Do you let your children call adults by their first names?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

I have never ever had a kid call me by my first name. And I don't live in the south. This just isn't an issue for me, at all. Your kid calling me by first name would be a serious outlier and wouldn't stay a friend for very long.

It sounds like it's a very important issue to you, then.

Says the person freaking out that they will not be controlled. The rule is simple: call people what they want. It’s rude not to. Luckily i don’t know rude disrespectful kids who haven’t learned this rule. What place is this where these kids live?

Why does this trigger you so much? Honestly it just sounds like you expect to have power over kids. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

I have never ever had a kid call me by my first name. And I don't live in the south. This just isn't an issue for me, at all. Your kid calling me by first name would be a serious outlier and wouldn't stay a friend for very long.

It sounds like it's a very important issue to you, then.

Says the person freaking out that they will not be controlled. The rule is simple: call people what they want. It’s rude not to. Luckily i don’t know rude disrespectful kids who haven’t learned this rule. What place is this where these kids live?

Why does this trigger you so much? Honestly it just sounds like you expect to have power over kids. Bizarre.

I could ask you the same question. People call people what they ask. Your bizarre insistence that your kids won't do that is weird. Guess what, your kids will easily agree with that when you're not egging them on to be rude to an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

I have never ever had a kid call me by my first name. And I don't live in the south. This just isn't an issue for me, at all. Your kid calling me by first name would be a serious outlier and wouldn't stay a friend for very long.

It sounds like it's a very important issue to you, then.

Says the person freaking out that they will not be controlled. The rule is simple: call people what they want. It’s rude not to. Luckily i don’t know rude disrespectful kids who haven’t learned this rule. What place is this where these kids live?

Do you understand it may be necessary to tell someone how you'd like to be addressed? Otherwise, how is someone else supposed to know this is how you get your kicks?

Obviously they're supposed to just know how to addresspp. Manners are completely culturally, regionally, personally objective. :/

Never has a kid mistakenly called me by my first name because parents raise their kids right in every place I’ve lived in the midwest, west coast, and southwest. You should be more concerned about being called Mrs whenever you’re outside of your backwater mannerless place than i worry about being called by my first name by mistake.

Surely you see the irony in this, right?

Sorry I don't see the irony in pointing out it's rude not to call people what they prefer. Again, where are you from that this isn't done? Name the place.

[Anonymous]

I strongly prefer for kids to call me by my first name. I was raised by a mom who felt this way and it rubbed off. However, I never correct kids who call me something different. Some refer to me as Larla’s mom and most don’t say my name at all. I will respond to whatever works for the kid. My kids are in the late elementary school stage and respect has never been an issue… we’ll see what the middle school years bring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who want kids to address them Mrs. Mr. etc while allowing adults to address them by their first name, are on a power trip.

Adults pretending to be overly familiar with kids is what puts kids in a weird spot. Kids don’t want to be your peers, and adults are the problem when they remove that boundary.

Honorifics are all about hierarchy and authority, not familiarity. If you are fine with me calling you Lisa, but not my child, you concern is not familiarity but your hierarchical status. A child does not owe you any level of deference, only the courtesy and respect that they should show to any human being regardless of age.

Out of courtesy and respect I'd ask your kid to call me Mrs X since we call people what they like to be called, when told. I will also call you and your child by the names you prefer. But you don't get to decide what to call me. Pretty simple.

Of course they will call you by whatever arbitrary preferences you have, but it will be pretty meaningless because esteem and respect is conveyed through actions and behaviors. Children don’t have to like you, esteem you, respect you (beyond basic courtesy) or obey you . You can’t force any of that by making them call you Mrs. X.

I don't care. But they will call me what I like. See how that works?

Nah. They won’t. You can’t control what other people do. And kids these days use first names for adults. Just like in the workplace we all use first names now. This isn’t the 1950s.

I have never ever had a kid call me by my first name. And I don't live in the south. This just isn't an issue for me, at all. Your kid calling me by first name would be a serious outlier and wouldn't stay a friend for very long.

It sounds like it's a very important issue to you, then.

Says the person freaking out that they will not be controlled. The rule is simple: call people what they want. It’s rude not to. Luckily i don’t know rude disrespectful kids who haven’t learned this rule. What place is this where these kids live?

Do you understand it may be necessary to tell someone how you'd like to be addressed? Otherwise, how is someone else supposed to know this is how you get your kicks?

Obviously they're supposed to just know how to addresspp. Manners are completely culturally, regionally, personally objective. :/

Never has a kid mistakenly called me by my first name because parents raise their kids right in every place I’ve lived in the midwest, west coast, and southwest. You should be more concerned about being called Mrs whenever you’re outside of your backwater mannerless place than i worry about being called by my first name by mistake.

Surely you see the irony in this, right?

Sorry I don't see the irony in pointing out it's rude not to call people what they prefer. Again, where are you from that this isn't done? Name the place.

Referring to someone else's hometown as a "backwater mannerless place" is not very good manners.

[Anonymous]

No.

It's either - Mr. or Ms. First Name/Last Name. or whatever the person wants to be called.

For our relatives - usually the first name and name of the relationship (in our language).

For our friends (from our culture) - First Name + Uncle/Auntie. Or Elder Brother/Elder Sister - based on how old they are.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Oh man, this hits home. I was raised in Texas and would NEVER have done such a thing, it was like spitting in someone's eye. Now I live here and friends of DH's have taught their 6 year old to call me "Jenny" - no Ms., no Larla's mom - and every. single. time. my initial reaction is "wtf did you just say???"

The kid is doing nothing wrong because her parents literally told her to call adults by their names. But I cannot get over how upset it makes me, and it makes me think the kid is a brat even though she is obeying her mom and dad.

So no, I don't let my kid do that, not at this tender age. If she grows into a bratty teen who tries it out to test boundaries I won't be shocked, but a little kid is not on par with an adult and it's weird and off-putting to pretend otherwise.

So, given that you're upset, I assume you asked her to call you Mrs. High-and-Mighty and she refused, right? Because obviously if you have a legitimate reason to use a particular title you wouldn't hesitate to correct others.

Did she give a reason why she won't use the title?

Just say "I actually prefer Mrs. Jones. Thank you."

If you did not address it right away, you can always say "Come to think of it, I would prefer that you call me Mrs. Jones. Thank you." next time you are called by first name.

No, because her mom told her in front of me to call me Jenny. So I'm trapped in a situation where I'm either gainsaying a parent to their child, or listening to a kid obey their parent even though it makes me deeply uncomfortable. The polite thing to do is to suck it up, not make everyone else uncomfortable. But I get that someone who thinks basic courtesy is "high-and-mighty" might be lost in this interaction.

Many posters here are saying they prefer to be called by their first name. Why is it better for them to "uncomfortably" correct others, rather than for you to do so?

Giving someone permission to call you a more familiar name than what they've used is a standard thing to do if you're open to it, and it's well within anyone's purview to do in any conversation. Telling someone "you are addressing me in an inappropriately familiar manner" is a correction of behavior, not a boon. And doing it in front of the parent they are supposed to take instruction from, and in direct conflict with the instruction they were just given, is confusing for a small child and aggressively confrontational for the adults. Look how upset you all are to learn that an anonymous internet stranger finds it rude: but you want me to say "that's rude" to the parent and kid instead of moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not permitted unless the adult specifies to call them by their first name.

Same.
Default is always Mr/Ms

[Anonymous]

Same--only if the adult requests it.