How to be Petty - SIL Advice

[Anonymous]

For everyone suggesting lying about a plumbing problem in the house, the MIL is already there. The FIL and SIL are arriving later. OP can't lie about anything in the house to get them all to a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone suggesting lying about a plumbing problem in the house, the MIL is already there. The FIL and SIL are arriving later. OP can't lie about anything in the house to get them all to a hotel.

Actually, if some of the bathrooms were suddenly to become off limits due to some problem, the MIL would have to accept that.

A little fart spray and carrying a bucket full of brown water out of a bathroom for a visual impact.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone suggesting lying about a plumbing problem in the house, the MIL is already there. The FIL and SIL are arriving later. OP can't lie about anything in the house to get them all to a hotel.

Actually, if some of the bathrooms were suddenly to become off limits due to some problem, the MIL would have to accept that.

A little fart spray and carrying a bucket full of brown water out of a bathroom for a visual impact.....

So stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone suggesting lying about a plumbing problem in the house, the MIL is already there. The FIL and SIL are arriving later. OP can't lie about anything in the house to get them all to a hotel.

Actually, if some of the bathrooms were suddenly to become off limits due to some problem, the MIL would have to accept that.

A little fart spray and carrying a bucket full of brown water out of a bathroom for a visual impact.....

So stupid.

Genius if it works and gets them to stay at a hotel, though.

[Anonymous]

And what do you say when they tell you to call the plumber? No one’s available?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone suggesting lying about a plumbing problem in the house, the MIL is already there. The FIL and SIL are arriving later. OP can't lie about anything in the house to get them all to a hotel.

Actually, if some of the bathrooms were suddenly to become off limits due to some problem, the MIL would have to accept that.

A little fart spray and carrying a bucket full of brown water out of a bathroom for a visual impact.....

So stupid.

Genius if it works and gets them to stay at a hotel, though.

Nope. No one is going to buy this. More importantly no one is dumb enough to employ these childish games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And what do you say when they tell you to call the plumber? No one’s available?

Have a friend come over dressed as a plumber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, it is just too difficult to take the side of a woman who judges another woman’s value based on whether she’s married or ever will be. As always, there are two sides to this story.

Sure, two sides and all but who's having their office rearranged and home life recentered on an uninvited guest?

The person who is allowing it to happen and choosing to complain to strangers instead of saying something. "Brenda is not able to stay here. If she wants to attend, despite not being invited, she will be staying in a hotel." "Please get out of my office and do not rearrange our belongings." Aside from the fact that the husband should be saying the above, if OP is unwilling to as well, then she deserves what she gets. Enjoy your weekend, OP- you did it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT.

OP here - you are spot on in so many ways. Our youngest is ASD and it has been enlightening to change the perspective. So much to unwrap, but I admittedly am just in a mood this week as it is affecting so much. My MIL even complained there were no pictures of my SIL in the program to which my DH responded that he actually cannot think of a single picture of him in uniform with his sister. My DH and I, in other moments, have conversations with MIL about his sister. I also know that as MIL ages she gets more worried about her daughter and the life that is not there for her; thus the insistence of participating in our life. I get all of that, and that is why I am just hiding my sutter home and Hershey.

As for those looking for Jodie Sweetin painting, https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc_tSWzp3WR/.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I was going to add absolute for real facts that SIL just took a week of true leave from work (no double monitored office needed) to fly to the east coast to see not one - but two - Ruben studdard and clay Aiken concerts; but, I knew I would immediately be identified as a troll. But it’s the honest truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds as if the SIL has Asperger’s that was never diagnosed or tempered by behavioral modifications, and since her parents know that she’s different and is not entirely independent, but have never sought help for her and her habits are ingrained now… they just go along with her demands to avoid the inevitable tantrums. And boy can people with Asperger’s have horrible grown-up tantrums. I have Aspie relatives. Sometimes we have to give in otherwise they are so stubborn they just put themselves in danger or hold everyone hostage in some way.

So to me the parents are guilty of not letting this adult finally fend for herself. It sounds like the parents would rather not come, than come without their daughter. So perhaps only meet them at hotels, where the SIL cannot demand you give up your hotel room for her. If your husband invites his parents to the house, it’s really hard to specifically uninvite her, or spell out how she can use the home. It would lead to a fight, which I’ve had to do many times… but this doesn’t sound like something your husband or his parents seem prepared to do. They’re conflict-averse, which hasn’t been great to teach SIL how to navigate life.

Now you can be the bad guy and say no to your SIL and MIL. You can try pitching a huge fit, make a scene, and say you’ve had enough of having the house turned upside down for a guest you never even invited. Such a calculated act might just work, if you’re willing to play that part. But it takes a lot out of you if you’re not that sort of person to begin with…

Good luck.

BTDT.

OP here - you are spot on in so many ways. Our youngest is ASD and it has been enlightening to change the perspective. So much to unwrap, but I admittedly am just in a mood this week as it is affecting so much. My MIL even complained there were no pictures of my SIL in the program to which my DH responded that he actually cannot think of a single picture of him in uniform with his sister. My DH and I, in other moments, have conversations with MIL about his sister. I also know that as MIL ages she gets more worried about her daughter and the life that is not there for her; thus the insistence of participating in our life. I get all of that, and that is why I am just hiding my sutter home and Hershey.

As for those looking for Jodie Sweetin painting, https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc_tSWzp3WR/.

Wow you really are a horrible person. You and your husband. You understand what it’s like to have a child on the spectrum and anyone with a brain understands it can be hereditary. Yet you have no empathy toward this woman. You instead belittle her for her martial status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your disdain for this woman has caused her to to not want a relationship with you. How much older are you to your SIL? And why are you making arrangements for her stay? That’s up to your husband. He’s clearly not upset his mother isn’t coming to the beach.

Also his mom has her own agency she's not being controlled by MIL

Seems to me op feels like she's superior because she's married and has children and because that her mil should prioritize her.

Yes, OP’s opening statements make that VERY clear.

So what if she does. SIL is unreasonable and seems like a total bi----. Just say you cannot accommodate SIL but here are some hotels that can. And let the chips fall where they may.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I was going to add absolute for real facts that SIL just took a week of true leave from work (no double monitored office needed) to fly to the east coast to see not one - but two - Ruben studdard and clay Aiken concerts; but, I knew I would immediately be identified as a troll. But it’s the honest truth.

So what? Enough people still like Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken that, apparently, they’re putting on multiple concerts. So what? She likes something, she enjoys it, so she goes to see something she enjoys. After all, YOU DRINK SUTTER HOME “WINE” AND EAT HERSHEY “CHOCOLATE,” BIT*H! You can’t judge.

You, too, have horrible taste. And you are so pathetically spineless. Tell them she can’t stay with you, and tell MIL to stop re-arranging your furniture, and get out of your office. I would have solved both of those non-problems in eight seconds flat. By opening my mouth. You know if you try, you can use your mouth for better purposes than shoveling in Hersheys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I was going to add absolute for real facts that SIL just took a week of true leave from work (no double monitored office needed) to fly to the east coast to see not one - but two - Ruben studdard and clay Aiken concerts; but, I knew I would immediately be identified as a troll. But it’s the honest truth.

So what? Enough people still like Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken that, apparently, they’re putting on multiple concerts. So what? She likes something, she enjoys it, so she goes to see something she enjoys. After all, YOU DRINK SUTTER HOME “WINE” AND EAT HERSHEY “CHOCOLATE,” BIT*H! You can’t judge.

You, too, have horrible taste. And you are so pathetically spineless. Tell them she can’t stay with you, and tell MIL to stop re-arranging your furniture, and get out of your office. I would have solved both of those non-problems in eight seconds flat. By opening my mouth. You know if you try, you can use your mouth for better purposes than shoveling in Hersheys.

Did you not read the thread? Someone else tried to insult OP by saying she drinks Sutter Home and eats Hershey’s. OP was just shading that person.