Do you let your children call adults by their first names?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Whatever Mrs. X. It’s not hard at all to call you Mrs.X, because it’s completely meaningless. You’ll still be remembered as the controlling, angry lady who shouts “I don’t give a rat’s ass”.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Whatever Mrs. X. It’s not hard at all to call you Mrs.X, because it’s completely meaningless. You’ll still be remembered as the controlling, angry lady who shouts “I don’t give a rat’s ass”.

You’re big mad you can’t call me whatever you like. Again, your problem. And guaranteed your kid doesn’t actually care. The hang up is all yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

This is unequivocally wrong. Familiarity doesn't mean knowing someone's name. My friends can call me not only my name but my nickname because they are my friends, and yes I am more familiar with them. Their kids are known to me, but we don't talk on the phone, we don't go out for drinks together, we don't give each other work advice, we haven't seen each other through ups and downs and marriage/death/divorce. You seem to think "I've met you once, now prove you deserve to be respected" is the universal "American" cultural norm, irrespective of age of the interlocutors, and anyone who deviates from it needs to explain themselves. Not so.

Give me a break. Your given name conveys no sense of familiarity, it’s how most people, known and unknown, are addressing you. You just have a different rule for people below a certain age.

Nicknames or pet names are a completely different thing and kids understand intimacy very well. They don’t even call their own parents by a pet name in public nor do they want peers to use a pet name or nick name that only their parents use. Intimacy has nothing to do with age.

Again, wrong and wrong, but so very adamant. You've also spent this entire thread defending a kid calling an adult Jenny, which is a nickname, so not just wrong but hypocritical. But you seem very confident that your particular opinion is somehow a fact, and people who have different norms are not just different by secretly sadistic towards children, so carry on with your blinkers on and someone else will have to engage you going forward.

NP. Not necessarily. I know at least three Jennys who are just Jenny, not Jennifer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Hmm. What if the child then asked you to call her "Ms. LastName?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Hmm. What if the child then asked you to call her "Ms. LastName?"

I would think it’s cute. Why are so bothered about calling people what they want to be called? Happy to call you your preferred name. Can you say the same? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Hmm. What if the child then asked you to call her "Ms. LastName?"

I would think it’s cute. Why are so bothered about calling people what they want to be called? Happy to call you your preferred name. Can you say the same? Why not?

If it's "cute," then it doesn't seem to signify anything. So, unless "Mrs. X" is really your preferred name, in which case you'd ask everyone to address you that way, I don't see why you'd want a kid to address you that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Hmm. What if the child then asked you to call her "Ms. LastName?"

I would think it’s cute. Why are so bothered about calling people what they want to be called? Happy to call you your preferred name. Can you say the same? Why not?

If it's "cute," then it doesn't seem to signify anything. So, unless "Mrs. X" is really your preferred name, in which case you'd ask everyone to address you that way, I don't see why you'd want a kid to address you that way.

What does it matter what you think about it? It's my preference, not yours. I want kids to address me that way, they all do, and my kids call adults those names if they want or their names or whatever else they prefer, and that's it. You don't get a vote and you don't need to understand. We will call you the name you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Whateeeeever Mrs. X!

See how that works?

That's still not what I prefer. If your kid is going to have an existential crisis about calling someone their preferred name then it just shows that you and your family aren't really for us. No loss.

Other people, whether 6 or 66, don’t have to like you or respect you, no matter what your preference is.

I just demonstrated that someone can use a honorific and be rude. You are trying to extract a level of deference but have zero authority to enforce it.

I don't give a rat's ass about your feelings about it. If I ask your kid to me Mrs LastName then that's what is expected. We will call you First Name if you like. Why is this so hard for you? It's like you can't do it unless I capitulate that while you will comply I must know that no respect is behind it. But, that's really your problem. At the end of the day I'm Mrs Last Name to your child whether you like it or not.

Hmm. What if the child then asked you to call her "Ms. LastName?"

I would think it’s cute. Why are so bothered about calling people what they want to be called? Happy to call you your preferred name. Can you say the same? Why not?

If it's "cute," then it doesn't seem to signify anything. So, unless "Mrs. X" is really your preferred name, in which case you'd ask everyone to address you that way, I don't see why you'd want a kid to address you that way.

What does it matter what you think about it? It's my preference, not yours. I want kids to address me that way, they all do, and my kids call adults those names if they want or their names or whatever else they prefer, and that's it. You don't get a vote and you don't need to understand. We will call you the name you want.

OK, but just know that's an awful lot like someone with a doctorate asking to be addressed "Doctor X" in social situations. People might do it, but you know what everyone would think about them.

[Anonymous]

You teach your kids to call an adult Mr./Ms./Mrs. Last name. When the child does that, the adult in the situation can have that continue or say, please call me Larla. Having kids call adults by their first names who are not family friends/relatives is disrespectful. Its perfectly fine for kids to call adults by their first name, but only after being told its ok by that adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You teach your kids to call an adult Mr./Ms./Mrs. Last name. When the child does that, the adult in the situation can have that continue or say, please call me Larla. Having kids call adults by their first names who are not family friends/relatives is disrespectful. Its perfectly fine for kids to call adults by their first name, but only after being told its ok by that adult.

Why not the opposite? Use first names by default and people can tell each other when they'd like to be addressed in a different way, or preemptively when they introduce themselves.

In your mind, how should adults address teens by default?

[Anonymous]

My kid just don’t address adults by name. Save any issues. Clearly a good move since so many people on here are indeed weird about names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell my kid to call people what they want to be called. He goes to a Quaker school, so all people of all ages there are just first name. But because he has been taught to call people what they want to be called he has no problem switching to Mr Jones or Dr Smith or Ms Lara if asked.

The rule isn't what to call people, but how to figure out what to call them.

+1 Just tell your kid to ask "hey, max what should I call your mom?" max:"Mom, what should Aiden call you?" Mom:"You can call me Stephanie."

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

Yes, you can and you are doing a poor job parenting if you don't understand why kids should call adults by last name until told otherwise.