Dating someone who cheated on their spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you date someone who admitted to a failed marriage due to cheating? This is someone who is good-looking with a good career and appears to be a good parent. But loss of love/X led to cheating. Not sure if this is worth exploring further.

Run don’t walk. This excuse is as old as time. You can’t fix such a fundamental character flaw.

[Anonymous]

I dont believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

But I'm not going to put myself in that position to find out.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy who told me how much he regretted having cheated on his wife early in their marriage and said he would never do something like that again. I admired his honesty and self reflection.

We were together for three years when he told me he had been cheating on me for a few months with a woman at work and wanted to be with her now. I never saw it coming.

[Anonymous]

If they did it before
Why would they NOT do it again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont believe once a cheater, always a cheater.

But I'm not going to put myself in that position to find out.

+1.

It’s in his favor that he was somewhat honest and open with OP, but even she has a gut feeling that he could have been a serial cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a serial cheater (man). He was in recovery and never cheated on me and it’s not why we broke up. I will say though that when I was with him he would always scan the room, rather than having me on his arm and at times I felt like he used me as a prop or player in his drama with other women.

You don’t know that he cheated. Lol that get better at hiding it abs learn all the tricks. Scanning the room is pretty telling.

I do know, but it doesn’t matter if I know or not or whether he did or not. I did not like the feeling he gave me and that was enough.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Had never cheated before, but I cheated on my stbx. We have been married for 15 years, haven’t had sex in 5 of those years due to factors I can’t control. I cheated bc I was hoping to fulfill my own sexual needs yet still stay married for all of the reasons one wants to stay married when they have children.

I found having an affair to be incredibly unfulfilling emotionally, and it made me realize that the lack of sex wasn't all that was lacking in my marriage. So, I tried to fix my marriage. I ended my affair and tried to rekindle things w my husband. Didnt work. We tried marriage counseling, turns out you cant really “work on” what is missing in our marriage. So we are getting divorced. He doesnt know that I cheated on him, it doesn’t change what is fundamentally wrong with our relationship and his knowing won’t change anything at this point.

I post this to point out that not everyone cheats bc they are narcissists. Some people are just trying to do the best they can with what they have in life and make poor decisions in the process.

Flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Had never cheated before, but I cheated on my stbx. We have been married for 15 years, haven’t had sex in 5 of those years due to factors I can’t control. I cheated bc I was hoping to fulfill my own sexual needs yet still stay married for all of the reasons one wants to stay married when they have children.

I found having an affair to be incredibly unfulfilling emotionally, and it made me realize that the lack of sex wasn't all that was lacking in my marriage. So, I tried to fix my marriage. I ended my affair and tried to rekindle things w my husband. Didnt work. We tried marriage counseling, turns out you cant really “work on” what is missing in our marriage. So we are getting divorced. He doesnt know that I cheated on him, it doesn’t change what is fundamentally wrong with our relationship and his knowing won’t change anything at this point.

I post this to point out that not everyone cheats bc they are narcissists. Some people are just trying to do the best they can with what they have in life and make poor decisions in the process.

Flame away.

NO flame but normal people don't "try to fix" a marriage with cheating and it's a huge red flag to not date you.

[Anonymous]

I'm not in the dating market. How many good-looking men with a good career are single in their 40s or beyond and never cheated? Life has admittedly made me cynical, but it seems most of the single men in their 40s or beyond who are divorced either (i) cheated and admitted it, (ii) cheated and denied it, or (iii) are total duds and their wives divorced them because they are a liability. Are there that many single, good-looking men with a good career in mid-life who are just a total catch and are victims in their divorce?

[Anonymous]

Most divorced men have cheated so that narrows the dating pool a ton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Had never cheated before, but I cheated on my stbx. We have been married for 15 years, haven’t had sex in 5 of those years due to factors I can’t control. I cheated bc I was hoping to fulfill my own sexual needs yet still stay married for all of the reasons one wants to stay married when they have children.

I found having an affair to be incredibly unfulfilling emotionally, and it made me realize that the lack of sex wasn't all that was lacking in my marriage. So, I tried to fix my marriage. I ended my affair and tried to rekindle things w my husband. Didnt work. We tried marriage counseling, turns out you cant really “work on” what is missing in our marriage. So we are getting divorced. He doesnt know that I cheated on him, it doesn’t change what is fundamentally wrong with our relationship and his knowing won’t change anything at this point.

I post this to point out that not everyone cheats bc they are narcissists. Some people are just trying to do the best they can with what they have in life and make poor decisions in the process.

Flame away.

I'll start. Did he even know you were cheating? Did you ever confess it to him? And if he knew is it because you got caught?

Yes- I think you are an idiot and even if your marriage was unfulfilling (and everyone's is at some point over a long marriage- doesn't always stay that way)--you don't lie and betray your spouse.

Next, what you did only creates even more trauma during divorce for your spouse, and then your kids. If kids do overhear or catch wind of the betrayal on top of the divorce, they fare much worse emotionally and it has lasting repercussions not only how they view you, but also in their own future romantic relationships.

What you did was so stupid and immature and if you carried it out with another married person---you really could completely implode two marriages. Not a nice or empathetic person to know your actions have the ability to harm others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most divorced men have cheated so that narrows the dating pool a ton.

In this day and age, many divorced women too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. Had never cheated before, but I cheated on my stbx. We have been married for 15 years, haven’t had sex in 5 of those years due to factors I can’t control. I cheated bc I was hoping to fulfill my own sexual needs yet still stay married for all of the reasons one wants to stay married when they have children.

I found having an affair to be incredibly unfulfilling emotionally, and it made me realize that the lack of sex wasn't all that was lacking in my marriage. So, I tried to fix my marriage. I ended my affair and tried to rekindle things w my husband. Didnt work. We tried marriage counseling, turns out you cant really “work on” what is missing in our marriage. So we are getting divorced. He doesnt know that I cheated on him, it doesn’t change what is fundamentally wrong with our relationship and his knowing won’t change anything at this point.

I post this to point out that not everyone cheats bc they are narcissists. Some people are just trying to do the best they can with what they have in life and make poor decisions in the process.

Flame away.

NO flame but normal people don't "try to fix" a marriage with cheating and it's a huge red flag to not date you.

+100 I wouldn't date her either. Another cheater blaming the marriage/situation for the cheating. And, way to expose him to disease and potential harm if another marriage is involved.

Do better in life.

[Anonymous]

Maybe we can fix that cheater lady up with OP's cheater date. They sound perfect for one another. I'm sure their marriage will have the expected 75% divorce rate for people like them. Let's bet on which one of them cheats first after the new relationship energy wears off...

Amy Robach and TJ Homes were made for one another--serial cheaters with multiple divorces and confessed to excess drinking/troubles with alcohol and already trouble in paradise after wrecking yet another marriage with kids...and their faithful exes are now dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe we can fix that cheater lady up with OP's cheater date. They sound perfect for one another. I'm sure their marriage will have the expected 75% divorce rate for people like them. Let's bet on which one of them cheats first after the new relationship energy wears off...

Amy Robach and TJ Homes were made for one another--serial cheaters with multiple divorces and confessed to excess drinking/troubles with alcohol and already trouble in paradise after wrecking yet another marriage with kids...and their faithful exes are now dating.

My point exactly from the previous page. If you've cheated, please find someone else who has as well.