Husband cheated with high school sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

She’s a B__ for f@“@ing her husband in the first place. Christ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am writing it as someone whose exH carried over a hidden affair at work for 5 years. He also did it on work trips/abroad. In my case it was a strong emotional connection between the 2 of them, so he would not stop seeing her. And I wanted out, too as I didn't want to live as a family with his AP so involved in my marriage forever.

But if your husband is already broken up with that woman, she's already disposed of and irrelevant. Her texting you shows her weakness. Do not break your marriage over some whore. Particular if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship. You have 3 kids to think of ! If otherwise the marriage felt good (no abuse, alcohol, he is a good earner) try to stick it out. Do not confront him openly, do not talk about a divorce. Give yourself time to line up finances, research lawyers, get all statements. Then keep it locked in your drawer until kids are out for college.

He dumped her and she’s angry. It’s better than if he thought he was in love, etc. she was just a bang, used and dumped.

That’s about the timeframe these affairs with infrequent meetups run their course. They go a little longer because it remains new, but the true colors/personality eventually show up and the sex isn’t so good when it’s not fresh. Sounds like typical midlife married man thing. Most don’t get discovered.

Is she married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait,is the other woman married? If so, call her husband, neighbors and co-workers.

This is the worst advice in this thread. Please do not do this.

Game on !

[Anonymous]

3 years? He clearly is over you. I’m so sorry. Do not take him back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3 years? He clearly is over you. I’m so sorry. Do not take him back.

3 years with what? 4 trips a year? These are t relationships. They are booty calls when he’s in town.

You can’t think of this in terms of a normal relationship when they see each other everyday or multiple times a week.

It was scant. He had his cake and ate it too.

This is so common it’s not even that interesting. 50% of middle aged men have cheated. To them, it’s not love for gods sakes which is why crazy is trying to blow up his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

You're missing the point. People aren't blaming the HS sweetheart for the affair. They're blaming her for vindictively telling OP. Her only purpose was to destroy the guy's family. Just mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am writing it as someone whose exH carried over a hidden affair at work for 5 years. He also did it on work trips/abroad. In my case it was a strong emotional connection between the 2 of them, so he would not stop seeing her. And I wanted out, too as I didn't want to live as a family with his AP so involved in my marriage forever.

But if your husband is already broken up with that woman, she's already disposed of and irrelevant. Her texting you shows her weakness. Do not break your marriage over some whore. Particular if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship. You have 3 kids to think of ! If otherwise the marriage felt good (no abuse, alcohol, he is a good earner) try to stick it out. Do not confront him openly, do not talk about a divorce. Give yourself time to line up finances, research lawyers, get all statements. Then keep it locked in your drawer until kids are out for college.

He dumped her and she’s angry. It’s better than if he thought he was in love, etc. she was just a bang, used and dumped.

That’s about the timeframe these affairs with infrequent meetups run their course. They go a little longer because it remains new, but the true colors/personality eventually show up and the sex isn’t so good when it’s not fresh. Sounds like typical midlife married man thing. Most don’t get discovered.

Is she married? [/quot


I do think it is interesting he broke it off with AP. He clearly wasn't in love with her and was not ready to leave the marriage. It does sound like some type of mid-life crisis thing. I think that is important to determine what was going on in his head that made him make the decision to start the affair in the first place and then ultimately end it. Also, how many times did they actually get together. It was over a 3 year period, but was it a couple of times a year, a month, weekly? Did they talk between liaisons? And why is the AP so bitter it ended - the AP knew he was married. Did he give her the idea that it was more serious than a periodic hook up? There is a lot of information the OP doesn't yet know.

[Anonymous]

Umm, where’s OP? I’m beginning to think they’ve crawled back under the bridge with the other trolls.

—Drops a bombshell post and then doesn’t return.
—No details about what was communicated to the husband after supposedly finding out this info yesterday
—No proof of any affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm, where’s OP? I’m beginning to think they’ve crawled back under the bridge with the other trolls.

—Drops a bombshell post and then doesn’t return.
—No details about what was communicated to the husband after supposedly finding out this info yesterday
—No proof of any affair.

They’ll be back and will escalate the details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

You're missing the point. People aren't blaming the HS sweetheart for the affair. They're blaming her for vindictively telling OP. [i] Her only purpose was to destroy the guy's family. Just mean.

DP. You mean what - holding him accountable for his actions? You don’t know what Op’s husband was telling the other woman. Now while it’s possible that he was upfront and said he was never leaving his wife, he could have been saying that the marriage was dead, that he was separated, they had an open marriage - who knows what. He is obviously a liar and a cheater so I’m not sure why you assume he was honest with the OW and lied to the wife. He made vows to his wife, he has 3 teenagers, he knows an affair can blow up the marriage. His high school sweetheart may not be the first that he cheated with and might not be the last that he cheats with.

What gets me is if you switch this around and the wife cheats on the husband, he blames the wife, not the OM, often divorces right away or bides his time and plans to divorce as soon the kids are old enough, and if he plans to stay for whatever reason he gets at least a revenge affair. While I agree OP should do the best for her and work out emotions with a therapist not friends and family, let’s be clear this is on the DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would text her back with one word - “proof?”

See what she shares with you.

If she sends more simply accept and then watch your DH carefully in all dimensions - mood, behavior with you, comings and goings, bank account, email and phone if you have access to them, computer history, cell phone bill, credit card bill, car tracker (simply leave some belonging of yours in the trunk with a tile or tag, etc.

Meanwhile, get yourself into individual therapy with someone who doesn’t try to make you the crazy person.

Also see an attorney and learn how to prepare & what custody, child support & asset split would look like.

Ultimately, your DH will either confess on his own or you will have to confront him at a time of your choosing.

IME, the only hope (slim) that your marriage survives is if DH confesses on his own, enters individual therapy of his own volition and is remorseful and makes amends. Even if that is the case he should be willing to sign a favorable (to you) post-nup as the price of continued marriage.

Meanwhile, do a 180 and engage politely but minimally with him.

Finally, FWIW, you will have to decide what to do about sex between the 2 of you. IME, non-consenual non-monogamous sex felt like a form of rape to me. Ultimately, I could not establish a safe-for-me environment for sex, and so I ended the relationship.

She is terrible for engaging with him, but he is equally terrible. I say that as someone whose HS boyfriend periodically makes overtures to some kind of more sexual relationship. It’s not that hard to keep saying no if you know what kind of person you want to be.

This is excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just found out that my husband cheated on me for the last three years with his high school sweetheart. They met while he was doing work travel in various cities in hotel rooms. The high school sweetheart reached out to me via text yesterday and told me. It sounds like she was angry because my husband broke it off. We have three teenagers and I am devastated. I do not know what to do[/quote]

Right now - you do nothing except collect information to help you decide your next move. Therapist to help you work through your feelings. A lawyer to explain your legal options. Also, make sure you have all the information about your assets - houses, bank accounts, cars, retirement accounts, etc. Depending on your financial situation, open an account in your name only and put some cash away. Cash and knowledge will give you the most options for when you are ready to make a decision.

If your husband comes home and clearly knows that you know -- don't let him pressure you into any decision until YOU are ready to make one. It will take time for you to figure out what is best for you and your children.

Source: been there, done that.[/quote]

Don’t have sex with him. In some states that indicates you forgive it, legally speaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait,is the other woman married? If so, call her husband, neighbors and co-workers.

This is the worst advice in this thread. Please do not do this.

Seriously. Have some dignity and vindictive spouses look bad in court.

[Anonymous]

Is the other woman married too?

[Anonymous]

So wait, DH was traveling for work and banging a side piece throughout the pandemic?