If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

NP and do you have a temporary custody agreement or order? If so, then yes, you have to abide by it. I mean, why you would you think you didn't have to follow the agreement or order? If not, then no you don't have to honor the informal visitation schedule. In that case probably not a big deal if you're doing 50/50 but if the dad has a nominal amount of time like every other weekend it's not going to look good if you're not making a solid effort to facilitate that minimal amount of visitation.

I have a temporary order.

To be clear, I plan to bring him to visitation. I'm not planning on picking him up early. But I want to know what happens if I drop him off, and then he leaves. Is that my responsibility? Or his dad's responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For now yes, he has to stay for the whole time frame. Tell him to go for a run if he needs a break.

That's what I'm asking, what happens if he goes for a run. So, he's leaving his Dad's home. He would of course come back for me to pick him up.

[Anonymous]

How long is the visitation? If he's there for the weekend, of course he's not expected to stay in the house 24 hours a day, or to be within X feet of his father at all times.

[Anonymous]

He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

Yes, you do. You should be encouraging him to build a healthy relationship with his father, to the extent possible. Also, you weren't there during the incident and shouldn't be so quick to demonize your ex. That doesn't help your son as much as you think it does. Ands the court will not look kindly on the perception you might be contributing to any alienation.

I was there. The incident happened when he came to my house without permission.

A healthy relationship with a parent includes boundaries. My kid frequently goes for a run or to a friend's house when he's at my house. And, I wouldn't want his Dad to get involved with what happens at my house.

This is why your kid behaves like he does. You both need to parent together. Both of you need to be equally involved in everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

NP and do you have a temporary custody agreement or order? If so, then yes, you have to abide by it. I mean, why you would you think you didn't have to follow the agreement or order? If not, then no you don't have to honor the informal visitation schedule. In that case probably not a big deal if you're doing 50/50 but if the dad has a nominal amount of time like every other weekend it's not going to look good if you're not making a solid effort to facilitate that minimal amount of visitation.

I have a temporary order.

To be clear, I plan to bring him to visitation. I'm not planning on picking him up early. But I want to know what happens if I drop him off, and then he leaves. Is that my responsibility? Or his dad's responsibility.

Once you've brought him to visitation, you've done your part-you followed the order. What happens on Dad's time is Dad's responsibility. Keep good records i.e. 'on July 30th I dropped off Larlo at Dad's at 4 pm'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

Yes, you do. You should be encouraging him to build a healthy relationship with his father, to the extent possible. Also, you weren't there during the incident and shouldn't be so quick to demonize your ex. That doesn't help your son as much as you think it does. Ands the court will not look kindly on the perception you might be contributing to any alienation.

I was there. The incident happened when he came to my house without permission.

A healthy relationship with a parent includes boundaries. My kid frequently goes for a run or to a friend's house when he's at my house. And, I wouldn't want his Dad to get involved with what happens at my house.

This is why your kid behaves like he does. You both need to parent together. Both of you need to be equally involved in everything.

Your post doesn’t even make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

The court is going to expect you to follow and support the agreement. To me that means telling him they he needs to stay. You seem to be sending a message otherwise by letting him believe he doesn’t have to follow the custody schedule. If you don’t support it, it would be easy to argue that you aren’t complying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For now yes, he has to stay for the whole time frame. Tell him to go for a run if he needs a break.

That's what I'm asking, what happens if he goes for a run. So, he's leaving his Dad's home. He would of course come back for me to pick him up.

Nothing is going to happen if he goes for a run. He's on his dad's time, his dad needs to manage whatever comes up.

I'm not sure why you think something like going for a run would be a problem? Visitation doesn't mean locked in the house 24/7.

Again, though, his dad needs to deal with whatever goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

The court is going to expect you to follow and support the agreement. To me that means telling him they he needs to stay. You seem to be sending a message otherwise by letting him believe he doesn’t have to follow the custody schedule. If you don’t support it, it would be easy to argue that you aren’t complying.

You can’t force a kid to go with a parent unwillingly.

[Anonymous]

So, IANAL, but I don't think an accusation of alienation is going to stick over one fraught teen visit with a parent. I'd follow the visitation schedule and tell your teen that you hope they will be able to find a way to communicate and stay for the whole visit, and it's ok to take time out for a run, etc. If your kid doesn't have a therapist I would offer to help him find one to talk this through.

I think this is a hard space to be in. As long as the father wants to have a relationship I think you have a responsibility to facilitate that (absent abuse, addiction, etc.) but it's not your responsibility to make the other parent likeable to the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

At 14 you need to be a parent and support dad no matter how much you hate him. If you don’t want him as dad then be honest and don’t take child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

At 14 you need to be a parent and support dad no matter how much you hate him. If you don’t want him as dad then be honest and don’t take child support.

The beauty is, you are not entitled to have a good relationship with your kids even if you are supporting them; just ask any non-divorced families with difficult teenagers. If the kid doesn't want to do anything with their dad, it's not the mom's fault. Might not be the dad's fault either, but definitely the dad's problem to solve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. As long as you brought him to visitation and encouraged him to try and work it out with his dad and not cheering or egging him on to walk out, then it's not on you. You can only do but so much... At that age can you truly force a child? This is on his father to reach out, encourage him to stay and work it out. You shouldn't have to do that for your ex.

He’s not 17, that was another poster. He’s 14.

If I said “I need you to do this.” he’d listen to me. Especially if he thought it could influence custody.

The court is going to expect you to follow and support the agreement. To me that means telling him they he needs to stay. You seem to be sending a message otherwise by letting him believe he doesn’t have to follow the custody schedule. If you don’t support it, it would be easy to argue that you aren’t complying.

You can’t force a kid to go with a parent unwillingly.

Not just a kid, a teenager. I remember myself at that age, short of sending a police car to pick me up, I don't know what would make me do a forced visitation.