If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

Then exchange no visits for no child support. You want dad out of your child’s life and you want to be the sole parent, then be it. Your relationship is separate from child’s. You are completely meshed and it’s inappropriate. You are dragging the kids into it. You are telling him not to visit his dad and if he does to walk out. You both sound pretty messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom thinks of her DS as a real person and is trying to help him. Dad thinks of his son as a "right."

Then terminate his rights if he is so bad. Oh wait, mom really wants the money…….dad can be dad as a human atm but not to actually be a real dad. Op keeps switching her story. If he is so bad stop visits and don’t take his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

The answer to your question is yes, you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

He is almost an adult. You really can't force him to do things, nor should you insert yourself in their relationship.

The kid should be allowed to have a voice. He is not a pawn.

14 is not “almost an adult.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

OP here, my kids' Dad is far from perfect, but he's not going to sell his right to visit his own children, or fail to support his kids out of spite. The fact that you'd even suggest that is a sign you are a terrible person.

A lot of mean divorced men on here who hate mothers, and don't understand that child support is meant to support their own child. Truly terrible, bitter men.

The flip side is bitter and entitled women who seem to think the child support is for their benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom thinks of her DS as a real person and is trying to help him. Dad thinks of his son as a "right."

This! The kid is a property that mom is responsible for keeping in a tip top shape and making available on demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom thinks of her DS as a real person and is trying to help him. Dad thinks of his son as a "right."

Then terminate his rights if he is so bad. Oh wait, mom really wants the money…….dad can be dad as a human atm but not to actually be a real dad. Op keeps switching her story. If he is so bad stop visits and don’t take his money.

You are completely ignorant of reality. Bitter dad's club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

The answer to your question is yes, you do.

Yes, tell her son she doesn't care about his feelings. Neither does his dad. He is nothing more than a schedule.

Why would she do that? Being a mother means taking care of your child. No normal mother turns her back on her child and says, "Too bad, you have to go and on one cares how you feel about it, not even me." That's not parenting. At least it's not mothering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.

If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.

I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom thinks of her DS as a real person and is trying to help him. Dad thinks of his son as a "right."

This! The kid is a property that mom is responsible for keeping in a tip top shape and making available on demand.

You just pointed out one of the biggest issues with custody orders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.

If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.

I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.

What 14 year old behaves like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.

If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.

I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.

What 14 year old behaves like that?

Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.

If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.

I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.

What 14 year old behaves like that?

Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.

Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

Dad forces his way into my home, and screams at me in front of the kid, and the mess he made of his relationship with the kids is MY mess? How do you figure that? I'm not the one who dragged the kids into it.

DP. I am not blaming you for what his father did. It sounds really traumatic.

If your son wants this to be productive, especially if he wants visitation readdressed, then he can contact his father and express what he is feeling about the incident. Document that conversation. Bring it up with the judge. Just acting out is not going to make the point he wants to make, not really. But it can be made by being thoughtful and clear about what he wants and feels, and following up on that.

I would judge you for not encouraging him to handle this with care and thoughtfulness about what he wants, IF you failed to do that. You are his mother. Lead him.

What 14 year old behaves like that?

Especially to make a point about how he felt traumatized by how that person reacted last time they got mad.

Traumatized. This kid needs serious mental health treatment. Terminate these visits asap. Oh wait, you tried and judge said no.

He is in therapy, and no I have never asked the judge to terminate visitation, nor do I intend to. I asked for, and would like to keep custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son should see a therapist for coping skills. Look at DBT.
Have your son talk directly to the judge. See if he can do it in private.

My kid is in therapy. Choosing to take a break from someone who has traumatized you, and using healthy things like physical exercise to manage stress are coping skills.

They did talk to the judge last time. In MD, 16 is the age when the judge needs to take their wishes into account though.

Traumatized. How was that? Sounds like the judge thought visits were best. He can exercise on your time and not the few hours with dad, aunt and cousins.

It seems he is going on these runs to get away from his dad so doing it on his moms time would undermine the reason for doing it.

He runs pretty seriously, but the point in leaving would be to get away from and make a statement to his dad. Otherwise he’d go before or after.

He didn’t end up leaving, he ended up separating himself but not leaving the house.

He sounds like a spoiled brat. Call an emergency court hearing and stop visits. Or, offer no visits for no child support.

Dad sounds like someone who hasn't built a relationship with his son and is paying the price for it. As soon as son is 18, bye bye, visits to Dad!

Its pretty hard to have a relationship when the other parent is sabotaging you. At 18, say goodbye to child support and helping to pay for college. OP should be fine with no child support if Dad is that bad and it gets Dad out of their lives. Seems pretty simple to me.

It sounds like the split is recent so the father should have already had a solid relationship with his son.

They are separated. Now managing the relationship with his son is the father's job. He should not rely on the mother to manage it in any way. If the son is upset with the father, it's up to the father to sort it out. He should not rely on his ex wife to clean up his mess. His son, his relationship, his job.

It’s impossible with a mother like this. Dad cannot clean up her mess.

If you had a tantrum in front of your child, and your child got shaken by that, it's 100% your responsibility to discuss it with your child and sort it out. Mom didn't make dad blow up. If you must scream, do it where your child can't see you.