I want my kids to date at least once while they’re still at home & in HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids in their twenties haven't even dated yet (one is 29). Yes, I wish they had relationship experience, and I wish it had happened in HS (or at all). Nobody seems to want to date.

Ok. Not having dated by 29 is concerning....but even then, it's not like you can do anything about it. Your kids' love life is theirs to dictate.

It was concerning "back in the day" but now I think it is more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids in their twenties haven't even dated yet (one is 29). Yes, I wish they had relationship experience, and I wish it had happened in HS (or at all). Nobody seems to want to date.

Ok. Not having dated by 29 is concerning....but even then, it's not like you can do anything about it. Your kids' love life is theirs to dictate.

I didn't really date in my twenties and I wish my parents had said something.
I'm 47 now and haven't ever had a serious long term relationship.

Are you make or female? A virgin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

Lots of people think this way.
In the Jewish community we tell them to practice dating now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:dating and breaking up is part of high school.

Not so much anymore, actually.

Today is more about exploring your gender and orientation options.

Have you sat in a private school or public school Sex Ed class? U learn all the types of sex.

[Anonymous]

What’s with this attitude with sons and adult sons that “all they need is a kind, understanding and patient soul” and they’ll be fine.

They need personal skills and to adapt and be flexible to many personalities. And know which ones they don’t want or be able to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think my senior in HS has even kissed a girl. He’ll be staying college really inexperienced, emotionally and physically. But he’s just very shy. Hopefully he will meet a kind and patient soul in college.

What do you think of taking him on vacation to an all inclusive in Turkey? Some European girls there and they might have a somewhat different approach than their American counterparts.

Turkey today with their upcoming fraudelent election, abduction rates, crime, harboring Russians everywhere, social unrest.

Is this like the ol Trip to the Brothel w dad?

[Anonymous]

My DD wanted to have a boyfriend in HS - so she went and got one. She was turning 17 when they met. Had a nice, solid, low drama relationship for one year which did, I'm sure, include sex. I'm glad it was with someone she loved and it was both of their first times. She broke up with him when she lost interest and all was fine with her, she still looks back at that relationship as the most healthy she's had (and she's 20 now). For the boy though, he was crushed and pursued her for over a year after the breakup, lots of midnight texts and drama. I feel for him and his parents having to deal with the heartbreak while he was a senior in HS and freshman in college.

My DS had his first girlfriend in HS too, and they are still together three years later.

[Anonymous]

PP above, I should add that I am happy my DD had her first serious relationship and sexual experience in HS because now that she is in college, it's all about drunken hookups for most. I'm very glad she wasn't in that situation for her first time.

[Anonymous]

FFS. Focus on things you can control. This ain't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids in their twenties haven't even dated yet (one is 29). Yes, I wish they had relationship experience, and I wish it had happened in HS (or at all). Nobody seems to want to date.

Ok. Not having dated by 29 is concerning....but even then, it's not like you can do anything about it. Your kids' love life is theirs to dictate.

It was concerning "back in the day" but now I think it is more common.

It is more common for high schoolers not to date today, yes. It is not more common for nearly-30-year-olds to have never dated. That's highly unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

No, I felt the same way. It didn't happen but I wish it would have. I feel that once they reach college they are trying to deal with so much and then throw in that first relationship and it can easy cause a spiral. Happens to lots of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

This is weird. You can give your kid condoms if you want to when he's college age. Newsflash: He'll also have access to them for free at the on-campus health clinic.

Also, if he's away at college, you don't have to worry about making sure you're not at home enough so that he can screw his girlfriend in your house. He would have free reign to have sex at his dorm or her dorm.

I don't know what your relationship with your son is like, but as a man, I can't think of myself or any other man wanting SEX advice from their MOTHER. So I think your expectations here around this issue with your son are not rooted in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

PP who find this poster's wording to be creepy as you rightly pointed out.

Also, great point about the girlfriend and girlfriend's parents! They might not be onboard with this lady's plan to deflower her son ASAP. She's basically treating her son's potential girlfriend as a object to be used, not as a whole person whose thoughts, feelings and wellbeing should be considered alongside her son's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

No, no. I am sure there are many others who feel like you. There are also many others who are not like you.

For example, I would not want to have my kids be interested in dating in HS because I think they can wait till they get into college. I think in HS they should be concentrating on academics. I do not want them getting into starter relationships because there is no value to it. 50% of US marriages end in divorce. And a majority of marriages have mismatched libido. There is zero benefit of being in a relationship so young. Better to concentrate on your future career so that you have a good life and eventually the aim is to have a very small selective dating pool.

+1,000