If my teenager gets a job during his time with Dad . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

I’m sorry is dad a parent or a prison warden? Plenty of kids have activities (including jobs) during time with their non-custodial parents. College applications that say “sorry I couldn’t do any extra curricular because my parents got divorced” are pretty thin on the ground.

No, generally they don’t when it’s one visit a week. Stop making excuses. If you don’t want dad to visit just say so. Stop with the games to prevent visits. Dad has no say and if he says yes or no he’ll be the bad guy.

Wow Dad is awfully fragile. He’s afraid to say no to his own kid?

Or Dad can just be a good parent and he can re-work *his* schedule to see that kid. He can drive him to work or take him to dinner after one of his activities. He doesn’t have to hamper the kids future just because he couldn’t stay married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

Kid asked me if they could get a job. I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no. But I didn't say yes. Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift. He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people! Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".

So, you did not think this through and said Kinsey’s to work weekends so you said yes. If not, you would have said Saturday only. What is dad supposed to do when you already have permission to work on Sunday. If he says no, he is the dad guy saying no. If he says yes, he does not want to see his kid. If the kid is this busy he can work summers but not during the school year. You did say yes by saying they can work weekends.

Where is the drama. You said yes, dad said yes. Don’t complain when dad is not involved as you choose this. Why does the kid need the money?

Wait, why again can't the dad say no? Dad is an adequate parent, right? So say no. That's what parents do. It's fine to be the "bad guy". That's part of the work of parenting and the dad should not shirk it or try to make the mom do it for him.

To me, this is as simple as the dad said yes so the answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

If the dad was brave enough to say no to his child, and motivated enough to plan something of interest for his day, then maybe the child would want to spend time with him instead of getting a job.

Children don't like their parents to be pushovers. Grow some balls, summon up your courage and say no to a child, and things will go a lot better.

[Anonymous]

OP since your main concern is court, I would definitely go to email route with something like..Hey Fred, Johnny told me you gave him the green light to get a job on Sundays. Just confirming, thanks. And leave it at that. Don’t make a big deal of it in the email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the dad was brave enough to say no to his child, and motivated enough to plan something of interest for his day, then maybe the child would want to spend time with him instead of getting a job.

Children don't like their parents to be pushovers. Grow some balls, summon up your courage and say no to a child, and things will go a lot better.

Its not Dad's job to say no, mom has custody and she agreed to the job. Mom needs to get some balls and say no to her child. Dad has no say on daily issues. Be real. Maybe mom should use the child support money on the child so child doesn't have to work during the school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

Kid asked me if they could get a job. I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no. But I didn't say yes. Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift. He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people! Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".

So, you did not think this through and said Kinsey’s to work weekends so you said yes. If not, you would have said Saturday only. What is dad supposed to do when you already have permission to work on Sunday. If he says no, he is the dad guy saying no. If he says yes, he does not want to see his kid. If the kid is this busy he can work summers but not during the school year. You did say yes by saying they can work weekends.

Where is the drama. You said yes, dad said yes. Don’t complain when dad is not involved as you choose this. Why does the kid need the money?

Wait, why again can't the dad say no? Dad is an adequate parent, right? So say no. That's what parents do. It's fine to be the "bad guy". That's part of the work of parenting and the dad should not shirk it or try to make the mom do it for him.

To me, this is as simple as the dad said yes so the answer is yes.

Mom is setting Dad up to be the bad guy with saying no. She has custody, she said yes, so there is nothing Dad can do, including saying no. Mom never should have agreed to this. Funny how every visitation issue that is raised here, mom doesn't support visitation and dad is always made out to look like the bad parent. If Dad says no, he's not supportive. If dad says yes, he doesn't want to see his kid. Kid is heavily scheduled all week so there is no other visitation time but this time and Mom is taking that away too. But, win for her, kid works to pay for his needs and she gets child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

I’m sorry is dad a parent or a prison warden? Plenty of kids have activities (including jobs) during time with their non-custodial parents. College applications that say “sorry I couldn’t do any extra curricular because my parents got divorced” are pretty thin on the ground.

No, generally they don’t when it’s one visit a week. Stop making excuses. If you don’t want dad to visit just say so. Stop with the games to prevent visits. Dad has no say and if he says yes or no he’ll be the bad guy.

Wow Dad is awfully fragile. He’s afraid to say no to his own kid?

Or Dad can just be a good parent and he can re-work *his* schedule to see that kid. He can drive him to work or take him to dinner after one of his activities. He doesn’t have to hamper the kids future just because he couldn’t stay married.

When is there time if kid is working, activities, homework, etc. Driving isn't spending time together. And, mom will use homework as the excuse after activities. Be real. Dad is in no position to say no, married or divorced as Mom said yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

Kid asked me if they could get a job. I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no. But I didn't say yes. Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift. He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people! Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".

So, you did not think this through and said Kinsey’s to work weekends so you said yes. If not, you would have said Saturday only. What is dad supposed to do when you already have permission to work on Sunday. If he says no, he is the dad guy saying no. If he says yes, he does not want to see his kid. If the kid is this busy he can work summers but not during the school year. You did say yes by saying they can work weekends.

Where is the drama. You said yes, dad said yes. Don’t complain when dad is not involved as you choose this. Why does the kid need the money?

Wait, why again can't the dad say no? Dad is an adequate parent, right? So say no. That's what parents do. It's fine to be the "bad guy". That's part of the work of parenting and the dad should not shirk it or try to make the mom do it for him.

To me, this is as simple as the dad said yes so the answer is yes.

Mom is setting Dad up to be the bad guy with saying no. She has custody, she said yes, so there is nothing Dad can do, including saying no. Mom never should have agreed to this. Funny how every visitation issue that is raised here, mom doesn't support visitation and dad is always made out to look like the bad parent. If Dad says no, he's not supportive. If dad says yes, he doesn't want to see his kid. Kid is heavily scheduled all week so there is no other visitation time but this time and Mom is taking that away too. But, win for her, kid works to pay for his needs and she gets child support.

Reading is fundamental. Mom did not say no or yes. But the dad did say yes. On the dad's time, the dad decides. Otherwise you MRAs will get snippy at the mom for trying to control the dad.

How much time do you think teenagers in intact families spend with their parents? Not that much, and a lot of it is while being driven places. In a divorce you should expect to get even less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

I’m sorry is dad a parent or a prison warden? Plenty of kids have activities (including jobs) during time with their non-custodial parents. College applications that say “sorry I couldn’t do any extra curricular because my parents got divorced” are pretty thin on the ground.

No, generally they don’t when it’s one visit a week. Stop making excuses. If you don’t want dad to visit just say so. Stop with the games to prevent visits. Dad has no say and if he says yes or no he’ll be the bad guy.

Wow Dad is awfully fragile. He’s afraid to say no to his own kid?

Or Dad can just be a good parent and he can re-work *his* schedule to see that kid. He can drive him to work or take him to dinner after one of his activities. He doesn’t have to hamper the kids future just because he couldn’t stay married.

When is there time if kid is working, activities, homework, etc. Driving isn't spending time together. And, mom will use homework as the excuse after activities. Be real. Dad is in no position to say no, married or divorced as Mom said yes.

Sure he’s in a position to say no. He was asked his permission and said yes— that was the magical time to use his words and say “no” if he didn’t agree. Your argument is just misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the dad was brave enough to say no to his child, and motivated enough to plan something of interest for his day, then maybe the child would want to spend time with him instead of getting a job.

Children don't like their parents to be pushovers. Grow some balls, summon up your courage and say no to a child, and things will go a lot better.

Its not Dad's job to say no, mom has custody and she agreed to the job. Mom needs to get some balls and say no to her child. Dad has no say on daily issues. Be real. Maybe mom should use the child support money on the child so child doesn't have to work during the school year.

You might be on to something provided Dad is agreeing to fully fund college, buy his child a car and pay for the monthly insurance costs, none of which are included in the child support calculus. He could certainly offer to increase his contribution to offset what the kid could otherwise make at the part time job. Otherwise sounds like the kid will need a job as so many children in divorced families do since they get screwed on financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody will hire your kid for one day a week anyway.

He has an interview for a place looking for someone for Sundays.

Then tell him to decline the interview and look for a place that needs him Saturdays.

HAHAHAHA. Absolutely not. NP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get into the middle of this if they have worked it out between them?

Because I can imagine it coming up in court if my kid hasn't been to his court ordered visitation in months, and I want to protect myself and my kid from claims of parental alienation?

Get him to confirm by email that he’s okay with your son getting a job that may require shifts on your ex’s visitation time.

This. Even better if dad is the one transporting the kid to work, or the kid is leaving from dad's house to go to work.

Dad doesn't have custody. He has visitation. Mom should transport if she's not allowing the visits to happen.

Where are you getting that I am not allowing it? He asked his Dad. He didn’t ask me.

But it’s a non issue because the job is walking distance from my house and starts pretty early in the a.m..

I you decided it was fine already, why are you asking here? Kid works and no more visits. Done. Don’t come back complaining dad is not involved. Don’t complain when dad will not give extra money as kid is working and can pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could, I don’t know, also change the visitation day(s).

Thing about teens old enough to drive/have a car is they generally get more say and agency anyway. You can’t force them to hang with a parent.

The kid, you know, already has things scheduled on Saturdays, including sports near mom’s that dad insisted he sign up for.

Your reading comprehension is terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Liar.

Lair? What does that mean? Mom told the kid to get a job. Dad cannot override mom.