I want my kids to date at least once while they’re still at home & in HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

I agree with everything you said. I might not be the best writer but I am not dumb. Of course no misleading of parents. And of course no letting him know that I can’t wait for him to have sex lol
What I am thinking is:
-condoms readily available but I don’t monitor the usage
- careful with high strung, dramatic girls especially
- never spread rumors
- make damn sure you have her consent

I am also thinking of taking him on vacations to places outside the US where there’s more freedom and less weight places on relationships, where it’s easier to have a fling
I was told an all inclusive in Turkey might have the right teen crowd

This is honestly one of the stranger things I have read on DCUM, and that is saying a lot. Why don't you just hire a pro back at home? That would give him the experience, and save you a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

I agree with everything you said. I might not be the best writer but I am not dumb. Of course no misleading of parents. And of course no letting him know that I can’t wait for him to have sex lol
What I am thinking is:
-condoms readily available but I don’t monitor the usage
- careful with high strung, dramatic girls especially
- never spread rumors
- make damn sure you have her consent

I am also thinking of taking him on vacations to places outside the US where there’s more freedom and less weight places on relationships, where it’s easier to have a fling
I was told an all inclusive in Turkey might have the right teen crowd

This is honestly one of the stranger things I have read on DCUM, and that is saying a lot. Why don't you just hire a pro back at home? That would give him the experience, and save you a lot of money.

Because then she act like she didn't orchestrate sex for her teen, "it just happened," even though she's clearly invested in that specific outcome in unsettling ways.

[Anonymous]

This is so interesting.
So one parent wants their kid to have a one night stand/fling…& is willing to plan a whole trip to magical Turkey (???) on the hope this will happen).
Another parent sat down their 13-year old to engineer social climbing relationships & ruthlessly cull less advantageous relationships so she can achieve the goal of going to a college where she is dating a guy in the best frat (who she may then use as a stepping stone to meet an even more desirable frat guy, if the opportunity presents itself).
What???
I have always thought people who have strong opinions on their kids dating in high school are kind of clueless. You can’t really stop a kid from having a crush or falling in love - sure, you can forbid dating but they will find a way to be together at a dance, text, share emotions for each other - you can’t control how their heart feels, so they will still have a bf/gf (even if they can’t see the person outside of school or whatever rules you put in place). But this kind of involvement in their feelings/relationships is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so interesting.
So one parent wants their kid to have a one night stand/fling…& is willing to plan a whole trip to magical Turkey (???) on the hope this will happen).
Another parent sat down their 13-year old to engineer social climbing relationships & ruthlessly cull less advantageous relationships so she can achieve the goal of going to a college where she is dating a guy in the best frat (who she may then use as a stepping stone to meet an even more desirable frat guy, if the opportunity presents itself).
What???
I have always thought people who have strong opinions on their kids dating in high school are kind of clueless. You can’t really stop a kid from having a crush or falling in love - sure, you can forbid dating but they will find a way to be together at a dance, text, share emotions for each other - you can’t control how their heart feels, so they will still have a bf/gf (even if they can’t see the person outside of school or whatever rules you put in place). But this kind of involvement in their feelings/relationships is crazy.

+1000

I told my 20 year old DD about this thread and she is incredulous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think my senior in HS has even kissed a girl. He’ll be staying college really inexperienced, emotionally and physically. But he’s just very shy. Hopefully he will meet a kind and patient soul in college.

What do you think of taking him on vacation to an all inclusive in Turkey? Some European girls there and they might have a somewhat different approach than their American counterparts.

Turkey today with their upcoming fraudelent election, abduction rates, crime, harboring Russians everywhere, social unrest.

Is this like the ol Trip to the Brothel w dad?

Do you also think that all inclusives on Mexico are representative of the country of Mexico?
Also, Russians who left Russia are mostly normal people who don’t want to partake in the craziness. But I digress

No I’m Turkish and lived at our Marmaris place for six months last year working remotely. Country is going down the tubes. I’m sure you’re an already aware of its many accelerating issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

I agree with everything you said. I might not be the best writer but I am not dumb. Of course no misleading of parents. And of course no letting him know that I can’t wait for him to have sex lol
What I am thinking is:
-condoms readily available but I don’t monitor the usage
- careful with high strung, dramatic girls especially
- never spread rumors
- make damn sure you have her consent

I am also thinking of taking him on vacations to places outside the US where there’s more freedom and less weight places on relationships, where it’s easier to have a fling
I was told an all inclusive in Turkey might have the right teen crowd

You seem to have missed the part about respect and emotional consequences. I don’t know why you want to decouple sex from feelings and relationships. I’m not sure what your obsession is with Turkey. I’m not sure how the “right teen crowd” would be one for teens to have flings and virgins get deflowered without relationships. To me, that seems like a toxic crowd I’d want my child to avoid. Moreover, that crowd would seem more prone to high risk behaviors. I don’t know if you’re talking about professional sex workers or a Turkish version of spring break, but neither group would I want to entrust with my child’s health and well-being.

A Turkish version of spring break. Speaking of spring break, maybe it can be found somewhere closer?
Yes I am aware of feelings that come with sex but if it’s a summer fling it shouldn’t be too bad
Ideally i hope for my son to meet a girl who is a little older and more experienced and have a fling with her (without the sex worker vibes) and then he can go on building all kinds of relationships.
I think being even a bit experienced gives confidence and reduces anxiety

Wtf.

Have you told your husband about these such goals or yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes some of these comments are really creepy, some of you are way too entangled in your kids lives in a weird way. And I generally am ok with early dating but wanting your teen to have international one night stands is bizarre to discuss or think about

Maybe she’s opening up the Turkey white lotus, with some Russian oligarch money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

I agree with everything you said. I might not be the best writer but I am not dumb. Of course no misleading of parents. And of course no letting him know that I can’t wait for him to have sex lol
What I am thinking is:
-condoms readily available but I don’t monitor the usage
- careful with high strung, dramatic girls especially
- never spread rumors
- make damn sure you have her consent

I am also thinking of taking him on vacations to places outside the US where there’s more freedom and less weight places on relationships, where it’s easier to have a fling
I was told an all inclusive in Turkey might have the right teen crowd

This is honestly one of the stranger things I have read on DCUM, and that is saying a lot. Why don't you just hire a pro back at home? That would give him the experience, and save you a lot of money.

A pro is a pro, and easy going happy go lucky regular girls are a whole different story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes some of these comments are really creepy, some of you are way too entangled in your kids lives in a weird way. And I generally am ok with early dating but wanting your teen to have international one night stands is bizarre to discuss or think about

Maybe she’s opening up the Turkey white lotus, with some Russian oligarch money.

Who don’t you open your own thread in politics and discuss Turkey, Russian oligarchs and what not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think my senior in HS has even kissed a girl. He’ll be staying college really inexperienced, emotionally and physically. But he’s just very shy. Hopefully he will meet a kind and patient soul in college.

What do you think of taking him on vacation to an all inclusive in Turkey? Some European girls there and they might have a somewhat different approach than their American counterparts.

Turkey today with their upcoming fraudelent election, abduction rates, crime, harboring Russians everywhere, social unrest.

Is this like the ol Trip to the Brothel w dad?

Do you also think that all inclusives on Mexico are representative of the country of Mexico?
Also, Russians who left Russia are mostly normal people who don’t want to partake in the craziness. But I digress

No I’m Turkish and lived at our Marmaris place for six months last year working remotely. Country is going down the tubes. I’m sure you’re an already aware of its many accelerating issues.

Your resorts are still great though. It’s not like I am moving to Turkey.
Sorry about the country though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 17 year old daughter is aromantic and asexual. So, I don’t expect her to date just so she can go through a breakup.

This isn’t normal, sorry. It may be bravado on her part or maybe she needs therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

How the hell will you do that? Will you be standing over them with a bullhorn, guiding and directing all of the action? Some of you people are twisted!

Well my plan is to buy condoms and have them available so that he can take them
Making sure he has somewhere to do it (being away from home at times)
Just being generally available for advice if needed, for safeguarding…

He can get condoms at college. Even when I was in college, condoms were widely available. If it makes you feel better, buy him a box (but if he’s not having sex yet, it might be expired when he actually gets around to using it). College kids can and will find a place for sex. More than likely he and his college roommate will develop a system and they don’t need your supervision. He is not going to want your advice and would probably be mortified at the thought.

Your role is to have an awkward discussion about STDs, pregnancy, protection - its use and failure rates, legal consequences, respect, that sex has emotional consequences (not just physical) for both him and his partner, etc. Make sure he knows he can come to you about anything if he wants. Talk to him about relationships.

I agree with PP that the way you phrased your earlier message was really creepy. You need to be more precise with your wording and DON’t tell your son you want him to have sex while still in your care so you can make sure it’s done in a safe manner.

You might also want to keep in mind that his girlfriends’ parents may not share your motivation to have their daughters get laid young. Please don’t mislead them into thinking you’re chaperoning.

I agree with everything you said. I might not be the best writer but I am not dumb. Of course no misleading of parents. And of course no letting him know that I can’t wait for him to have sex lol
What I am thinking is:
-condoms readily available but I don’t monitor the usage
- careful with high strung, dramatic girls especially
- never spread rumors
- make damn sure you have her consent

I am also thinking of taking him on vacations to places outside the US where there’s more freedom and less weight places on relationships, where it’s easier to have a fling
I was told an all inclusive in Turkey might have the right teen crowd

The fact that you keep saying things like this and don't see anything wrong with it is the issue. You are literally lusting for your son to have sex with other teens. You are a madam.

This is creepy. You're his mom. Please stop.

Oh come on.
Good parents are supposed to provide opportunities- academics,
Sports, new experiences
It’s not like I am going to hire someone for him
But being around nice good looking girls is better than being around video game playing nerds… it might present an opportunity you know?

I'm choosing to believe this is some bullsh-- troll or teenager posting this. Because, man, if this is an adult, you have serious issues.

It’s just a foreign concept to you, but there’s nothing super wrong with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD wanted to have a boyfriend in HS - so she went and got one. She was turning 17 when they met. Had a nice, solid, low drama relationship for one year which did, I'm sure, include sex. I'm glad it was with someone she loved and it was both of their first times. She broke up with him when she lost interest and all was fine with her, she still looks back at that relationship as the most healthy she's had (and she's 20 now). For the boy though, he was crushed and pursued her for over a year after the breakup, lots of midnight texts and drama. I feel for him and his parents having to deal with the heartbreak while he was a senior in HS and freshman in college.

My DS had his first girlfriend in HS too, and they are still together three years later.

That's not love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a girl and boy in late high school who both attend single sex schools. Neither has dated but I know my son has kissed a girl (or girls) and he regularly goes to parties. I'm quite sure my daughter has not--she really has spent no time with boys 1:1 and she does't go to parties (is not invited). her entire friend group is this way--it's a group of about a dozen lovely, sophisticated, fun, smart girls but they have almost zero contact with boys.

Part of me is bummed that my kid is basically living in a convent throughout high school. Frankly, it was a LOT of fun to make out with boys in high school. I didn't even have sex but even just kissing boys was fun. And the whole "does he like me?,"flirting, watching him across a room, tension thing. Well, it was a blast. I miss those days. (and I was a great student and athlete so none of this distracted from school, etc).

But the downside of "dating" in high school or even spending significant energy on chasing boys is that it leaves less time for developing female friendships. And those are the friendships that may last long term. I didn't make a lot of solid close friends in high school because I was so busy "dating" etc. My daughter has some lovely close friends so if she leaves high school with these and no male experience it's not a bad thing.

Are they lovely? Are they fun? Then were are the boys?

My husband and I sat down our daughter as she was going into high school. She was deciding between soccer and lacrosse for her main sport, and we needed to discuss with her what she wanted to accomplish in high school. As we all know, unlike middle school things count in high school. That's not just with academics and athletics, but also your social choices.

Fortunately she was on the same wavelength. We agreed that she shouldn't be overtly mean to anyone, but that she has no obligation whatsoever to associate with anyone who pulls her down. Choosing lacrosse, we agreed that those girls and the soccer girls who she knew growing up should be her main groups. We encouraged her to make friends with older girls who could show her the ropes and help her mature, and we did everything we could to glow up what she was building on the lacrosse field and in the weight room.

It paid off. She's going to a SLAC in the Fall, where her boyfriend is a sophomore in the top frat on campus. So she'll have a foundation when she gets there, but she'll also have her pick of other men if she sees someone better.

We're proud of her. But we know it wouldn't have happened if we hadn't taken a good look with her at her social interactions over middle school, and how she should do better starting high school. For PP, we didn't settle for our daughter having self-professed "lovely" and "fun" girlfriends who didn't engage with boys and the world outside their bubble. She stepped beyond those kids who couldn't keep up with her, and she hasn't regretted it one bit.

This sounds like the plot of a cheesy 80s movie where your family is the villain.

[Anonymous]

My advice for parents here is to surround your kid with caring peers who have healthy interests and goals, and they'll fall in love with each other or set each other up with other food people in their community.