If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People here are nuts. OP, you need to talk to your lawyer. I don’t know how these things play out in court, but it seems crazy to me that your kid’s father could come to your house and be verbally abusive and YOU’RE worried about pissing him off. Your kid has a right not to be verbally abused or be placed in a situation where he’s watching that happen to his mom with no recourse. But none of what anyone says here matters. If you think this could jeopardize your custody why ask here? Ask your lawyer.

But OP better get her story straight and stick to it. Many posters here have seen through the changing versions of her story and not-so-subtle ways she is thinking of curtailing father's visitation. (Like asking if it's OK for the son to leave the house for a "run" - maybe for hours - just to get out of spending time with his father.) No judge is going to buy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People here are nuts. OP, you need to talk to your lawyer. I don’t know how these things play out in court, but it seems crazy to me that your kid’s father could come to your house and be verbally abusive and YOU’RE worried about pissing him off. Your kid has a right not to be verbally abused or be placed in a situation where he’s watching that happen to his mom with no recourse. But none of what anyone says here matters. If you think this could jeopardize your custody why ask here? Ask your lawyer.

But OP better get her story straight and stick to it. Many posters here have seen through the changing versions of her story and not-so-subtle ways she is thinking of curtailing father's visitation. (Like asking if it's OK for the son to leave the house for a "run" - maybe for hours - just to get out of spending time with his father.) No judge is going to buy that.

I am sorry, where is it you are claiming the story changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

[Anonymous]

A teenager's opinion should be taken into consideration by the court. Ask for a Guardian ad litem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A teenager's opinion should be taken into consideration by the court. Ask for a Guardian ad litem.

The courts really shouldn't have any authority at all over the kid in these cases but sadly that not how the land of the "free" works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A teenager's opinion should be taken into consideration by the court. Ask for a Guardian ad litem.

OP here,

I agree, I actually sent my attorney an email asking how to make that happen. Does anyone have experience with getting a GAL/BIA assigned for their kids? I suspect it makes sense to get that first, before we're in court for custody, as opposed to going to court for custody, and then having the process stop while we're in the middle of it.

[Anonymous]

For your child’s sake you need to stop being a friend and be a parent. And, stop letting your anger to your ex impact their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

Again with the story changing. Get it straight because you are not coming off as logical - at all. Judge will see right through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

Again with the story changing. Get it straight because you are not coming off as logical - at all. Judge will see right through this.

I'm not changing my story. Someone (you?) asked why he doesn't run home or ride his bike home from visitation. I clarified that his Dad was planning (we are at this point talking about a visit that's past, hence the past tense) to take the kids to his sister's which isn't running/biking distance. You said that somehow that makes me a control freak. Can you explain how letting their father take them where he wants to take them is controlling, plus how it's changing my story to answer a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What your teen wants should be taken into account. As long as you are not yelling the teen bad things about his father, tgats important. Judges don’t want to hear that.

In the greater DC area, at least, a judge will ask your teen what their wishes are. They can order therapeutic visitation. I think our judge called it supported parenting time. After two therapists said my older DD was being done more harm than good by spending time with my ex, the judge dropped it. Ours was an extreme situation with abuse and neglect by my ex, who also had diagnosed by untreated mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

Again with the story changing. Get it straight because you are not coming off as logical - at all. Judge will see right through this.

I'm not changing my story. Someone (you?) asked why he doesn't run home or ride his bike home from visitation. I clarified that his Dad was planning (we are at this point talking about a visit that's past, hence the past tense) to take the kids to his sister's which isn't running/biking distance. You said that somehow that makes me a control freak. Can you explain how letting their father take them where he wants to take them is controlling, plus how it's changing my story to answer a question?

Dad gets limited time and wants to visit his sister. Why does he need to bike or run on Dad's time? He can do it on your time. That's good his sister is at the visit so she can testify that the visit went well. Your kid sounds like a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

Yoru priority is not your son seeing family but encouraging him to leave the visit and how you can legally do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the parent with the kid is in charge of the kid, especially when the child is 14.

What does he think would happen if he asked his father about going for a run, or told his father casually that he was thinking of doing a run that afternoon? Would his dad say "no?" Why?

It is starting to sound like this is more about wanting to make a statement then about taking some time away to keep things chill. If that's the case, and if a parent has custody for a given timeframe, then that parent has primary decision-making over how time is spent (obviously, if it's something immediately unsafe, different issues kick in -- like, I don't know, dad playing Russian roulette with a gun). You need to be clear about that. He doesn't have to fake enjoying it, but he is expected to be at least minimally polite and defer to the adult in charge at that age.

I think if he told his Dad he wanted to go for a run, Dad would come (which he doesn’t want) or tell him no, or document it as my failure to provide him with his allotted parenting time.

And yes, he wants to make a point.

Dad has every right to say no.

What kind of father forbids his son from engaging in healthy exercise? Oh right, a narcissistic control freak.

It sounds like dad gets a few hours. He can exercise on moms time. None of this makes sense as they go to aunts house who supervises and will be a witness to the visits. Mom is the control freak blocking dads relationship.

I'm confused how me taking my kids to the location their Dad chooses is me being a control freak and blocking their relationship. If Dad wants his kids to see their cousins, and so chooses that as the location for visitation, wouldn't the control freak thing be if I said "no"?

Again with the story changing. Get it straight because you are not coming off as logical - at all. Judge will see right through this.

I'm not changing my story. Someone (you?) asked why he doesn't run home or ride his bike home from visitation. I clarified that his Dad was planning (we are at this point talking about a visit that's past, hence the past tense) to take the kids to his sister's which isn't running/biking distance. You said that somehow that makes me a control freak. Can you explain how letting their father take them where he wants to take them is controlling, plus how it's changing my story to answer a question?

Dad gets limited time and wants to visit his sister. Why does he need to bike or run on Dad's time? He can do it on your time. That's good his sister is at the visit so she can testify that the visit went well. Your kid sounds like a spoiled brat.

Possibley to avoid spending time with someone that he doesn't want to be around? and if thats the case then he has every right to do so with or without his dads permission.