Do you let your children call adults by their first names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

[Anonymous]

I’m fine with it unless they are teachers. I was raised to believe teachers are to be treated with the utmost respect and believe it’s even more important to take that approach these days when so many idiot parents are making their lives miserable. It has been weird the last couple of years though when our kid’s sports teams have included teachers who taught our older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

It's your name. If the mother mispronounced your name, would you similarly feel like you couldn't correct her because you'd be contradicting her?

A mispronunciation is not the same as explicit behavioral instruction from the parent. If she pronounced my name incorrectly it would be a mistake, not a parenting choice. I would have no problem correcting a mistake, but as you can see by the posters here trying to pathologize my feelings, parenting choices are not open to correction in the same way. It's not my place to parent this kid, or to impose my standards on their family. They are well within their rights to tell their kid this is appropriate, and the fact that it's going to be received as appropriate by some and inappropriate by others is just the way things go. Like I tell my kids: different families have different rules.

The same way the poster upthread thinks Ms. Lauren, which is my default instruction for my kids, is weirdly Southern Maiden Aunt and the worst of all available options. You can't please everyone, and I'm not jumping down her throat for having a different reaction.

You think the other parent knows you want others to use the Mrs. title, and intentionally instructed her child otherwise? What makes you so sure it wasn't a mistake, and that she honestly didn't know your preferences?

[Anonymous]

No. When they are young, or if very close family friends, kids can call me “Miss FirstName.” Otherwise, “Mrs. LastName.”

[Anonymous]

What does adding a Mr or Ms do?

It isn’t respectful. Respect is behavior. Some of the most disrespectful stuff I’ve heard ended with “sir.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

Giving someone permission to call you a more familiar name than what they've used is a standard thing to do if you're open to it, and it's well within anyone's purview to do in any conversation. Telling someone "you are addressing me in an inappropriately familiar manner" is a correction of behavior, not a boon. And doing it in front of the parent they are supposed to take instruction from, and in direct conflict with the instruction they were just given, is confusing for a small child and aggressively confrontational for the adults. Look how upset you all are to learn that an anonymous internet stranger finds it rude: but you want me to say "that's rude" to the parent and kid instead of moving on.

[Anonymous]

I’m Mexican and from TX. Growing up we always called my mom’s best friends by their first name because no one ever corrected us. IME Hispanic people are very open to being called by their first name vs last, especially Hispanic women who come from cultures where being old is bad! My mom always hated it when my sister or I called her ma’am. However I had a high school teacher who made sure all of his students said hi sir to him when he walked in!

With my own kids we always call teachers and librarians by their last name. For day care and dance teachers it depends on the practice of the studio/day care. For coaches/ swim instructors/ anyone else my kid doesn’t know super well I just tell them to go with whatever the person says they want to be called.

It’s tricker with the parents of my kids’ friends-some get offended when you don’t call them by the last name even if you don’t know their full name, others insist on being called by their first name! I just tell my kids to go with the flow of the adult they are talking to. I always tell kids to just call me Larla/Miss Larla depending on their parents’ rules. I really don’t care if a kid calls me by my first name. I’m not going to get triggered or feel disrespected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does adding a Mr or Ms do?

It isn’t respectful. Respect is behavior. Some of the most disrespectful stuff I’ve heard ended with “sir.”

It's not a matter of feeling respect. It's a matter of feeling a sense of power or authority over another human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does adding a Mr or Ms do?

It isn’t respectful. Respect is behavior. Some of the most disrespectful stuff I’ve heard ended with “sir.”

It's not a matter of feeling respect. It's a matter of feeling a sense of power or authority over another human being.

This is a very odd assertion. Did you get sent to a military boarding academy or something?

[Anonymous]

Some people like me prefer to be addressed by their first name and even my own child calls me by my name so i don't see an issue with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

Giving someone permission to call you a more familiar name than what they've used is a standard thing to do if you're open to it, and it's well within anyone's purview to do in any conversation. Telling someone "you are addressing me in an inappropriately familiar manner" is a correction of behavior, not a boon. And doing it in front of the parent they are supposed to take instruction from, and in direct conflict with the instruction they were just given, is confusing for a small child and aggressively confrontational for the adults. Look how upset you all are to learn that an anonymous internet stranger finds it rude: but you want me to say "that's rude" to the parent and kid instead of moving on.

It's not rude for someone to call you by your name. It would (generally) be rude, however, for someone to continue calling you by a name after you've asked them to stop. That's not a confusing concept, even to a small child. Many kids have nicknames, so the idea that someone may have preferences for how they'd like to be called is not going to be foreign to a child.

But it sounds like you never asked them to use a different name.

[Anonymous]

Of course. My kid’s schools have always been first name only, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m fine with it unless they are teachers. I was raised to believe teachers are to be treated with the utmost respect and believe it’s even more important to take that approach these days when so many idiot parents are making their lives miserable. It has been weird the last couple of years though when our kid’s sports teams have included teachers who taught our older kids.

I went to a private high school where we called all the teachers by their first name. We respected them because they were good teachers and great people. My DD goes to private school across the country and calls her teachers by their first name. She respects them because she's 7 and they're adults in charge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

Giving someone permission to call you a more familiar name than what they've used is a standard thing to do if you're open to it, and it's well within anyone's purview to do in any conversation. Telling someone "you are addressing me in an inappropriately familiar manner" is a correction of behavior, not a boon. And doing it in front of the parent they are supposed to take instruction from, and in direct conflict with the instruction they were just given, is confusing for a small child and aggressively confrontational for the adults. Look how upset you all are to learn that an anonymous internet stranger finds it rude: but you want me to say "that's rude" to the parent and kid instead of moving on.

It's not rude for someone to call you by your name. It would (generally) be rude, however, for someone to continue calling you by a name after you've asked them to stop. That's not a confusing concept, even to a small child. Many kids have nicknames, so the idea that someone may have preferences for how they'd like to be called is not going to be foreign to a child.

But it sounds like you never asked them to use a different name.

Actually, in many cultures it is extremely rude to address people in a familiar manner without being given leave to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does adding a Mr or Ms do?

It isn’t respectful. Respect is behavior. Some of the most disrespectful stuff I’ve heard ended with “sir.”

It's not a matter of feeling respect. It's a matter of feeling a sense of power or authority over another human being.

This is a very odd assertion. Did you get sent to a military boarding academy or something?

It's not odd at all. Someone that doesn't know you can't meaningfully respect you. A child is not conferring respect by using a title like Mr. and Mrs., and no rationale person could look at the behavior of kids (and adults, for that matter) and assume otherwise.

But it is a way for someone to verbally express a deference to authority.