I want my kids to date at least once while they’re still at home & in HS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids in their twenties haven't even dated yet (one is 29). Yes, I wish they had relationship experience, and I wish it had happened in HS (or at all). Nobody seems to want to date.

Ok. Not having dated by 29 is concerning....but even then, it's not like you can do anything about it. Your kids' love life is theirs to dictate.

I didn't really date in my twenties and I wish my parents had said something.
I'm 47 now and haven't ever had a serious long term relationship.

Are you make or female? A virgin?

Female, and far from a virgin. I date a lot. I've just never really had a serious boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD wanted to have a boyfriend in HS - so she went and got one. She was turning 17 when they met. Had a nice, solid, low drama relationship for one year which did, I'm sure, include sex. I'm glad it was with someone she loved and it was both of their first times. She broke up with him when she lost interest and all was fine with her, she still looks back at that relationship as the most healthy she's had (and she's 20 now). For the boy though, he was crushed and pursued her for over a year after the breakup, lots of midnight texts and drama. I feel for him and his parents having to deal with the heartbreak while he was a senior in HS and freshman in college.

My DS had his first girlfriend in HS too, and they are still together three years later.

That's not love.

It is when you’re just turned 17. She felt she loved him at the time, but over the year they both grew as people and grew apart. She wanted to date others because again…17. But thanks for missing the entire ooint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a girl and boy in late high school who both attend single sex schools. Neither has dated but I know my son has kissed a girl (or girls) and he regularly goes to parties. I'm quite sure my daughter has not--she really has spent no time with boys 1:1 and she does't go to parties (is not invited). her entire friend group is this way--it's a group of about a dozen lovely, sophisticated, fun, smart girls but they have almost zero contact with boys.

Part of me is bummed that my kid is basically living in a convent throughout high school. Frankly, it was a LOT of fun to make out with boys in high school. I didn't even have sex but even just kissing boys was fun. And the whole "does he like me?,"flirting, watching him across a room, tension thing. Well, it was a blast. I miss those days. (and I was a great student and athlete so none of this distracted from school, etc).

But the downside of "dating" in high school or even spending significant energy on chasing boys is that it leaves less time for developing female friendships. And those are the friendships that may last long term. I didn't make a lot of solid close friends in high school because I was so busy "dating" etc. My daughter has some lovely close friends so if she leaves high school with these and no male experience it's not a bad thing.

Are they lovely? Are they fun? Then were are the boys?

My husband and I sat down our daughter as she was going into high school. She was deciding between soccer and lacrosse for her main sport, and we needed to discuss with her what she wanted to accomplish in high school. As we all know, unlike middle school things count in high school. That's not just with academics and athletics, but also your social choices.

Fortunately she was on the same wavelength. We agreed that she shouldn't be overtly mean to anyone, but that she has no obligation whatsoever to associate with anyone who pulls her down. Choosing lacrosse, we agreed that those girls and the soccer girls who she knew growing up should be her main groups. We encouraged her to make friends with older girls who could show her the ropes and help her mature, and we did everything we could to glow up what she was building on the lacrosse field and in the weight room.

It paid off. She's going to a SLAC in the Fall, where her boyfriend is a sophomore in the top frat on campus. So she'll have a foundation when she gets there, but she'll also have her pick of other men if she sees someone better.

We're proud of her. But we know it wouldn't have happened if we hadn't taken a good look with her at her social interactions over middle school, and how she should do better starting high school. For PP, we didn't settle for our daughter having self-professed "lovely" and "fun" girlfriends who didn't engage with boys and the world outside their bubble. She stepped beyond those kids who couldn't keep up with her, and she hasn't regretted it one bit.

This ENTIRE post is to creepy I’m hoping it’s a troll. You’re proud of your DD because she’s attending a SLAC with her older boyfriend who is in “the top frat”! I have never heard anything so shallow and I suspect she, and you, is in for a surprise when they break up because he cheated on her. You actually believe you’re setting her up to marry this guy? They are WAY too young and wouldn’t you rather describe her BF as “smart and kind” than crowing about being in the top frat? So bizzare. My kids are both Greek and my DD’s roommate is obsessed with dating the guys in the “best frat”. We talk about how odd and immature that is on a nearly daily basis. Dating someone for status never works out in the long run!

I wouldn’t want my daughter to date a frat boy!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, please make sure your children don't ever know you feel this way. The pressure I got from my mom to date had the opposite effect on me entirely. All I ever heard about was how much she dated when she was my age and it made me feel inadequate and like a loser when I wasn't living up to her idea of the perfect, social, desirable-to-boys teenager. Please just don't.

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 23 and was convinced something was terribly wrong with me and that I was unlikeable and undateable and just un-everything. It was a horrible self-perpetuating cycle created by my mother.

Similar! I was attractive, athletic, fairly popular and had a ton of guy friends, but for whatever reason was never asked out. I didn’t have a real boyfriend until post-college. The first one wasn’t great but I think it was pressure.

I can now see my mom is if a time when women felt like they needed a man, an escort. She’s now widowed and will say things like—her two college best friends invited her to their vacation home but they have their husbands there so it will be weird. Wtf? She turns 80 this year.

[Anonymous]

This thread is WHACK

[Anonymous]

What city in Turkey can we send our boyz?

[Anonymous]

My daughter has had a boyfriend all of senior year, which at times seemed like it was her who wanted it more than he. Well fast forward to this week and they both declared where they were going to college, on opposite sides of the country, and now he all of a sudden becomes clingy. She is not a fan, and its totally changed the dynamic. Do I wish she didn't have to deal with this now and could just focus on packing for college and enjoying her summer? Yeah. But then I can't control their experiences at this age, and just hope she learns something from all her life experiences that she can take with her.