My DIL visibly cringes when I mention I saw her Facebook feed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

Yes, God forbid this woman try to connect with her child's partner. /s

Why be so judgmental of someone trying to be nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

Yes, God forbid this woman try to connect with her child's partner. /s

Why be so judgmental of someone trying to be nice?

NP. Why can’t she just ask what she’s been up to, like a normal person? I agree that it’s odd to bring up multiple things “you saw she had been doing” from fb posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

Yes, God forbid this woman try to connect with her child's partner. /s

Why be so judgmental of someone trying to be nice?

NP. Why can’t she just ask what she’s been up to, like a normal person? I agree that it’s odd to bring up multiple things “you saw she had been doing” from fb posts.

There is more than one way to start a conversation.

[Anonymous]

She's not sharing that stuff for you. It feels like she is because you can see it on Facebook, but she's sharing it with her friends. When you ask about it, it feels like if you saw her hanging out at a club through the window of your car while driving buy, and then bring it up with her later "oh I saw you at that bar last week, who were those people you were with?" You didn't do anything wrong in looking at the photo she posted (she could have just not posted it) but she didn't post it with you in mind and feels weird discussing her comings and going's with someone who was not at all involved in them.

I know this seems weird. It is! I quit Facebook for a host of reasons but this weirdness around what is public and what is private is part of the reason why. Facebook makes it very easy to feel like you are closer to someone than you actually are, if they post a lot and you therefore know a lot about their lives. I don't get why people post about their lives in this way on Facebook, like they are celebrities updating people on their activities, but then only want certain people to talk to them about it. I think it's obnoxious. But it IS how people behave on there, so it's best to just leave it alone.

I would change your Facebook settings so you see fewer posts from your DIL and pay less attention to what she posts. It's obviously not her intent to engage you with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

Yes, God forbid this woman try to connect with her child's partner. /s

Why be so judgmental of someone trying to be nice?

NP. Why can’t she just ask what she’s been up to, like a normal person? I agree that it’s odd to bring up multiple things “you saw she had been doing” from fb posts.

There is more than one way to start a conversation.

This is reminiscent of the person from that recent thread who thought that anything you’re able to dig up online about someone is a totally normal thing to bring up in conversation.

[Anonymous]

You’re fine, OP, except she doesn’t like that you follow her thread for whatever reason. Maybe she feels inhibited because she might normally post funny memes about dildos or celebrity crushes and now can’t. Or maybe she just wishes it was a zone of personal privacy or whatever. It may not be about you specifically at all. So I would make sure my conversation with her does not include reference to any thing on FB. When you’re talking to her, keep away from FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like that you follow her but doesn’t have the balls to block you.

This. She isn't "embarrassed" to be posting on FB, as there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Trying to start awkwardly start conversations in person about someone's feed, though....

Yes, God forbid this woman try to connect with her child's partner. /s

Why be so judgmental of someone trying to be nice?

NP. Why can’t she just ask what she’s been up to, like a normal person? I agree that it’s odd to bring up multiple things “you saw she had been doing” from fb posts.

There is more than one way to start a conversation.

There’s also more than one way to be creepy and annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP is creepy?? What an odd reaction. Gosh, I hope my kids marry someone who is easy-going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not sharing that stuff for you. It feels like she is because you can see it on Facebook, but she's sharing it with her friends. When you ask about it, it feels like if you saw her hanging out at a club through the window of your car while driving buy, and then bring it up with her later "oh I saw you at that bar last week, who were those people you were with?" You didn't do anything wrong in looking at the photo she posted (she could have just not posted it) but she didn't post it with you in mind and feels weird discussing her comings and going's with someone who was not at all involved in them.

I know this seems weird. It is! I quit Facebook for a host of reasons but this weirdness around what is public and what is private is part of the reason why. Facebook makes it very easy to feel like you are closer to someone than you actually are, if they post a lot and you therefore know a lot about their lives. I don't get why people post about their lives in this way on Facebook, like they are celebrities updating people on their activities, but then only want certain people to talk to them about it. I think it's obnoxious. But it IS how people behave on there, so it's best to just leave it alone.

I would change your Facebook settings so you see fewer posts from your DIL and pay less attention to what she posts. It's obviously not her intent to engage you with it.

I deleted Facebook too. I felt uncomfortable knowing stuff from people's FB, then not knowing whether to bring it up or not. It's so much better without it, I learn things from people in person, or by email/text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is creepy?? What an odd reaction. Gosh, I hope my kids marry someone who is easy-going.

Gosh, I hope to be the kind of MIL who doesn’t keep persisting in one direction of conversation if it doesn’t seem to be well-received. I hope that if I appear to offend, annoy, upset or make anyone uncomfortable, that I will switch lanes. It’s called reading the room.

[Anonymous]

This thread should be in Family Relationships, not Adult Children, because she is not your child.

[Anonymous]

Boomers have taken over Facebook which is part of the cringe. Facebook started when I was in college and I still post because many of my friends are still on but it’s definitely cringey when my boomer parents or in laws mention something from it….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomers have taken over Facebook which is part of the cringe. Facebook started when I was in college and I still post because many of my friends are still on but it’s definitely cringey when my boomer parents or in laws mention something from it….

Exactly this. When Facebook started, it was a university platform where you literally had to have a .edu email to join. I get that it’s changed, but Generation X/Elder Millennials/Millennials are really the generations that the platform was actually designed for. So having the olds on there is very cringe-inducing, since most of what they do is spy on relatives, spread misinformation and post absurd memes anyway. Smiley face emoji.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just ask her what’s new, how she is, and listen to what she’s willing to share with you. She likely accepted your Friend request to be polite, but doesn’t see you as a peer, and doesn’t love that you are not only reading her posts, but….keeping track of them.

Just ask how she is and see what she wants to share with you, personally. Revealing that you read her every post and remember them is a little much.

+1
You said you did it a “few times”. Why keep asking if she visibly cringes?

Can you answer this question, OP? It’s very basic manners to not continue behaving in a way you know makes someone uncomfortable. Other posters have explained the reasons why your DIL dislikes this particular line of questioning.

[Anonymous]

Also possible that she isn’t posting but friends are and tagging her. I rarely accept tags so they don’t show on my profile page but I think they still show in peoples feed. I don’t like being tagged.