Reply to If my teenager gets a job during his time with Dad . . .

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You give him another day [/quote]

It's not that simple.  He's got commitments on other days, things his Dad agreed to, and sports Dad insisted he sign up for.

At this point, I give him time one evening a week that isn't in the custody agreement, and he's invited to any athletic competition on Saturday.  But I can't magically make another day appear for DS to hang out at his house. [/quote]

OP do you feel you need to make this decision for your ex? He complains he has limited visitation time but OK's DS getting a job on his visitation days. Obviously flawed logic. If you have an email where he has given this the green light what's the problem? When he makes noises about the issue, refer him to the email.

Or am I missing something?[/quote]

I worry how this looks in court, and we just have a temporary order so we'll definitely be back in court.

I also find it frustrating, that he asked for more time, I rearranged our schedules to give him more time, and then he gave away the time he had.  [/quote]

You told him kid was getting a job.  If you cared about dads time you would have never agreed to it.  He had no choice but to agree.  What do you want him to do?   If he says no, he’s bad for not supporting son.  If he says yes, you complain about him not visiting. [/quote]

No I didn't.  You are simply making up facts.[/quote]

Child went out to look for a job with your permission.  Child found a job that was during Dad's time.  You said fine.  What do you want.  You should have told child no working or plans during Dad's visit time.  Simple.[/quote]

Kid asked me if they could get a job.  I told them they couldn't work during the week, because between sports practice, visitation, a few other commitments, and homework they don't have time, and that I didn't think they'd be able to find a weekend job that accommodated athletic competitions, church (they go with Dad), and visitation.

So, I didn't exactly say no.  But I didn't say yes.  Kid did some research, and found a place willing to interview him for a Sunday only shift.  He asked Dad before he told me, and Dad said "Sure! I think work is an excellent thing for young people!  Go for it."

So, no he didn't go out to look "with my permission" and I didn't say "fine".  [/quote]

So, you did not think this through and said Kinsey’s to work weekends so you said yes.   If not, you would have said Saturday only.  What is dad supposed to do when you already have permission to work on Sunday.  If he says no, he is the dad guy saying no.  If he says yes, he does not want to see his kid.   If the kid is this busy he can work summers but not during the school year.  You did say yes by saying they can work weekends.

Where is the drama.  You said yes, dad said yes.  Don’t complain when dad is not involved as you choose this.  Why does the kid need the money?  [/quote]

Wait, why again can't the dad say no?  Dad is an adequate parent, right?  So say no.  That's what parents do.  It's fine to be the "bad guy".  That's part of the work of parenting and the dad should not shirk it or try to make the mom do it for him.

To me, this is as simple as the dad said yes so the answer is yes.[/quote]

Mom is setting Dad up to be the bad guy with saying no.  She has custody, she said yes, so there is nothing Dad can do, including saying no.  Mom never should have agreed to this.  Funny how every visitation issue that is raised here, mom doesn't support visitation and dad is always made out to look like the bad parent.  If Dad says no, he's not supportive.  If dad says yes, he doesn't want to see his kid.  Kid is heavily scheduled all week so there is no other visitation time but this time and Mom is taking that away too.  But, win for her, kid works to pay for his needs and she gets child support.[/quote]

Reading is fundamental.  Mom did not say no or yes.  But the dad did say yes.  On the dad's time, the dad decides.  Otherwise you MRAs will get snippy at the mom for trying to control the dad.

How much time do you think teenagers in intact families spend with their parents?  Not that much, and a lot of it is while being driven places.  In a divorce you should expect to get even less.  [/quote]

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