My DIL visibly cringes when I mention I saw her Facebook feed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people post pictures on Facebook? Do they not value privacy? Is their life so fantastic that they think others want to see the pics? Do they not own a photo album?

A photo album? LOL. So that it can be tossed when you die?

[Anonymous]

If you know it makes her uncomfortable, why do you keep doing it? Are you unaware how a kind, polite person acts? Are you trying to stir up trouble?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

Can you answer this question, OP? It’s very basic manners to not continue behaving in a way you know makes someone uncomfortable. Other posters have explained the reasons why your DIL dislikes this particular line of questioning.

OP here. Because there’s nothing wrong with asking about something she’s put out there publicly! Perhaps if she doesn’t want it to be a topic of conversation, she should not put it online.

But...why can't you start a conversation like a normal person? I mean, do you ask her about the stuff chronologically? What are you trying to prove?

If you wanted to just have a conversation, you could just ask her how has she been, anything interesting going on, etc.

So, OP, what is your actual goal here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

Can you answer this question, OP? It’s very basic manners to not continue behaving in a way you know makes someone uncomfortable. Other posters have explained the reasons why your DIL dislikes this particular line of questioning.

OP here. Because there’s nothing wrong with asking about something she’s put out there publicly! Perhaps if she doesn’t want it to be a topic of conversation, she should not put it online.

My god, you sound like the worst MIL ever. Judgmental and always has to get the last word in. You’re the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

Can you answer this question, OP? It’s very basic manners to not continue behaving in a way you know makes someone uncomfortable. Other posters have explained the reasons why your DIL dislikes this particular line of questioning.

OP here. Because there’s nothing wrong with asking about something she’s put out there publicly! Perhaps if she doesn’t want it to be a topic of conversation, she should not put it online.

My god, you sound like the worst MIL ever. Judgmental and always has to get the last word in. You’re the worst.

DP. You are projecting. There are plenty of threads in the family forum that reflect “the worst.” This is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers have taken over Facebook which is part of the cringe. Facebook started when I was in college and I still post because many of my friends are still on but it’s definitely cringey when my boomer parents or in laws mention something from it….

Really? Are you that sensitive? It seems that every interaction is a landline for sone of these PPs.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been supporting OP but I do agree that if OP notices her DIL cringing, she should stop bringing up facebook. That’s a no-brainer, if she wants a good relationship with her DIL. But I disagree that OP is creepy, or “the worst.” C’mon.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's weird to comment on a Facebook feed at this point in time, you've seen the pictures, everyone knows they are out there. It's just cringey to younger people especially.

I'm in my 50s and would find it odd that someone, anyone, is talking about mine or someone else's Facebook feed. The time to do that is clicking the thumbs up or making a nice comment when you are looking at the pictures or statuses while using Facebook. It seems very awkward, like something someone would have done in 2010.

[Anonymous]

OP, listen well. The way to bring it up in conversation is to casually ask a general question, like what have you been up to lately? Then when she says she went hiking with some friends, you can say that oh, you may have seen something about it on FB a while back and then ask her how it was, whether she had a good time, what she did, etc. This is the way normal people do it. You don't just stalk someone on FB and then when you see them in person, just jump right as if FB is the surrogate for polite conversation.

Also, it sounds like OP, you may have been checking out DIL's posts so you can have some topics to discuss when you see her in person? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and this is fine from a public posting perspective. But there is an etiquette to bringing up these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

Can you answer this question, OP? It’s very basic manners to not continue behaving in a way you know makes someone uncomfortable. Other posters have explained the reasons why your DIL dislikes this particular line of questioning.

OP here. Because there’s nothing wrong with asking about something she’s put out there publicly! Perhaps if she doesn’t want it to be a topic of conversation, she should not put it online.

My god, you sound like the worst MIL ever. Judgmental and always has to get the last word in. You’re the worst.

DP. You are projecting. There are plenty of threads in the family forum that reflect “the worst.” This is not one of them.

An argumentative MIL who can’t accept she’s wrong is pretty high up there on the worst scale. Just sayin’…

[Anonymous]

I am an outlier here. I think if you put stuff up on Facebook, it’s not weird for somebody to comment on it. You put your life out there on social media to show off, share or what have you then it’s fair game for somebody to mention it.

In OP’s case just now know not to mention it again. Your DIL wants/doesn’t want the attention and that’s very immature. If your daughter-in-law does not want you seeing her posts without blocking you, she can always put you on the list were you don’t see her posts, but you remain friends.

[Anonymous]

Why did you keep asking her about FB if you could see that she got uncomfortable every time you asked her about FB?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you keep asking her about FB if you could see that she got uncomfortable every time you asked her about FB?

Lol, I've read more from the OP now. Nevermind, it was precisely for the reason I expected.

[Anonymous]

It's there to see, not talk about. My ILs are OBSESSED with Facebook, they are always the first to comment on or like my posts. I started limited FB because I thought it was so weird and am only on instagram now.

[Anonymous]

My mom does this and I love my mother dearly but it does make me cringe a little bit. I don’t use fb but do use Instagram sparingly and, although I know I’m sharing the pics with my followers, the way she asks and brings up multiple posts often in conversation feels like she is studying my page and is kind of quizzing me on what is going on based on my Instagram profile rather than just asking me questions about my life directly.

Honestly, I think it’s just how different generations use social media and I don’t think it’s proof your dil hates you or doesn’t want you seeing her posts or anything like that. Maybe just cool it with the pointed questions about specific posts next time, I know it feels silly but different generations just have different norms. Imo neither of you is “wrong” and there is no reason to make a mountain out of a molehill