If my teenager gets a job during his time with Dad . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get into the middle of this if they have worked it out between them?

Because I can imagine it coming up in court if my kid hasn't been to his court ordered visitation in months, and I want to protect myself and my kid from claims of parental alienation?

Get him to confirm by email that he’s okay with your son getting a job that may require shifts on your ex’s visitation time.

This. Even better if dad is the one transporting the kid to work, or the kid is leaving from dad's house to go to work.

Dad doesn't have custody. He has visitation. Mom should transport if she's not allowing the visits to happen.

Where are you getting that I am not allowing it? He asked his Dad. He didn’t ask me.

But it’s a non issue because the job is walking distance from my house and starts pretty early in the a.m..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? It’s between them. If you want to ask your ex how he feels about it, you could do that. Is he sacrificing his time so your son is able to work? If so, so you want to share that sacrifice and give your ex a little more time with your son? Check with your son about how he feels giving up some of his dad time for a job. Otherwise, I’d stay out of it.

That's not fair to the ex because Mom is saying go ahead and take the job and Dad has visitation, not even parenting time or an option on his son's life. You are putting Dad in a bad situation as he becomes the bad guy saying no and if child does it anyway, what recourse is there because mom is allowing it and child lives with mom. If you want to stop the relationship be honest and don't play games. But, if kid is working, he can support himself so Dad shouldn't pay child support.

Or, you be decent and talk to dad and see if visit can be switched to saturdays.

The dad already said he was fine with their son getting a job where he would have to work Sundays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get into the middle of this if they have worked it out between them?

Because I can imagine it coming up in court if my kid hasn't been to his court ordered visitation in months, and I want to protect myself and my kid from claims of parental alienation?

Get him to confirm by email that he’s okay with your son getting a job that may require shifts on your ex’s visitation time.

This. Even better if dad is the one transporting the kid to work, or the kid is leaving from dad's house to go to work.

Dad doesn't have custody. He has visitation. Mom should transport if she's not allowing the visits to happen.

Where are you getting that I am not allowing it? He asked his Dad. He didn’t ask me.

But it’s a non issue because the job is walking distance from my house and starts pretty early in the a.m..

I you decided it was fine already, why are you asking here? Kid works and no more visits. Done. Don’t come back complaining dad is not involved. Don’t complain when dad will not give extra money as kid is working and can pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you get into the middle of this if they have worked it out between them?

Because I can imagine it coming up in court if my kid hasn't been to his court ordered visitation in months, and I want to protect myself and my kid from claims of parental alienation?

Get him to confirm by email that he’s okay with your son getting a job that may require shifts on your ex’s visitation time.

This. Even better if dad is the one transporting the kid to work, or the kid is leaving from dad's house to go to work.

Dad doesn't have custody. He has visitation. Mom should transport if she's not allowing the visits to happen.

Where are you getting that I am not allowing it? He asked his Dad. He didn’t ask me.

But it’s a non issue because the job is walking distance from my house and starts pretty early in the a.m..

I you decided it was fine already, why are you asking here? Kid works and no more visits. Done. Don’t come back complaining dad is not involved. Don’t complain when dad will not give extra money as kid is working and can pay.

Can you read? Dad said it was fine.

Op, leave it between them.

[Anonymous]

Did Dad really say it was fine? Or was it an I can't stop you if you decide that is what you want to do type of conversation

Did you hear that from dad that he is fine, as in actually okay, with no visitation?

Can dad have some custody time during the week or on Saturdays instead if he is trying to preserver his relationship with his son by not saying an outright no - you can't work on my time - which will lead to a resentful teen.

[Anonymous]

So Dad now sees him on Saturdays. Or, Dad picks kid up from job, because it’s Dad’s day. I’m not really sympathetic to fathers that only see their kids once a week. Let Dad figure out how to make more time to see his kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So Dad now sees him on Saturdays. Or, Dad picks kid up from job, because it’s Dad’s day. I’m not really sympathetic to fathers that only see their kids once a week. Let Dad figure out how to make more time to see his kid.

Maybe that is all he could get. Now he has no days a week. Guess you prefer that. I feel for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did Dad really say it was fine? Or was it an I can't stop you if you decide that is what you want to do type of conversation

Did you hear that from dad that he is fine, as in actually okay, with no visitation?

Can dad have some custody time during the week or on Saturdays instead if he is trying to preserver his relationship with his son by not saying an outright no - you can't work on my time - which will lead to a resentful teen.

Op is not offering extra time.

[Anonymous]

You give him another day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

Why does she have to do that if dad hasn't asked for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the heck? It’s between them. If you want to ask your ex how he feels about it, you could do that. Is he sacrificing his time so your son is able to work? If so, so you want to share that sacrifice and give your ex a little more time with your son? Check with your son about how he feels giving up some of his dad time for a job. Otherwise, I’d stay out of it.

That's not fair to the ex because Mom is saying go ahead and take the job and Dad has visitation, not even parenting time or an option on his son's life. You are putting Dad in a bad situation as he becomes the bad guy saying no and if child does it anyway, what recourse is there because mom is allowing it and child lives with mom. If you want to stop the relationship be honest and don't play games. But, if kid is working, he can support himself so Dad shouldn't pay child support.

Or, you be decent and talk to dad and see if visit can be switched to saturdays.

Saying no and being the bad guy is part of being a parent FFS. Oh noes, a "bad position". God forbid that a parent have to tell their child no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give him another day

It's not that simple. He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday. But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house.

Then if child is that busy why does he need to work during the school year? Seeing a competition is not spending time together. You need to find the time since you took it away.