Husband cheated with high school sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Three years? Oh hell no. You would be hearing from my divorce attorney ASAP!

[Anonymous]

No sorry OP this marriage is probably not worth saving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband's high school sweetheart is a B____ with a capital B for telling you.

No. Op’s husband is an ahole for having a three year affair an assuming it would never get out. The other woman is irrelevant.

They're not mutually exclusive, you know. He can be an ahole and she can be a B_____ at the same time. She's worse than the husband anyway. To make HIM suffer she threw an innocent woman under the bus. Not cool.

You are very, very much in the minority for having this opinion.

Personally I would be thanking the OW for telling me.

Agree, though we all know she likely only did it in hopes it would break up OP and her DH and then DH would come back to her. But still, I'd want to know. And unless she too is married, I think he is far more in the wrong than her and, even if she is married, DH is the only one who broke his vows with OP. I never get all the anger at the OW. I expect my DH to be faithful regardless of the opportunities he has--it makes no sense to be angry at whomever provided the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Shocked at the responses on here! Only blaming the ex girlfriend for this. This is why your husband keep on cheating: because you all allow it, don't hold the men responsible and turn a blind eye to it! Some of you are MAD at the ex for telling the wife?! What? I'd WANT to know my husband is straying I don't want to live in the dark with this.

Good grief ladies. Grow a pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am writing it as someone whose exH carried over a hidden affair at work for 5 years. He also did it on work trips/abroad. In my case it was a strong emotional connection between the 2 of them, so he would not stop seeing her. And I wanted out, too as I didn't want to live as a family with his AP so involved in my marriage forever.

But if your husband is already broken up with that woman, she's already disposed of and irrelevant. Her texting you shows her weakness. Do not break your marriage over some whore. Particular if your husband wants to reconcile, work on the relationship. You have 3 kids to think of ! If otherwise the marriage felt good (no abuse, alcohol, he is a good earner) try to stick it out. Do not confront him openly, do not talk about a divorce. Give yourself time to line up finances, research lawyers, get all statements. Then keep it locked in your drawer until kids are out for college.

Break her marriage? He broke the marriage when he cheated. Guy here

[Anonymous]

Time to put him through hell and back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait,is the other woman married? If so, call her husband, neighbors and co-workers.

Don't bother with her neighbors and coworkers, but her husband definitely deserves to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shocked at the responses on here! Only blaming the ex girlfriend for this. This is why your husband keep on cheating: because you all allow it, don't hold the men responsible and turn a blind eye to it! Some of you are MAD at the ex for telling the wife?! What? I'd WANT to know my husband is straying I don't want to live in the dark with this.

Good grief ladies. Grow a pair.

+1

I think some anger at the OW is justified and I personally think being the OW (or OM) is never okay. But this talk of the OW doing something wrong by saying something is really quite messed up. The person who tells you there problem isnt to blame for the problem, that would be the one who created the problem. And you can’t solve a problem you don’t know about.

[Anonymous]

This sounds pretty hot honestly.

[Anonymous]

First of all, you must speak to your husband about this and get the full story. How did this start? And why - was your marriage troubled? If so, can it be fixed? He ended the relationship - what made him end it? Was he remorseful and just wanted to go back to having a normal relationship with you? Was she married too and did she somehow think they'd end up together? If so, what made her think that.

There is a lot to unpack in this situation. You need details (whether you want them or not) so you can fully process what happened and make decisions on where to go from here.

I have been in your shoes and when I found out, I immediately felt as though it was me and I had done something to cause this. As it turns out, my husband had some serious emotional issues that made him vulnerable to an affair. In my case, the AP pursued him and he said it made him feel better about himself at a time he wasn't particularly happy. This is definitely not an excuse, and he did not get a pass, but it helped me understand that what happened to our marriage was on him, not me.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to the other woman and want to know every detail you know why? So if I'd ever even *think* about getting back together with him I'd remember their 3 years together and use that as brain ammunition to never get back him with.

[Anonymous]

I would text her back with one word - “proof?”

See what she shares with you.

If she sends more simply accept and then watch your DH carefully in all dimensions - mood, behavior with you, comings and goings, bank account, email and phone if you have access to them, computer history, cell phone bill, credit card bill, car tracker (simply leave some belonging of yours in the trunk with a tile or tag, etc.

Meanwhile, get yourself into individual therapy with someone who doesn’t try to make you the crazy person.

Also see an attorney and learn how to prepare & what custody, child support & asset split would look like.

Ultimately, your DH will either confess on his own or you will have to confront him at a time of your choosing.

IME, the only hope (slim) that your marriage survives is if DH confesses on his own, enters individual therapy of his own volition and is remorseful and makes amends. Even if that is the case he should be willing to sign a favorable (to you) post-nup as the price of continued marriage.

Meanwhile, do a 180 and engage politely but minimally with him.

Finally, FWIW, you will have to decide what to do about sex between the 2 of you. IME, non-consenual non-monogamous sex felt like a form of rape to me. Ultimately, I could not establish a safe-for-me environment for sex, and so I ended the relationship.

She is terrible for engaging with him, but he is equally terrible. I say that as someone whose HS boyfriend periodically makes overtures to some kind of more sexual relationship. It’s not that hard to keep saying no if you know what kind of person you want to be.

[Anonymous]

NP.

OP, please immediately get an appointment for an STD/STI screen. My BFF learned of her DH’s multiple sexual partners only after a routine gyno exam came back with concerning results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.

OP, please immediately get an appointment for an STD/STI screen. My BFF learned of her DH’s multiple sexual partners only after a routine gyno exam came back with concerning results.

Yes - definitely do this asap for peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would text her back with one word - “proof?”

See what she shares with you.

If she sends more simply accept and then watch your DH carefully in all dimensions - mood, behavior with you, comings and goings, bank account, email and phone if you have access to them, computer history, cell phone bill, credit card bill, car tracker (simply leave some belonging of yours in the trunk with a tile or tag, etc.

Meanwhile, get yourself into individual therapy with someone who doesn’t try to make you the crazy person.

Also see an attorney and learn how to prepare & what custody, child support & asset split would look like.

Ultimately, your DH will either confess on his own or you will have to confront him at a time of your choosing.

IME, the only hope (slim) that your marriage survives is if DH confesses on his own, enters individual therapy of his own volition and is remorseful and makes amends. Even if that is the case he should be willing to sign a favorable (to you) post-nup as the price of continued marriage.

Meanwhile, do a 180 and engage politely but minimally with him.

Finally, FWIW, you will have to decide what to do about sex between the 2 of you. IME, non-consenual non-monogamous sex felt like a form of rape to me. Ultimately, I could not establish a safe-for-me environment for sex, and so I ended the relationship.

She is terrible for engaging with him, but he is equally terrible. I say that as someone whose HS boyfriend periodically makes overtures to some kind of more sexual relationship. It’s not that hard to keep saying no if you know what kind of person you want to be.

It is actually a good idea to ask the AP for proof (pictures of them together, emails etc). OP may need it for future divorce proceedings and she will be off the hook for snooping after him. Kudos!