I want my kids to date at least once while they’re still at home & in HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. That is very strange thinking, to be honest.

This person is an idiot.

OP, your thought process is valid and normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm finding that there there are a few kids that feel that they want to date, and their lives revolve around that. But most are not dating for whatever reason.

I know several kids in their 20s who have never had a real, serious BF/GF. They seem FINE.

All of my HS junior DD’s friends are dating or want to be. And all of her acquaintances seem to be dating too.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I completely agree.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this thinking. Dating at least once is different than a relationship, especially one with a significant breakup. I would think it might take multiple dates for your child to find someone they want a relationship with. You don’t breakup when a relationship is good, so you want your child to have a bad relationship? What happens if the relationship is really bad and causes your child problems? What if it’s really good and they aren’t ready to break up on your timetable?

I wouldn’t want my kids to have a relationship for the sake of having one. If they find someone they like, I’d be happy for them to date. If it goes well, I’d be happy for them to develop a relationship. But I want them to understand that they don’t need a relationship to be happy. I want them to understand that everything has an opportunity cost and that even a great relationship will mean some compromises (that should be on both sides). Moreover, while they may decide they’re happier in a good relationship than single, being in a bad relationship is so much worse. The goal should never be to find a relationship. I’d rather they just live their life, and if friendship seems like it might develop into something more, and they’re open to it, they can give it a chance and see if it turns into a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. That is very strange thinking, to be honest.

I don’t think it’s strange. But it’s not like any of control when our kids start dating.

I think talking about character discernment from an early age, and also having fun mom-daughter chats analyzing and discussing romantic relationships help kids develop a set of dating values (like not tolerating deception or disrespect). Also I think Dads are extremely important, maybe even moreso, in helping their kids make smart choices. But most people will do some foolish things when it comes to young love, and that’s ok too!! We live and learn

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:dating and breaking up is part of high school.

Not everyone is ready or even interested in that in HS. I wasn’t and my son wasn’t either. He preferred going out as a group.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t date until college and I wish I had but not for that reason - because I made dumb choices being inexperienced dating men with a lot more than me, and the expectation to do more sexually much quicker than I see is expected for my high schooler.

I now have a 15 year old who is dating and is 3 months in to what seems to be a somewhat serious relationship (for 15 anyway) with her former best guy friend (so they’ve been close longer than 3 months). And I’ve had to pull teeth to get any info out of her. She’s not asking for my advice or telling me anything and her friends all seem equally secretive so it may not be as “guiding” as you think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. That is very strange thinking, to be honest.

I don’t think it’s strange. But it’s not like any of control when our kids start dating.

I think talking about character discernment from an early age, and also having fun mom-daughter chats analyzing and discussing romantic relationships help kids develop a set of dating values (like not tolerating deception or disrespect). Also I think Dads are extremely important, maybe even moreso, in helping their kids make smart choices. But most people will do some foolish things when it comes to young love, and that’s ok too!! We live and learn

There was no way I would have had those chats with my mom.

[Anonymous]

Please, please make sure your children don't ever know you feel this way. The pressure I got from my mom to date had the opposite effect on me entirely. All I ever heard about was how much she dated when she was my age and it made me feel inadequate and like a loser when I wasn't living up to her idea of the perfect, social, desirable-to-boys teenager. Please just don't.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23 and was convinced something was terribly wrong with me and that I was unlikeable and undateable and just un-everything. It was a horrible self-perpetuating cycle created by my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids in their twenties haven't even dated yet (one is 29). Yes, I wish they had relationship experience, and I wish it had happened in HS (or at all). Nobody seems to want to date.

It's laughable to me that you say such a thing without any sort of "to my knowledge" qualification. You have no real idea if your 29 year old has dated or not. You only know what has been presented to you.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think my senior in HS has even kissed a girl. He’ll be staying college really inexperienced, emotionally and physically. But he’s just very shy. Hopefully he will meet a kind and patient soul in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's weird. You have no role in "supervising" the romantic life of your child, regardless of whether they're in high school or not.

And I would not PUSH my child to have a romantic relationship in high school if they didn't want to just so I could say I have oversight of their dating life. Get a grip. You sound insane.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. That is very strange thinking, to be honest.

I disagree with you and agree with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So that they learn to handle a breakup in a supervised manner & get relationship experience. Am I the only person who feels this way?

I will probably shock everyone even more but I would prefer my son to have sex fairly early. I believe it boosts confidence and takes the edge off so to speak. It’s best if he first tries it while still in my care as I can probably make sure it’s done in a safe manner