If my teenager gets a job during his time with Dad . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

Mom needs to tell the child no. She has primary custody and he has one visit a week. If Dad says no to the job, he's not supportive, etc. If he says yes, he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his son. He cannot win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

I’m sorry is dad a parent or a prison warden? Plenty of kids have activities (including jobs) during time with their non-custodial parents. College applications that say “sorry I couldn’t do any extra curricular because my parents got divorced” are pretty thin on the ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

Mom needs to tell the child no. She has primary custody and he has one visit a week. If Dad says no to the job, he's not supportive, etc. If he says yes, he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his son. He cannot win.

But the dad already said yes! So she should know that it's a fake yes, and play her part in this fiction by saying no so that the dad can be Fun Uncle and never have to actually parent his child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

Kid asked me if they could get a job. I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no. But I didn't say yes. Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift. He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people! Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".

[Anonymous]

You could, I don’t know, also change the visitation day(s).

Thing about teens old enough to drive/have a car is they generally get more say and agency anyway. You can’t force them to hang with a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

Mom needs to tell the child no. She has primary custody and he has one visit a week. If Dad says no to the job, he's not supportive, etc. If he says yes, he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his son. He cannot win.

But the dad already said yes! So she should know that it's a fake yes, and play her part in this fiction by saying no so that the dad can be Fun Uncle and never have to actually parent his child?

Can we not with the misandry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

Mom needs to tell the child no. She has primary custody and he has one visit a week. If Dad says no to the job, he's not supportive, etc. If he says yes, he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his son. He cannot win.

But the dad already said yes! So she should know that it's a fake yes, and play her part in this fiction by saying no so that the dad can be Fun Uncle and never have to actually parent his child?

Can we not with the misandry?

It’s not misandry, it’s calling out a dude for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

I’m sorry is dad a parent or a prison warden? Plenty of kids have activities (including jobs) during time with their non-custodial parents. College applications that say “sorry I couldn’t do any extra curricular because my parents got divorced” are pretty thin on the ground.

No, generally they don’t when it’s one visit a week. Stop making excuses. If you don’t want dad to visit just say so. Stop with the games to prevent visits. Dad has no say and if he says yes or no he’ll be the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

Saying no is a parent's job. It's a normal thing to do if you are actually parenting! It's the dad's time so it's the dad's decision, and it's the dad's burden to say no to whatever is unacceptable on his time. Not the mom's problem to deal with the fallout.

Mom needs to tell the child no. She has primary custody and he has one visit a week. If Dad says no to the job, he's not supportive, etc. If he says yes, he's a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his son. He cannot win.

But the dad already said yes! So she should know that it's a fake yes, and play her part in this fiction by saying no so that the dad can be Fun Uncle and never have to actually parent his child?

Can we not with the misandry?

It’s not misandry, it’s calling out a dude for bad behavior.

Either way dad loses and is called out for hi behavior. The visit should not be interfered with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could, I don’t know, also change the visitation day(s).

Thing about teens old enough to drive/have a car is they generally get more say and agency anyway. You can’t force them to hang with a parent.

Mom said between school, activities and work there is no other time to do the visit. Mom overs scheduled the kid so there would be no visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

You told him kid was getting a job. If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it. He had no choice but to agree. What do you want him to do? If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son. If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting.

No I didn't. You are simply making up facts.

Child went out to look for a job with your permission. Child found a job that was during Dad's time. You said fine. What do you want. You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time. Simple.

Kid asked me if they could get a job. I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no. But I didn't say yes. Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift. He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people! Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".

So, you did not think this through and said Kinsey’s to work weekends so you said yes. If not, you would have said Saturday only. What is dad supposed to do when you already have permission to work on Sunday. If he says no, he is the dad guy saying no. If he says yes, he does not want to see his kid. If the kid is this busy he can work summers but not during the school year. You did say yes by saying they can work weekends.

Where is the drama. You said yes, dad said yes. Don’t complain when dad is not involved as you choose this. Why does the kid need the money?