How common is swinging, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW- Because I’m a lawyer - I didn’t say “it’s quite common” or “everybody does it” or that it’s mainstream. All I said is it’s more common than people think.

Hi again, normal surburban mom! So you're a lawyer (and nitpicker) too!

"Common" is a good word for it. So many meanings, that word, "common."

[Anonymous]

As a follow up to an old thread, how common is it for married couples to be in an open, poly relationship, or other arrangement that might be considered outside the norm?

[Anonymous]

I don't know how common it is, but I lived in CA and FL, which you would think would be havens for swingers, and I never heard of any couples who swing. I've been in DC for less than 2 years and met a friend of a friend (corp attorney) who shared way too much info about her swinging lifestyle. Also, my niece, who is a teacher in VA, has shared that there is a big swinging culture with the parents at her private school (just outside of DMV).

[Anonymous]

Former swinger here. Common enough that I’ve encountered (unplanned) two colleagues, a mom friend and one acquaintance from my larger social circle at swinger parties. But I doubt it’s happening within a neighborhood or among friends. Most swingers follow the advice to turn swingers into friends, not friends into swingers.

And yes these are all professional people with important jobs. The stigma isn’t really there anymore…as alternative lifestyles in general are more acceptable culturally now compared to 20 years ago when I was more active in it.

[Anonymous]

I feel like people who do it try to keep it confidential, which is not all that difficult.

So the answer to op’s question is: it happens far more than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the amount of threads that reference couples swinging. I just never thought it would be so common. How frequently do couples actually do it? We’re in Potomac and I just can’t imagine my neighbors and friends doing this, though I hear a lot about swinging happening in Potomac on this board. And how does it even get brought up when swingers are looking to engage another couple??

More common is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the amount of threads that reference couples swinging. I just never thought it would be so common. How frequently do couples actually do it? We’re in Potomac and I just can’t imagine my neighbors and friends doing this, though I hear a lot about swinging happening in Potomac on this board. And how does it even get brought up when swingers are looking to engage another couple??

More common is cheating.

True, but there are a fair amount of people that swing, too

[Anonymous]

The swingers scene at the Chevy Chase Club is robust.

[Anonymous]

I’ve lived in the DMV area for years, and have lived a fair common DC professional life.

Two anecdotes: Following my divorce a decade ago, one professional woman that I met - a university professor - said that she left her husband when he wanted to them swing. He then went out on his own without her and eventually married someone he met on the side. Another professional woman - a medical doctor - enjoyed being the third in MFF situations.

I’m no longer dating either of them, but they confirmed to me that the lifestyle is alive and well in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Along the same lines, how common is it for married couples to be in a poly or open relationships? Threesome? Since those types of relationships are less public, can only guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no stats for you, but I can assure you that it's more common than you imagine. I ran across plenty of normal, couple-next-door types when I was briefly testing out the scene (not currently in it), including the usual DMV types: international organization workers, feds, embassy staff, congressional staffers, successful entrepreneurs, professional suburban couples with kids, all types, really. And, contrary to the common assertions by scandalized, judgy DCUM posters, not a bunch of creepers or weirdos or unattractive people. I, for example, am a typical DC fed professional mom, attractive, well-educated, well-adjusted. Just wanted to see what a freer sexual environment was like. I have no idea what the scene is like now, post-pandemic. But a few years ago there was no scarcity of events and venues to check out the scene.

the dc area has a lot of govt and clearance work so those people would jeopardize their clearance and careers. That fed prof mom is committing career suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former swinger here. Common enough that I’ve encountered (unplanned) two colleagues, a mom friend and one acquaintance from my larger social circle at swinger parties. But I doubt it’s happening within a neighborhood or among friends. Most swingers follow the advice to turn swingers into friends, not friends into swingers.

And yes these are all professional people with important jobs. The stigma isn’t really there anymore…as alternative lifestyles in general are more acceptable culturally now compared to 20 years ago when I was more active in it.

Stigma is still there. You just probably know more swingers now and don't see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the amount of threads that reference couples swinging. I just never thought it would be so common. How frequently do couples actually do it? We’re in Potomac and I just can’t imagine my neighbors and friends doing this, though I hear a lot about swinging happening in Potomac on this board. And how does it even get brought up when swingers are looking to engage another couple??

Its not common at all but people who do it are very vocal and keep trying to normalize and legitimize it. Its like disproportional portrayal of LGBTQ characters in Hollywood. To be fair, who can blame them? Minorities have to advocate for themselves or majority starts treating them as leapers.

[Anonymous]

It's very common right before the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived in the DMV area for years, and have lived a fair common DC professional life.

Two anecdotes: Following my divorce a decade ago, one professional woman that I met - a university professor - said that she left her husband when he wanted to them swing. He then went out on his own without her and eventually married someone he met on the side. Another professional woman - a medical doctor - enjoyed being the third in MFF situations.

I’m no longer dating either of them, but they confirmed to me that the lifestyle is alive and well in the DC area.

I know lots of cheaters and couples where they both cheat, semi-openly. The only people I’ve ever met, in dc or elsewhere, who are poly or swingers and either don’t stay married long or reach the conclusion that it’s weird. The only long term swinger I know is a damaged person who was looking for an excuse to divorce her husband who she married young, and now she’s trapped in a cycle of unhealthy “open” relationships where she’s clearly being used in degrading ways for sex and pretends she feels empowered.