Sister is 38 and says she's still waiting to have children
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Anonymous
+1 - This. I ended up doing IVF and it’s amazing once you are pregnant with an IVF baby how many people you know also used IUIs, donor sperm, IVF, etc. But the unspoken secret is that no one talk about it - especially when all the happy talk is about weddings and honeymoons. It’s incredibly realistic that an educated, successful 37yr old in a place like DC where 35-42 yr old pregnant people are normal, would have the perception that her coworkers and acquaintances got pregnant easily at 37/8/9 when in fact many of them may have used help. I know my secret came out when I saw a coworker in the Shady Grove waiting room and she tipped me off to others and then I was welcomed into their secret club. However we REALLY wanted kids and I knew the stats and pushed to get tests 3mo after my wedding and start IUIs at 6mo. I knew we couldn’t mess around with “wait and see”. |
Anonymous
Plenty of people have kids when they aren't ready, but that's not the point. The point is that those who are ready and want children don't wait any longer unless there are some medical issues. Now, if what you're suggesting is that people should have kids even when they are not ready, I have to disagree. That might have worked for you but it has caused problems to many other people. If the sister is not ready, assuming that this is the issue and not a medical problem, there's zero reason why someone who's not gonna be involved in raising or supporting that child should be openly talking to her about childbearing. |
Anonymous
| My husband and I naively dilly dallied around. Ended up having two kids during my late 30s, but the stats on infertility and birth defects that were quoted to us were sobering. So, despite everything working out fine, we never would have waited that long had we been more aware. We felt pretty naive about our lack of awareness, so, as other posters have noted, it is pretty easy to be unaware. I almost think more so than in the past when there was less of an ability to intervene. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
First response, still correct. |
Anonymous
| My niece is like this. She's been with a very nice man for about 8 years now. They say that they want to get married and have kids, but niece turned 40 last year and they don't see to have any sense of urgency about it. I think it's odd-- I mean, if they aren't interested in marriage and kids that's fine, so why say it if you aren't going to do anything about it? But at the end of the day it's not my business. They are grown adults and I'm sure they understand how fertility works. |
Anonymous
Well, you need to post with a caveat of "lucky as hell" when you post this because it is not common for women to easily get pregnant or stay pregnant in their early 40s. You are doing a great disservice to the majority of women to post your experience without it, as you are certainly in the minority of women to do so at your age. |
Anonymous
THIS. You have no idea whether they are actively trying or not. What she tells you and what may be actually going on could be vastly different. We spent several years trying and failing to get pregnant, and only my parents and my best friend actually knew what was going on for most of that time, amd I would have preferredto have kept it that way had my mother not let the cat out of the bag herself. Everyone else assumed we were not trying. |
Anonymous
| Unless you and your sister are exceptionally close and your sister is exceptionally naive and ill-informed about fertility (and I do mean EXCEPTIONALLY), then you mind your own business. She’s an adult. |
Anonymous
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You can’t fix you know who.
Maybe it’s for the best that people like that don’t procreate. |
Anonymous
I've come to accept that this is true for most. I've known some women who lamented the fact that they had infertility issues when they finally tried to conceive; claimed they had no idea it would be so difficult to have children later in life; and claimed they needed a certain amount of financial security and house space before kids... but after years of knowing them, I think they really preferred to live their childless life first. At 16, I knew I wanted to be a parent. I had my first kid at 25, while rather poor, and made a lot of sacrifices to be a parent, because it was my priority in life. Now in my 40s with teens and young adults (and not poor anymore), I do not regret it. I love being a parent. |
Anonymous
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I am one of these people. I am turning 37 soon and we doing IVF. We tried to get pregnant twice one at 34 and another when I was 35. Ectopic pregnancies that required removal of both my tubes.
At 36 I started at Shady Grove and we have 3 embryos. We will do a transfer in February. I am terrified about my fertility but it takes so long. |
Anonymous
And I’m sure if your sister brought it up with you, your response would be assuring that you are aware of the risks and are confident in your decision. And that you’re mature enough not to “ruin” the relationship over a single heartfelt conversation. Expressing concern to a sister isn’t being nosy. |
Anonymous
+1 The lack of awareness around this issue is highly underestimated in this thread. I also think there’s just a fundamental difference of opinion on this board about the role of direct family members and the types of conversations they can bring up while being in bounds. The things some posters say you can’t discuss (with your own siblings!) is just so unfamiliar to me and my own circle. |
Anonymous
Would you have appreciated a relative asking intrusive questions about your fertility during a holiday? |