Has anyone managed to convince their spouse to NOT spend Christmas with their family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse insists on spending Christmas with their family. I should have nipped this in the bud early on in our relationship (I am not Christian, so spending Christmas with my family is not a priority), but now I'm kind of pissed about it - Christmas would be an ideal time to take a long vacation, to spend time together in our home, etc..., but now we've set a precedent and I can't convince my spouse otherwise. Any tips and good arguments against this? Kids are in elementary school. They like Christmas with their grandparents, but that's mostly because they get a lot of presents - I'd be willing to have a faux Christmas with them another weekend and my kids would be okay with that, too. This year, due to weather, we spent Christmas morning at home and the kids and I agreed that it was awesome. My DH was the only one who wished he'd had Christmas morning with his family. He SAYS this is pressure from his family to spend Christmas with them, but I don't know if that's actually true. Would LOVE to hear your tips on convincing him to compromise on this. He thinks he's already compromising because we only spend a few days with his family

You're a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, OP should have read the room. I would have expected nothing less from white, christian DCUM. Try a more diverse forum, OP.

LOL! I am a non-White, non-Christian immigrant woman. I am a DIL. I cannot imagine ever treating my ILs with such disrespect. I think OP is basically not a nice person. This is the kind of snake woman you do not want in your family because they do things to break the family instead of making the family. My sympathies to the unfortunate family that was cursed to associate with such a woman.

Wow, this is so nasty.

... and well-deserved.

[Anonymous]

So many of PPs nasty!! OP I love Christmas and love having family here or visiting them but reality is - just as you've suggested - celebrating on another day can be lovely and judt extend the season. In fact its pretty normal for even Christmas-centric people to have many days of formalized holiday celebrations as different sets if family or friends arrive. What cannot happen on an alternate date is that big chunk of days where schools are off and joys are more flexible in granting time off. The complaints that it costs more, is a hassle, might hit cancellations are a factor in any late December trip - whether to Christmas day w/ILs or Breckenridge with just your nuclear family.

The precious time with just your immediate family has a finite number of years so absolutely alternate years or choose a pre or post weekend for Christmas w/ILs. Your DH is married and both your opinions count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are willing to spend an “alternate Christmas” with them, and you don’t celebrate Christmas…then give the justification why it can’t actually be on Christmas that you see them. After all, either way, it’s just a date on the calendar to you, yes?

+1. Celebrate Christmas with them in the day and then take some other random time for your vacation. Still two trips either way. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH actively wants to spend Christmas with them and you don’t celebrate Christmas, it is pretty mean-spirited of you to actively try to prevent it. After all, it is just another day to you. I mean, he said he wishes to see them on Christmas, and your kids don’t mind it. What is your problem?

She literally said in the OP what her problem is…. There’s nothing mean spirited about wanting to spend time with your immediate family or go on vacation. Yeesh people.

OP didn't say she wants to spend time with her own family, just that she wants to go on vacation instead. Yeeesh, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH actively wants to spend Christmas with them and you don’t celebrate Christmas, it is pretty mean-spirited of you to actively try to prevent it. After all, it is just another day to you. I mean, he said he wishes to see them on Christmas, and your kids don’t mind it. What is your problem?

She literally said in the OP what her problem is…. There’s nothing mean spirited about wanting to spend time with your immediate family or go on vacation. Yeesh people.

OP didn't say she wants to spend time with her own family, just that she wants to go on vacation instead. Yeeesh, pp.

No. She said she enjoyed Christmas at home with her kids. If she hadn’t said she wasn’t Christian/didn’t care about Christmas and just said she wanted to celebrate Christmas at home with her nuclear family, none of you would have a problem with it. Instead people are calling her all kinds of awful names for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse insists on spending Christmas with their family. I should have nipped this in the bud early on in our relationship (I am not Christian, so spending Christmas with my family is not a priority), but now I'm kind of pissed about it - Christmas would be an ideal time to take a long vacation, to spend time together in our home, etc..., but now we've set a precedent and I can't convince my spouse otherwise. Any tips and good arguments against this? Kids are in elementary school. They like Christmas with their grandparents, but that's mostly because they get a lot of presents - I'd be willing to have a faux Christmas with them another weekend and my kids would be okay with that, too. This year, due to weather, we spent Christmas morning at home and the kids and I agreed that it was awesome. My DH was the only one who wished he'd had Christmas morning with his family. He SAYS this is pressure from his family to spend Christmas with them, but I don't know if that's actually true. Would LOVE to hear your tips on convincing him to compromise on this. He thinks he's already compromising because we only spend a few days with his family

You hate other people or just the idea of Christmas, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are willing for them to visit on an alternate date, why not Christmas Day? It’s just another date on the calendar to you. How interesting you cannot answer this question.

Yeah exactly. This is what I don’t get. I’m 100% team husband here.

OP, consider that one reason your husband likes to visit on Christmas is that he gets to have the traditions, decor, and special foods without having to do/make/cook them himself. Are you offering to help him with those things, to the extent they are important to him?

Visiting for Christmas means it all gets done in one go. If you stay at home, it's like having two Christmas-es instead of one. That might not be a better deal for you. TBH it sounds like you're looking for a way to avoid doing any Christmas.

+1. You need to make staying at home with the kids more special/fun/relaxing than whatever his mom does. If you’re not able or willing to do this, then yeah, he’s going to want to continue spending Christmas morning at his mom’s house.

OP here - I fully participate in everything Christmas at home. We decorate, we bake, we buy a ton of presents, we do a ton of Christmassy stuff, also those of you saying I don't do anything Christmas and I don't make yet fun for my kids are totally wrong.

You just don't want to see your in-laws on a holiday that's important to them. Because you want to go on a vacation? Your husband isn't going to go for that. He's putting family, faith, and tradition above a need to go on a vacation on that day which happens to not be just another random day to him. Leave on the 27th for the vacation.

This seems like the diagnosis and answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, OP should have read the room. I would have expected nothing less from white, christian DCUM. Try a more diverse forum, OP.

LOL! I am a non-White, non-Christian immigrant woman. I am a DIL. I cannot imagine ever treating my ILs with such disrespect. I think OP is basically not a nice person. This is the kind of snake woman you do not want in your family because they do things to break the family instead of making the family. My sympathies to the unfortunate family that was cursed to associate with such a woman.

Wow, this is so nasty.

... and well-deserved.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse insists on spending Christmas with their family. I should have nipped this in the bud early on in our relationship (I am not Christian, so spending Christmas with my family is not a priority), but now I'm kind of pissed about it - Christmas would be an ideal time to take a long vacation, to spend time together in our home, etc..., but now we've set a precedent and I can't convince my spouse otherwise. Any tips and good arguments against this? Kids are in elementary school. They like Christmas with their grandparents, but that's mostly because they get a lot of presents - I'd be willing to have a faux Christmas with them another weekend and my kids would be okay with that, too. This year, due to weather, we spent Christmas morning at home and the kids and I agreed that it was awesome. My DH was the only one who wished he'd had Christmas morning with his family. He SAYS this is pressure from his family to spend Christmas with them, but I don't know if that's actually true. Would LOVE to hear your tips on convincing him to compromise on this. He thinks he's already compromising because we only spend a few days with his family

You hate other people or just the idea of Christmas, OP?

Do you just hate non Christians? Or you just can’t read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've always traveled around Christmastime. We live in CA, so fly to NY and stop there for a night or two, then go on to London, then another city in Europe, then back to NY for a couple of nights (this is where the grandparents are) before coming home.

We do a very lowkey Christmas (like 5 or 6 gifts total for the kids) and see the grandparents at some point near the holiday, but are always out of the country on actual Christmas day. DH and I really hate the commercialization of it in the US.

You: I dislike commercialization.

[Proceeds to drop $10k on airfare and hotels]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suggest alternating years

Or split the week. A couple days at the grandparents. A couple days for a trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH actively wants to spend Christmas with them and you don’t celebrate Christmas, it is pretty mean-spirited of you to actively try to prevent it. After all, it is just another day to you. I mean, he said he wishes to see them on Christmas, and your kids don’t mind it. What is your problem?

She literally said in the OP what her problem is…. There’s nothing mean spirited about wanting to spend time with your immediate family or go on vacation. Yeesh people.

OP didn't say she wants to spend time with her own family, just that she wants to go on vacation instead. Yeeesh, pp.

No. She said she enjoyed Christmas at home with her kids. If she hadn’t said she wasn’t Christian/didn’t care about Christmas and just said she wanted to celebrate Christmas at home with her nuclear family, none of you would have a problem with it. Instead people are calling her all kinds of awful names for no reason.

I think she enjoyed the not traveling to in-laws part of Christmas. Not sure OP, a nonChristian, was telling us she enjoyed Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you are willing for them to visit on an alternate date, why not Christmas Day? It’s just another date on the calendar to you. How interesting you cannot answer this question.

Yeah exactly. This is what I don’t get. I’m 100% team husband here.

OP, consider that one reason your husband likes to visit on Christmas is that he gets to have the traditions, decor, and special foods without having to do/make/cook them himself. Are you offering to help him with those things, to the extent they are important to him?

Visiting for Christmas means it all gets done in one go. If you stay at home, it's like having two Christmas-es instead of one. That might not be a better deal for you. TBH it sounds like you're looking for a way to avoid doing any Christmas.

+1. You need to make staying at home with the kids more special/fun/relaxing than whatever his mom does. If you’re not able or willing to do this, then yeah, he’s going to want to continue spending Christmas morning at his mom’s house.

OP here - I fully participate in everything Christmas at home. We decorate, we bake, we buy a ton of presents, we do a ton of Christmassy stuff, also those of you saying I don't do anything Christmas and I don't make yet fun for my kids are totally wrong.

You just don't want to see your in-laws on a holiday that's important to them. Because you want to go on a vacation? Your husband isn't going to go for that. He's putting family, faith, and tradition above a need to go on a vacation on that day which happens to not be just another random day to him. Leave on the 27th for the vacation.

This seems like the diagnosis and answer.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, OP should have read the room. I would have expected nothing less from white, christian DCUM. Try a more diverse forum, OP.

LOL! I am a non-White, non-Christian immigrant woman. I am a DIL. I cannot imagine ever treating my ILs with such disrespect. I think OP is basically not a nice person. This is the kind of snake woman you do not want in your family because they do things to break the family instead of making the family. My sympathies to the unfortunate family that was cursed to associate with such a woman.

Wow, this is so nasty.

... and well-deserved.

Yup. Spot on. OP wants to drive a wedge between husband and his family, end a family tradition, and then enlists the children to her side to guilt the husband into compliance.