Do you let your children call adults by their first names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage "Mr. Steve," but I don't get hung up on it.

+1 We've adopted the Miss/Mr. convention. I like it.

Not a fan at all, last name till an adult says otherwise. Its rude to me.

[Anonymous]

We also encourage our kids to call people by Mr. or Ms. <firstname> if we don't know what they prefer. I tell my kids that it's a sign of respect for the adult. If the adult tells them to call them something else, including first name with no title, then I tell them to address the person as requested. When they are in high school, they can start to move towards addressing adults by first name only, except for adults in leadership positions (like teachers, coaches, scout leaders, etc).

[Anonymous]

Miss Jane and Mr John makes everyone sound like a preschool teacher.

[Anonymous]

If the adult introduced themselves by their first name then of course the children can call them that. If the child said "Hello, Mr. Bing!" and Mr. Bing replied, "Please, call me Chandler," then of course the child can then call the adult Chandler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I encourage "Mr. Steve," but I don't get hung up on it.

+1 We've adopted the Miss/Mr. convention. I like it.

Not a fan at all, last name till an adult says otherwise. Its rude to me.

How do you address other adults when you talk to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

oh my...some of you have issues deeply ingrained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Miss Jane and Mr John makes everyone sound like a preschool teacher.

I kind of agree but I still encourage this with my kids. I think a lot of people like the respectful tone of ms/mr but last names can get complicated and confusing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Mr Tom and Ms Jessica is a good compromise. It feels a little too familiar for a kid to call a parent by Jimmy, but Mr. Mathews feels overly formal.

I don't really care if you call me Larla or Ms. Lastname, but Miss Larla creeps me out. Like I am so old Southern maiden aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mr Tom and Ms Jessica is a good compromise. It feels a little too familiar for a kid to call a parent by Jimmy, but Mr. Mathews feels overly formal.

Yes. My kids call their friends' parents Ms./Mr. First Name for this exact reason.

Culturally, they refer all of our friends as uncle or auntie as a sign of respect.

This is a strange rationale. What do you teach your kids about respect? And what have those other adults done to earn respect, other than living an extra 20-30 years without dying?

I think your rationale is strange too. So we're even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

oh my...some of you have issues deeply ingrained.

Exactly. That post screams "I've never done anything in my life to earn the respect of other adults, therefore I must get it from kids who I've never done anything for!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think Mr Tom and Ms Jessica is a good compromise. It feels a little too familiar for a kid to call a parent by Jimmy, but Mr. Mathews feels overly formal.

I don't really care if you call me Larla or Ms. Lastname, but Miss Larla creeps me out. Like I am so old Southern maiden aunt.

Agree. Any time a kid has called me Miss Lauren, I've told them "Please just call me Lauren. I don't like the 'miss' part." And when they tell me they're trying to be respectful I tell them the most respectful thing they can do is call people what they want to be called, and I'm happy to tell their parents that if it comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

It's your name. If the mother mispronounced your name, would you similarly feel like you couldn't correct her because you'd be contradicting her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

It's your name. If the mother mispronounced your name, would you similarly feel like you couldn't correct her because you'd be contradicting her?

A mispronunciation is not the same as explicit behavioral instruction from the parent. If she pronounced my name incorrectly it would be a mistake, not a parenting choice. I would have no problem correcting a mistake, but as you can see by the posters here trying to pathologize my feelings, parenting choices are not open to correction in the same way. It's not my place to parent this kid, or to impose my standards on their family. They are well within their rights to tell their kid this is appropriate, and the fact that it's going to be received as appropriate by some and inappropriate by others is just the way things go. Like I tell my kids: different families have different rules.

The same way the poster upthread thinks Ms. Lauren, which is my default instruction for my kids, is weirdly Southern Maiden Aunt and the worst of all available options. You can't please everyone, and I'm not jumping down her throat for having a different reaction.