How common is swinging, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend that worked on the hill and he said it’s like you’d imagine. Congressmen are sleeping with interns and lots of cheating going on

Thats not swinging. Abuse of power but not swinging.

[Anonymous]

It’s not common. This is one of those things where people who do it start to think “everyone does this!” But they don’t. Especially among couples with young kids. Who has the time or energy? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common. This is one of those things where people who do it start to think “everyone does this!” But they don’t. Especially among couples with young kids. Who has the time or energy? Come on.

What would happen if parents of their kids’ friends find out the swinging. It’s a small community. Words spread fast. Their Kids’ social life is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common. This is one of those things where people who do it start to think “everyone does this!” But they don’t. Especially among couples with young kids. Who has the time or energy? Come on.

Someone once said to me that if you think about it, there are so many explicit videos out there, that there’s bound to be people you know who are into something naughty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately not common enough. Monogamy is so boring.

You have the wrong partner then.

Yep, agree. I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone other than my spouse.

I somewhat disagree. My partner is a great spouse so from that perspective I would not replace them with anyone. However, it's kinda like my spouse is the steak and I'm eating the steak every day. It's still my favorite meal but sometimes I'd like to try the chicken. With work, kids and just every day life there is so much monotony, it would be fun to change it up.

That said, I think it's more interesting as a fantasy than a reality. It just seems like there are so many potential complications/issues and probably even some I haven't thought of that it's not a realistic option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately not common enough. Monogamy is so boring.

You have the wrong partner then.

Yep, agree. I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone other than my spouse.

I somewhat disagree. My partner is a great spouse so from that perspective I would not replace them with anyone. However, it's kinda like my spouse is the steak and I'm eating the steak every day. It's still my favorite meal but sometimes I'd like to try the chicken. With work, kids and just every day life there is so much monotony, it would be fun to change it up.

That said, I think it's more interesting as a fantasy than a reality. It just seems like there are so many potential complications/issues and probably even some I haven't thought of that it's not a realistic option.

If you fall into routine, you get routine. Don't do routine. There is nothing "steak everyday" about our relationship because we put in the effort to make sure it isn't "steak everyday".
We have one rule, we don't ever involve others in our sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

Door wreaths outside of the holiday season are another tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

I heard that rumor but in don’t believe it. Plus pineapples are a popular decoration and it’s in all the home decor stores.

I suspect this was a joke.

Not a joke. Large homes in Sterling with huge pineapple sculptures in their front yard. sign of swinging. We don’t wear anything with pineapple on it in our household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

Door wreaths outside of the holiday season are another tell.

Sorry to disappoint my neighbors but my hydrangea wreath is not a beacon! 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not common. This is one of those things where people who do it start to think “everyone does this!” But they don’t. Especially among couples with young kids. Who has the time or energy? Come on.

What would happen if parents of their kids’ friends find out the swinging. It’s a small community. Words spread fast. Their Kids’ social life is over.

It is remarkably discreet — unspoken rule taken very seriously. Funny, lots of talk about needing to be home to relieve the babysitter. It’s an interesting world of actually many very nice, smart, successful people just looking for a certain excitement and experience, not all d-bags as referenced earlier. It might not be for everyone, but eye-opening on the type of people who participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

Door wreaths outside of the holiday season are another tell.

Sorry to disappoint my neighbors but my hydrangea wreath is not a beacon! 🤣

Lol same here. I like wreaths for each season. I have heard the pineapple sign (upside down?) and wearing an anklet is a signal.

I remember googling it after there was a joke on Colbert about secret Hollywood sex parties, eyes wide shut style. Colbert said he didn’t think they existed because he’d never heard of/been invited to one. Someone in the audience said they were definitely real, and all cities have clubs for that kind of thing. It seems like there are places/clubs where you can go to have anonymous sex. But swinging (necessitating two willing couples) seems like a different ballgame.

I think it’s very very rare. Ive heard only two reports of instances in real life. I had a friend in high school who said his parents did it (along with bdsm kink I think), until they got divorced (dad left mom for a threesome partner). They were professionals in some scientific field. I believed him. He was so matter of fact about it. Then I have a current friend with a longtime partner, and he says he has gay couple friends that are into it, and sometimes pressure him and his partner to go to those types of get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

I heard that rumor but in don’t believe it. Plus pineapples are a popular decoration and it’s in all the home decor stores.

I suspect this was a joke.

Not a joke. Large homes in Sterling with huge pineapple sculptures in their front yard. sign of swinging. We don’t wear anything with pineapple on it in our household.

Imagine the surprise a family is in for when they decorate in pineapples for the love of Dole and they end up getting surprised visitors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately not common enough. Monogamy is so boring.

Yep, agree. I would do it in a heartbeat. My spouse doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

No judgement, but I’m curious as to how you guys landed on this arrangement. Care to share?

Not sure exactly. It’s been that way since before we were married, I think mainly for my benefit initially. More than anything, though, we are just “aligned” in thinking that sex is sex, it’s not a betrayal of the great relationship we have, and people are imperfect anyway. We both travel, and have needs that at various points throughout our relationship aren’t always perfectly aligned. We’re not religious, didn’t say traditional vows. Our arrangement isn’t even really much of an arrangement, it’s just an understanding that’s always been there. Very much DADT, never anyone within the sphere of our actual lives, nothing that the other person will see or have to deal with.

Surely not for everyone, but it works for us. Our relationship and sex life are both very strong. And it’s not like this is even a remotely frequent occurrence. We have kids and demanding jobs and the vast, vast majority of our leisure time is together. I’ve had a small handful of “encounters” over the years, suspect spouse is the same or even less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

No judgement, but I’m curious as to how you guys landed on this arrangement. Care to share?

Not sure exactly. It’s been that way since before we were married, I think mainly for my benefit initially. More than anything, though, we are just “aligned” in thinking that sex is sex, it’s not a betrayal of the great relationship we have, and people are imperfect anyway. We both travel, and have needs that at various points throughout our relationship aren’t always perfectly aligned. We’re not religious, didn’t say traditional vows. Our arrangement isn’t even really much of an arrangement, it’s just an understanding that’s always been there. Very much DADT, never anyone within the sphere of our actual lives, nothing that the other person will see or have to deal with.

Surely not for everyone, but it works for us. Our relationship and sex life are both very strong. And it’s not like this is even a remotely frequent occurrence. We have kids and demanding jobs and the vast, vast majority of our leisure time is together. I’ve had a small handful of “encounters” over the years, suspect spouse is the same or even less.

It sounds like you made the decision to cheat. Not that your spouse is fine with it. But sure, DADT… that we never discussed and not sure when it happened but for my benefit.