How to be Petty - SIL Advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, it is just too difficult to take the side of a woman who judges another woman’s value based on whether she’s married or ever will be. As always, there are two sides to this story.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, it is just too difficult to take the side of a woman who judges another woman’s value based on whether she’s married or ever will be. As always, there are two sides to this story.

It's Op's home, it's Op's husband special event, Op and her husband have suggested a hotel and even researched the hotels that had dedicated office work areas.

MIL is being a pill and is the one creating the issue. If she treated her children fairly and as equals she would see that she is imposing upon Op and her family to accommodate the SIL.

My guess is, the SIL tried to say "Mom, I would love to go but I have to work remotely and Brother's house is way too noisy and chaotic for me to do that." But MIL insisted that SIL come along and has pestered Op into allowing this visit and has even gone so far as to rearrange Op's office for the SIL's use.

***Plumbing issue. If you have to use some of that fart spray to make it realistic, use it. They need to go to a hotel.***

Who are the pathetic people that come up with these dumbass stories/excuses for an OP to use?

Put yourself in Op's position. What is the best way to get the in-laws to stay in a hotel without a bunch of hurt feelings and controversy ruining Op's husband's day? Use your noggin'. It doesn't sound like SIL wants to use her vacation leave on this trip and is probably not even excited to be going for this visit in the first place.

But MIL is not going to take "no" for an answer and is insisting that SIL come on this visit and that Op accommodate her. That is wrong. Going into Op's private office space to make room for SIL was intrusive and breathtakingly rude of MIL. And MIL inviting SIL to stay in Op's home and insisting that SIL tag along is brutally rude of MIL.

Thankfully, the Op's husband is on board with his family members staying in a hotel so he can tell them a little white lie about the plumbing having issues and having to wait for parts to get it repaired or some such thing.

[Anonymous]

Who “demands” her own room that had two monitors when she visits someone’s house. If she asked nicely about sleeping arrangements, that’s one thing. If OP doesn’t have a second guest room for SIL, or can’t move her own work from home situation to the primary bedroom for their visit, then SIL can get a hotel. But personally, if I’m hosting someone I liked, I’d yield my home office to them as their bedroom for the whole visit and just work from my bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, it is just too difficult to take the side of a woman who judges another woman’s value based on whether she’s married or ever will be. As always, there are two sides to this story.

It's Op's home, it's Op's husband special event, Op and her husband have suggested a hotel and even researched the hotels that had dedicated office work areas.

MIL is being a pill and is the one creating the issue. If she treated her children fairly and as equals she would see that she is imposing upon Op and her family to accommodate the SIL.

My guess is, the SIL tried to say "Mom, I would love to go but I have to work remotely and Brother's house is way too noisy and chaotic for me to do that." But MIL insisted that SIL come along and has pestered Op into allowing this visit and has even gone so far as to rearrange Op's office for the SIL's use.

***Plumbing issue. If you have to use some of that fart spray to make it realistic, use it. They need to go to a hotel.***

Who are the pathetic people that come up with these dumbass stories/excuses for an OP to use?

Put yourself in Op's position. What is the best way to get the in-laws to stay in a hotel without a bunch of hurt feelings and controversy ruining Op's husband's day? Use your noggin'. It doesn't sound like SIL wants to use her vacation leave on this trip and is probably not even excited to be going for this visit in the first place.

But MIL is not going to take "no" for an answer and is insisting that SIL come on this visit and that Op accommodate her. That is wrong. Going into Op's private office space to make room for SIL was intrusive and breathtakingly rude of MIL. And MIL inviting SIL to stay in Op's home and insisting that SIL tag along is brutally rude of MIL.

Thankfully, the Op's husband is on board with his family members staying in a hotel so he can tell them a little white lie about the plumbing having issues and having to wait for parts to get it repaired or some such thing.

No. This is stupid and immature to recommend.

If you don’t want houseguests you don’t have houseguests. You don’t invent stupid stories and use fart spray (WTF is that?!) because you haven’t matured past the 8th grade and developed the ability to use your brain as an adult.

[Anonymous]

My friend was in a similar situation with not enough room and a high maintenance relative. She ended up booking a hotel for her saying that unfortunately she can’t provide suitable accommodation in her house but booked a nice hotel. I think she paid for the hotel to soften the blow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, it is just too difficult to take the side of a woman who judges another woman’s value based on whether she’s married or ever will be. As always, there are two sides to this story.

It's Op's home, it's Op's husband special event, Op and her husband have suggested a hotel and even researched the hotels that had dedicated office work areas.

MIL is being a pill and is the one creating the issue. If she treated her children fairly and as equals she would see that she is imposing upon Op and her family to accommodate the SIL.

My guess is, the SIL tried to say "Mom, I would love to go but I have to work remotely and Brother's house is way too noisy and chaotic for me to do that." But MIL insisted that SIL come along and has pestered Op into allowing this visit and has even gone so far as to rearrange Op's office for the SIL's use.

***Plumbing issue. If you have to use some of that fart spray to make it realistic, use it. They need to go to a hotel.***

Who are the pathetic people that come up with these dumbass stories/excuses for an OP to use?

Put yourself in Op's position. What is the best way to get the in-laws to stay in a hotel without a bunch of hurt feelings and controversy ruining Op's husband's day? Use your noggin'. It doesn't sound like SIL wants to use her vacation leave on this trip and is probably not even excited to be going for this visit in the first place.

But MIL is not going to take "no" for an answer and is insisting that SIL come on this visit and that Op accommodate her. That is wrong. Going into Op's private office space to make room for SIL was intrusive and breathtakingly rude of MIL. And MIL inviting SIL to stay in Op's home and insisting that SIL tag along is brutally rude of MIL.

Thankfully, the Op's husband is on board with his family members staying in a hotel so he can tell them a little white lie about the plumbing having issues and having to wait for parts to get it repaired or some such thing.

No. This is stupid and immature to recommend.

If you don’t want houseguests you don’t have houseguests. You don’t invent stupid stories and use fart spray (WTF is that?!) because you haven’t matured past the 8th grade and developed the ability to use your brain as an adult.

Well, I wouldn't invite a house guest to stay at ANOTHER PERSON'S house and I sure as heck wouldn't busy myself rearranging my host's personal office space to accommodate the person that I had invited. There's that.

And, if the "hosts" suggested that I stay in a hotel, I would....stay in a hotel. They wouldn't even have to ask me twice.

The end goal of this little trip is to celebrate Op's husband's retirement. And that is where the focus should be. Guests who make an occasion like this all about themselves and what they want and what they need are not really there to celebrate a milestone are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your SIL doesn’t actually want to visit and is being difficult because she thinks you are somehow making her visit, when in reality she is being manipulated by her mother.

Dollars to donuts, I’d bet your MIL/FIL is telling your SIL she is invited and has to visit and then your SIL is cranky about crappy accommodations.

Have your DH text your MIL, FIL, and SIL on the same text chain and say he didn’t invite SIL and there’s no room for SIL, she can stay at a hotel if she’d like, but the two of you aren’t hosting her.

Don't you or your DH say any of that. Just say you can't make any specific accommodations and if she needs more it's better she book a hotel

OP here - already offered the hotel route. MIL arrived this week and when we picked her up from the airport we suggested a hotel and provided info on coworking spaces. Obviously this was not good enough as my MIL has spent today rearranging my office to make space for my SIL. My DH has no relationship with this sister - 8 year age gap - and she is 0 factor in his military career. DH left home at 18 and has never lived closer than 1500 miles to home. SIL interloping on our family events has gotten markedly worse the older she gets. We only see ILs once or twice a year. I just got some good wine and chocolate that I am hiding.

Then you are too pathetic to help. I hope you have a miserable time, you deserve it. No one—but no one—stays overnight in my home uninvited. They wouldn’t cross the threshold. You are a doormat, but don’t complain: you are the one who laid down. Weak people deserve to be kicked around. Grow a spine.

Family members don’t count for “invites.” When you invite my parents, I’m allowed to come along too.

Hahaha, stunted spinster/sullen teenager. Nope! When I invite people to my house, it is grown, independent, fully functional adults only. No clingers, no arrested development losers. You aren’t invited to my house and never will be.

[Anonymous]

OP I assume your 18 year old daughter is engaged by now? Since you hate “spinsters.”

[Anonymous]

OP I’m assuming this is also you?: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1088482.page

[Anonymous]

And here: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/1016567.page#21345522

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your SIL doesn’t actually want to visit and is being difficult because she thinks you are somehow making her visit, when in reality she is being manipulated by her mother.

Dollars to donuts, I’d bet your MIL/FIL is telling your SIL she is invited and has to visit and then your SIL is cranky about crappy accommodations.

Have your DH text your MIL, FIL, and SIL on the same text chain and say he didn’t invite SIL and there’s no room for SIL, she can stay at a hotel if she’d like, but the two of you aren’t hosting her.

Don't you or your DH say any of that. Just say you can't make any specific accommodations and if she needs more it's better she book a hotel

OP here - already offered the hotel route. MIL arrived this week and when we picked her up from the airport we suggested a hotel and provided info on coworking spaces. Obviously this was not good enough as my MIL has spent today rearranging my office to make space for my SIL. My DH has no relationship with this sister - 8 year age gap - and she is 0 factor in his military career. DH left home at 18 and has never lived closer than 1500 miles to home. SIL interloping on our family events has gotten markedly worse the older she gets. We only see ILs once or twice a year. I just got some good wine and chocolate that I am hiding.

Then you are too pathetic to help. I hope you have a miserable time, you deserve it. No one—but no one—stays overnight in my home uninvited. They wouldn’t cross the threshold. You are a doormat, but don’t complain: you are the one who laid down. Weak people deserve to be kicked around. Grow a spine.

Family members don’t count for “invites.” When you invite my parents, I’m allowed to come along too.

Hahaha, stunted spinster/sullen teenager. Nope! When I invite people to my house, it is grown, independent, fully functional adults only. No clingers, no arrested development losers. You aren’t invited to my house and never will be.

Nope, our family is a package deal.

[Anonymous]

Husband does it --- it's HIS sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your SIL doesn’t actually want to visit and is being difficult because she thinks you are somehow making her visit, when in reality she is being manipulated by her mother.

Dollars to donuts, I’d bet your MIL/FIL is telling your SIL she is invited and has to visit and then your SIL is cranky about crappy accommodations.

Have your DH text your MIL, FIL, and SIL on the same text chain and say he didn’t invite SIL and there’s no room for SIL, she can stay at a hotel if she’d like, but the two of you aren’t hosting her.

Don't you or your DH say any of that. Just say you can't make any specific accommodations and if she needs more it's better she book a hotel

OP here - already offered the hotel route. MIL arrived this week and when we picked her up from the airport we suggested a hotel and provided info on coworking spaces. Obviously this was not good enough as my MIL has spent today rearranging my office to make space for my SIL. My DH has no relationship with this sister - 8 year age gap - and she is 0 factor in his military career. DH left home at 18 and has never lived closer than 1500 miles to home. SIL interloping on our family events has gotten markedly worse the older she gets. We only see ILs once or twice a year. I just got some good wine and chocolate that I am hiding.

Then you are too pathetic to help. I hope you have a miserable time, you deserve it. No one—but no one—stays overnight in my home uninvited. They wouldn’t cross the threshold. You are a doormat, but don’t complain: you are the one who laid down. Weak people deserve to be kicked around. Grow a spine.

Family members don’t count for “invites.” When you invite my parents, I’m allowed to come along too.

Hahaha, stunted spinster/sullen teenager. Nope! When I invite people to my house, it is grown, independent, fully functional adults only. No clingers, no arrested development losers. You aren’t invited to my house and never will be.

Nope, our family is a package deal.

So this SIL should be willing to host Op, Op's dh and their 5 children? I'll bet not. The problem with this "package deal" stuff is that it is usually very one sided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jodie sweetin teaches painting classes ?

That was my big take away too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jodie sweetin teaches painting classes ?

That was my big take away too.

The mark of a troll.