If your kid walked out of visitation, how would a judge see that?

[Anonymous]

This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.

Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.

I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.

What do people think?

[Anonymous]

So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

[Anonymous]

What your teen wants should be taken into account. As long as you are not yelling the teen bad things about his father, tgats important. Judges don’t want to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This week, my kids' dad did some things that really pissed my teenager off. Based on what happened, I think his anger is pretty understandable.

Teen has announced his intention to walk out of visitation tomorrow.

I currently have temporary physical custody, but our permanent custody hearing is approaching. I am worried that this will look badly in court. That I'll be accused of alienation (something that is not happening). I think if I tell him that doing so increases the chances that he has to see his dad more than he does now, he'll back down and make some other plan.

What do people think?

how old is the teenager? Does your teen have a therapist or someone to talk to? If it were my kid I would tell him to think long term and not ruin any permanent custody hearing. I am so sorry though! Maybe promise something fun if he sees his dad.

[Anonymous]

My son and his father have a fraught relationship, 99% due to his father's angry outbursts and difficulty communicating with anyone but a hypercompetent mind-reader. I would be very sympathetic if my son refused to see his father, and I believe children should have a choice in the matter. So honestly, I would discuss it with him, and if he really feels strongly about it, I would let him do what he wants. DS is 17, and has already spent many painful years trying to manage his father. If your child is in his early teens, I might encourage more of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

[Anonymous]

What did father do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

He is the dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son and his father have a fraught relationship, 99% due to his father's angry outbursts and difficulty communicating with anyone but a hypercompetent mind-reader. I would be very sympathetic if my son refused to see his father, and I believe children should have a choice in the matter. So honestly, I would discuss it with him, and if he really feels strongly about it, I would let him do what he wants. DS is 17, and has already spent many painful years trying to manage his father. If your child is in his early teens, I might encourage more of a relationship.

This is not about you and your ex and your child wants to please you so of course he will say no to visits. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

Yes, you do. You should be encouraging him to build a healthy relationship with his father, to the extent possible. Also, you weren't there during the incident and shouldn't be so quick to demonize your ex. That doesn't help your son as much as you think it does. Ands the court will not look kindly on the perception you might be contributing to any alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

Yes, you do. You should be encouraging him to build a healthy relationship with his father, to the extent possible. Also, you weren't there during the incident and shouldn't be so quick to demonize your ex. That doesn't help your son as much as you think it does. Ands the court will not look kindly on the perception you might be contributing to any alienation.

I was there. The incident happened when he came to my house without permission.

A healthy relationship with a parent includes boundaries. My kid frequently goes for a run or to a friend's house when he's at my house. And, I wouldn't want his Dad to get involved with what happens at my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, kid had a temper tantrum and you are supporting it. The teenage years will be very rough for you. Yes, you are trying to alienate dad. You tell teen to see his dad or there will be consequences and follow through. He is doing it to make you happy.

His Dad had a tantrum. He alienated my son himself. My question is whether I need to tell my kid to stay for the whole time period anyway.

NP and do you have a temporary custody agreement or order? If so, then yes, you have to abide by it. I mean, why you would you think you didn't have to follow the agreement or order? If not, then no you don't have to honor the informal visitation schedule. In that case probably not a big deal if you're doing 50/50 but if the dad has a nominal amount of time like every other weekend it's not going to look good if you're not making a solid effort to facilitate that minimal amount of visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did father do?

I’m sure if OP wanted the internet to know that, she’d have already told us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son and his father have a fraught relationship, 99% due to his father's angry outbursts and difficulty communicating with anyone but a hypercompetent mind-reader. I would be very sympathetic if my son refused to see his father, and I believe children should have a choice in the matter. So honestly, I would discuss it with him, and if he really feels strongly about it, I would let him do what he wants. DS is 17, and has already spent many painful years trying to manage his father. If your child is in his early teens, I might encourage more of a relationship.

This is not about you and your ex and your child wants to please you so of course he will say no to visits. Sad.

Stop being so rude. I am relating my own perspective to OP to explain why I think it's fine that a mature teen can make his own decisions about such things. OP can adjust according to what actually happened and what kind of personalities are involved.

[Anonymous]

For now yes, he has to stay for the whole time frame. Tell him to go for a run if he needs a break.