Sister is 38 and says she's still waiting to have children

[Anonymous]

Or maybe she just doesn’t want kids but doesn’t want to deal with the conversations if she says that directly. People lie for any number of reasons about family planning because other people are nosey and opinionated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will tell you to mind your own business. Personally, I think you should bring it up. I would with my sister. It would be different if she wasn’t married and saying she wanted to have children. Some people just don’t pay attention and understand that fertility issues are real. So many famous people have kids later in life so it makes people think they can too.

Do people really think that someone who genuinely wants children waits to have them just they saw some celebrity postponing pregnancy?

[Anonymous]

She’s being non-conmittal for a reason. Either she doesn’t want to deal with the “are you suuuuuure????” Badgering if she really doesn’t want kids, or they are deep in the throes of fertility treatments but they don’t want to open up about it to potentially judgy family. Believe me every woman in her late 30s is well aware of the “biological clock.” Whether she doesn’t have kids yet or already has a kid or two but might want another. I would just leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 42 and 44, took less than three months to get pregnant each time. Kids are perfectly healthy and smart. Leave her alone.

OP here. I know having children in your 40s is possible, but fertility issues also become pretty common at that age. Most of the women who were trying to TTC and couldn't were approaching their 40s.

What does your sister do for a living? Is she educated? Do you honestly believe she is not aware of this issue or wouldn't have looked into it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister (38) and husband (37) have been married for around 4 years. When she was about to get married, she mentioned she wanted wanted kids some day, but she wanted to enjoy the marriage first. I know I might be nosy, but the fact she mentioned again that she was "waiting" to have kids made me worried. I have several friends/family members who postponed children until their late 30s for reasons ranging from advancing their careers, travelling to just not being sure if they wanted children, who then started having trouble to conceive or who didn't manage to conceive at all. I'm afraid my sister and her husband may end up having troubles if they keep postponing having children, and they don't even seem to be bothered that the window might close. I've seen the emotional toll that infertility took on my friends and I don't want my sister to go trough the same. How can I bring this up in a respectful way?

You can’t, unless you want to ruin the relationship. 100% not your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people will tell you to mind your own business. Personally, I think you should bring it up. I would with my sister. It would be different if she wasn’t married and saying she wanted to have children. Some people just don’t pay attention and understand that fertility issues are real. So many famous people have kids later in life so it makes people think they can too.

Unless sister is objectively below average intelligence or incredibly naive, no.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on how close you are to your sister but yes I’d bring this issue up with mine, mentioning your worry because of what you’ve seen among your friends. Actually I probably would have brought it up a year ago. But it’s not something I would press if she seems to not want to open up or seems unconcerned - in that case, you’ve said your peace and need to let her live her life. This is the kind of thing I’d bring up with a sister, close cousin or very close friend but not your everyday good friend, since it’s so very personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister (38) and husband (37) have been married for around 4 years. When she was about to get married, she mentioned she wanted wanted kids some day, but she wanted to enjoy the marriage first. I know I might be nosy, but the fact she mentioned again that she was "waiting" to have kids made me worried. I have several friends/family members who postponed children until their late 30s for reasons ranging from advancing their careers, travelling to just not being sure if they wanted children, who then started having trouble to conceive or who didn't manage to conceive at all. I'm afraid my sister and her husband may end up having troubles if they keep postponing having children, and they don't even seem to be bothered that the window might close. I've seen the emotional toll that infertility took on my friends and I don't want my sister to go trough the same. How can I bring this up in a respectful way?

You can’t, unless you want to ruin the relationship. 100% not your business.

Totally disagree that having a conversation would ruin the relationship. If that were the case you two aren’t that close in the first place. This is the kind of thing that close knit families discuss. But it’s also the kind of thing that you bring up from a point of concern and don’t nag about or revisit again and again. But to mention your worries about infertility? Totally in bounds if you have a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

If you are asking for advice on here, you two clearly are not close enough for you to give “advice” on this issue. She’s 38, I’m sure she knows about potential issues by waiting. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Surely she is a competent adult who is aware of female fertility just like you. Not sure why you feel you need to have an opinion about her life choices.

[Anonymous]

How do you know she’s not dealing with it? Maybe she has endometriosis something else? Maybe they are waiting to adopt bc it can take a long time. Maybe her hubby is infertile. . Check your biases. You are approaching the convo as “having kids”. You could consider a convo on “plans fir expanding family”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 42 and 44, took less than three months to get pregnant each time. Kids are perfectly healthy and smart. Leave her alone.

OP here. I know having children in your 40s is possible, but fertility issues also become pretty common at that age. Most of the women who were trying to TTC and couldn't were approaching their 40s.

What does your sister do for a living? Is she educated? Do you honestly believe she is not aware of this issue or wouldn't have looked into it?

Yes, she's educated, but many of the women who postponed pregnancy were smart and educated as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister (38) and husband (37) have been married for around 4 years. When she was about to get married, she mentioned she wanted wanted kids some day, but she wanted to enjoy the marriage first. I know I might be nosy, but the fact she mentioned again that she was "waiting" to have kids made me worried. I have several friends/family members who postponed children until their late 30s for reasons ranging from advancing their careers, travelling to just not being sure if they wanted children, who then started having trouble to conceive or who didn't manage to conceive at all. I'm afraid my sister and her husband may end up having troubles if they keep postponing having children, and they don't even seem to be bothered that the window might close. I've seen the emotional toll that infertility took on my friends and I don't want my sister to go trough the same. How can I bring this up in a respectful way?

You can’t, unless you want to ruin the relationship. 100% not your business.

Totally disagree that having a conversation would ruin the relationship. If that were the case you two aren’t that close in the first place. This is the kind of thing that close knit families discuss. But it’s also the kind of thing that you bring up from a point of concern and don’t nag about or revisit again and again. But to mention your worries about infertility? Totally in bounds if you have a good relationship.

I'm one of those women who's in her late 30s and yet to have children. I find concerns about my fertility to be condescending. I'm aware that I'm at an age where conceiving naturally can be very difficult, but my partner and I are going through some financial difficulties we don't want to discuss with others. I know that if I keep waiting I might end up childless, I'm just way more afraid of ending up poor and homeless. Couples know their situation better than nosy family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t. She can read, and she has friends who have had problems conceiving just like you do—and friends who had no problems at her age or later, just like you do.

You have no new information to bring to her decision-making. Say nothing.

Many women are ill informed on this topic, in part because of celebrity headlines which are misleading (ie, the public may not know they used a surrogate or donor eggs, for example).

I would try to direct her to an on/gyn for this discussion, just to understand her options and her window. Not assume that you should give her family planning advice.

It Can be touchy. Find a story or excuse to raise it, don’t be too prescriptive.

[Anonymous]

I would not try to influence her decision , but I would try to gauge if she knows the facts/data around this issue.

If the couple does, then you never mention it again.