My DIL visibly cringes when I mention I saw her Facebook feed

[Anonymous]

We saw my son and his wife for the holiday. I mentioned a few times that it looked like she had a nice get-together with friends recently, or that it looks like she enjoys hiking, or a few other things from her Facebook posts.

She cringed—visibly cringed—every time I mentioned things I’d seen on Facebook. Why would she put it on Facebook if it were private? Did I do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

You didn’t do anything wrong. It is public. But I’d be embarrassed if I were posting daily activities on Facebook, so maybe she’s just embarrassed about her social media use.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s embarrassed that she still posts stuff on Facebook and doesn’t like to talk about it in real life. I don’t post anything anymore, but I always found it awkward when people would bring up things from social media when they saw me in person. Not saying this is a rational reaction, but it was real.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This is the most likely answer. Find conversations that don’t include observations from her FB page.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

Winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

NP. It’s not a little much. My goodness, people are so sensitive and delicate over the smallest things. DIL has posted these photos, and OP has done nothing wrong in mentioning them. It is the DIL’s cringing that is a little much/odd. Nonetheless, it’s important to follow her cues and not mention her Facebook posts again; respecting boundaries, even those that are different from the norm, just makes for a better relationship. DIL might not be comfortable with the level of closeness OP would prefer, and again, while thst might be disappointing, it should be respected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

NP. It’s not a little much. My goodness, people are so sensitive and delicate over the smallest things. DIL has posted these photos, and OP has done nothing wrong in mentioning them. It is the DIL’s cringing that is a little much/odd. Nonetheless, it’s important to follow her cues and not mention her Facebook posts again; respecting boundaries, even those that are different from the norm, just makes for a better relationship. DIL might not be comfortable with the level of closeness OP would prefer, and again, while thst might be disappointing, it should be respected.

DP. I agree that it’s a little much because it wasn’t one thing OP mentioned from FB—it was several. Like she had almost been saving up a list. That’s what was weird, to me. One mention, sure. Numerous mentions of her FB feed was weird. Plus, most people want FB to be peer-to-peer and don’t like it when ILs or friends of parents or bosses or other older people make a Friend request. It’s awkward because they have to accept.

[Anonymous]

Why do you persist if you can see it makes her uncomfortable?

She's not posting for you, and may view your comments as criticism about why she doesn't spend more time with you, etc.

I'm not on social media, and one reason is that I want to compartmentalize my life discreetly instead of blocking my nosy mother and aunts.

[Anonymous]

Mention that you heard Facebook is about as cool as AOL, I.e. it is a has been medium.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t mention her FB again, and don’t Like her comments, etc. She obviously doesn’t like it, so why persist?

That said, DIL should do what I’ve done to my ILs and other people I don’t actually want to be FB with—I put them in the Friends Except list when I post certain things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

NP. It’s not a little much. My goodness, people are so sensitive and delicate over the smallest things. DIL has posted these photos, and OP has done nothing wrong in mentioning them. It is the DIL’s cringing that is a little much/odd. Nonetheless, it’s important to follow her cues and not mention her Facebook posts again; respecting boundaries, even those that are different from the norm, just makes for a better relationship. DIL might not be comfortable with the level of closeness OP would prefer, and again, while thst might be disappointing, it should be respected.

PP. Dear me, they sure are. Imagine being so upset about an awkward conversation not being well received that one needs to start a thread about it.