If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

[Anonymous]

I’d be documenting. His behavior is unacceptable and the court needs to be aware. Sorry this happened to you. Sadly it’s not unusual in my experience. Sounds like he has no business “dropping in” like that. If you think it may happens again get a blink camera or something that can record it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So dad showed up unexpectedly where you are living and did some d**k thing to upset his son? Was it directed at you and your son for mad about it or was it directed at him personally? I’d have him send dad an email to document. “Dad yesterday you did this and upset me and makes it hard to have a good relationship with you.” When the hearing comes ask the court to specify that the dad can’t just drop over unannounced and pick up and drop off has to be a neutral place. You now have evidence.

I had a friend whose DH would come to her house for pickups but then started coming in, helping himself to drinks, even when she wasn’t there. She has to shut that down fast. Boundaries!

He came to my house, forced his way in, and screamed at me and physically intimidated me, but did not actually hurt me.

We already have an order that either I do all drop offs and pickups, or the kids transport themselves. They are old enough to ride bikes between our homes.

And, you have a police report?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

Yes, you do. You should be encouraging him to build a healthy relationship with his father, to the extent possible. Also, you weren't there during the incident and shouldn't be so quick to demonize your ex. That doesn't help your son as much as you think it does. Ands the court will not look kindly on the perception you might be contributing to any alienation.

I was there. The incident happened when he came to my house without permission.

A healthy relationship with a parent includes boundaries. My kid frequently goes for a run or to a friend's house when he's at my house. And, I wouldn't want his Dad to get involved with what happens at my house.

This is why your kid behaves like he does. You both need to parent together. Both of you need to be equally involved in everything.

My kid behaves fine. A teenager handling his anger by going for a run as opposed to screaming at people, or doing something self destructive, is doing a good job.

The court has made it clear they don’t think we should be equally involved with everything. I have sole physical custody for a reason.

Sounds like you are in denial and you and the kid both need therapy. You need to work with your ex. This kid is a hot mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So dad showed up unexpectedly where you are living and did some d**k thing to upset his son? Was it directed at you and your son for mad about it or was it directed at him personally? I’d have him send dad an email to document. “Dad yesterday you did this and upset me and makes it hard to have a good relationship with you.” When the hearing comes ask the court to specify that the dad can’t just drop over unannounced and pick up and drop off has to be a neutral place. You now have evidence.

I had a friend whose DH would come to her house for pickups but then started coming in, helping himself to drinks, even when she wasn’t there. She has to shut that down fast. Boundaries!

He came to my house, forced his way in, and screamed at me and physically intimidated me, but did not actually hurt me.

We already have an order that either I do all drop offs and pickups, or the kids transport themselves. They are old enough to ride bikes between our homes.

And, you have a police report?

No, because screaming at the mother of your children in front of them is, in fact, not illegal. I can be angry about someone's behavior, and my kids can be angry, even when it's not illegal.

One of my kids called their uncle who was close by and came quickly. When he arrived, things deescalated.

[Anonymous]

“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

Probably nothing but as a parent you need to have serious consequences for that behavior. It’s not ok he takes off without permission. Sounds like you are encouraging it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

If you close enough for him to bike between your 2 home than what's stopping him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

If you close enough for him to bike between your 2 home than what's stopping him?

He knows that if he left and came to my house, then it wouldn't be visitation.

But most of the time, their Dad takes them to their aunt's house for visitation, and I drop and pick up there. That isn't biking distance, or at least it would be a long bike ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

If you close enough for him to bike between your 2 home than what's stopping him?

He knows that if he left and came to my house, then it wouldn't be visitation.

But most of the time, their Dad takes them to their aunt's house for visitation, and I drop and pick up there. That isn't biking distance, or at least it would be a long bike ride.

And, what is the consequence for this behavior? You sound like you encourage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Forcing his way in “ sounds like the police would care. You really need cameras going forward.

I do need cameras. My point is that my kid has reason to be angry, and not because I told him something, because he saw something. Frankly “I need space, I want to go for a run to cool off” is a pretty reasonable thing for a kid to say even if they are angry because of ridiculous teen angst.

It feels like you are changing the narrative here. At first you talk about him leaving but would stay if you told him to stay. Now it’s going for a run - which I agree is fantastic that your kid recognizes that this is a way to deescalate and that he uses it. I think the answer could be very different depending on the question you are posing and the question is not clear.

I asked what happened if he went on visitation, walked out and returned at the time he knew I was picking up. I don't know that it matters what he does during that time. Someone else posted about running, and that's a likely possibility, but he also bikes. Or he might wander around. He knows he couldn't go home, and I don't think he'd go to a friend but he might.

I wrote walk, because I didn't want to imply it's a situation where he's bolting in the heat of the moment.

If you close enough for him to bike between your 2 home than what's stopping him?

He knows that if he left and came to my house, then it wouldn't be visitation.

But most of the time, their Dad takes them to their aunt's house for visitation, and I drop and pick up there. That isn't biking distance, or at least it would be a long bike ride.

And, what is the consequence for this behavior? You sound like you encourage it.

For what behavior the behavior I said he doesn't do?

[Anonymous]

People here are nuts. OP, you need to talk to your lawyer. I don’t know how these things play out in court, but it seems crazy to me that your kid’s father could come to your house and be verbally abusive and YOU’RE worried about pissing him off. Your kid has a right not to be verbally abused or be placed in a situation where he’s watching that happen to his mom with no recourse. But none of what anyone says here matters. If you think this could jeopardize your custody why ask here? Ask your lawyer.