.

Wtf? You are saying she is being unreasonable but your husband spent two hours in early morning hours with the baby! She’s asking for what you had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My babies all nurses constantly in the evenings, I don’t understand how that is when you’re not nursing at all, and you’re not pumping? How about having DH give the baby some formula during that time to see if it fills him up more to sleep better at night? My kids didn’t do great with bottles so no idea if that would help, I just remember always being chained to a baby in the evenings!

I’m a SAHM now, though I planned to go back to work when my first was born. I had a hard time going to sleep early too, but my DH was happy to give up morning workouts to hang out with the baby until he absolutely had to go into work. Not every day, but often on Wednesdays he would try to go in later so I could get a little more sleep, and then I’d sleep in on weekends. A daily 90 minute workout is a luxury he doesn’t have with a tiny newborn. Either use the money for a night nurse (get a recommendation from a friend!) or convince him to cut back a little to get you a longer stretch of sleep sometimes. Occasionally switching to a 30 min jog won’t kill him.

OP here. My baby has done this when cluster feeding and during growth spurts. He doesn’t do this all of the time.

I’m confused because I do feed him during the evening and night. We give him letdown milk twice in the evening.

His pediatrician said eating every 3 hours is normal for 7 weeks old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband went back to work 2.5 weeks ago, after taking 1 month off for pat leave. Since his return to work, he has ceased parenting at night. His explanation is that he needs his 8 hours to be rested for work, and that I’m home with the baby. He does do his fair share of parenting, but I still feel like he should be getting up at least once a night. Our baby is still waking up every 2.5-3 hours to eat. I’m exhausted and starting to feel bitter. Am I being unreasonable with this expectation?

How do you know he does a fair share of “parenting” when he’s been off of work for the last month and you only have a newborn to “parent?”

Lol

OP here. He does evenings and weekends with the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to stagger the night. You go to bed early, like 9pm, he does the 11pm/midnight feeding while you’re asleep. Then he goes to bed and you do the rest of the feedings.

It sucks but it won’t last forever.

OP here. This is what I was hoping would happen but nope. He said he does enough, and he actually does. I just wish I had help during the night. I still get very little sleep.

Can you flip it so he does the morning? But there is no “enough” where a new baby is concerned. You need sleep too.

OP here. He won’t do mornings either. This is our current setup.

He wakes up at 5:30/6am for a 1-1.5hr workout and then leaves by 7:30/8am for work.

He gets home around 5:30. I put the baby down for an evening nap around this time. I will make dinner while he changes and has a couple of minutes to decompress. We eat and then he takes the baby and I do whatever for 2-3 hours except for nursing. Then we hang out as a family. He puts our son to bed each night. He does let me sleep in and does more on the weekends.

Currently, my baby goes to bed at 10pm and is up at 12:30/1am, 3/4am, 5/6am. and up for the day at 7/8am. This pretty much sums up our day too.

Got it Troll.

OP here. How am I a troll?

Because your post and responses trip you up and make no sense.
Because you only selectively respond to some questions and selectively ignore others.
Because you’re on here all day and night yet supposedly busy and tired.

OP here? All day? I was on here for a couple of hours when my MIL was over. I then haven’t responded until hours later and even now as I’m nursing.

I’m not sure how my post and answers don’t make any sense. I’m only responding to those that ask questions. I didn’t know I needed to respond to every single post.

You sound obsessed. Please get some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where can I find a job with that much time for paternity leave lol? I am so burned out I'll ask DW for us to have another baby just so I can take a month off. I much rather loose sleep than the grueling hours with very little PTO that I have at the moment.

No guys except Club Fed actually take that much in a row. So fake.

OP here. Hmm. My husband got 4 weeks and took it all. My sister’s husband got 6 weeks off and took it all last November. My best friend’s husband took 8 weeks off for both of their kids. I also have a good friend that works with her husband. They both got 13 weeks off when they adopted their daughter. I’m not sure why you think men don’t take pat leave.