How common is swinging, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

I think this is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

I think this is right.

Ok, so in your scenario what does a “reasonable stray” look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

No judgement, but I’m curious as to how you guys landed on this arrangement. Care to share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately not common enough. Monogamy is so boring.

You have the wrong partner then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

I think this is right.

Ok, so in your scenario what does a “reasonable stray” look like?

I think the PP meant an open marriage with some restrictions. For example, you can sleep with other people, but not the spouse's friends, family, co-workers, or neighbors.

[Anonymous]

BTDT but no longer. Wife sharing is something that seems to continue to grow, at least as a presence on the net. As to the numbers? I doubt that there is a way to assign an accurate number.

I would expect though that cheating and hookups are far more common than couples who swing together or men who share their wives with other men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "it's quite common, I tried it so I know" PP crops up often when this topic gets mentioned here. The PP will deny this but the style's the same, as well as the insistence that all types of people do this more than we realize. The details insisting on how very mom-next-door normal she is ("typical DC fed professional mom, attractive, well-educated, well-adjusted") seem like she's protesting too much, if you know what I mean. Like she's out to be the poster girl (if it's a woman who's actually posting) for swinging as just another way to spend a Saturday night when it's too rainy to barbecue. Doesn't pass the smell test. Affairs? Sure. Organized swinging? Eh, maybe, but not the common thing DCUM wants to believe it is, OP. Too many ways to get caught, too many couples where one is interested and the other isn't, too many chances for feelings to develop and scupper the no-strings fun, etc. Don't believe everything that people on DCUM insist "everyone's doing" all the time.

So I guess affairs, where it is definitely possible to be caught, are okay for one's reputation, while swinging isn't.

Our world is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no stats for you, but I can assure you that it's more common than you imagine. I ran across plenty of normal, couple-next-door types when I was briefly testing out the scene (not currently in it), including the usual DMV types: international organization workers, feds, embassy staff, congressional staffers, successful entrepreneurs, professional suburban couples with kids, all types, really. And, contrary to the common assertions by scandalized, judgy DCUM posters, not a bunch of creepers or weirdos or unattractive people. I, for example, am a typical DC fed professional mom, attractive, well-educated, well-adjusted. Just wanted to see what a freer sexual environment was like. I have no idea what the scene is like now, post-pandemic. But a few years ago there was no scarcity of events and venues to check out the scene.

How did you break into this scene and find other like minded couples?

You need to start by reading up, following some online forums, maybe listen to podcasts if you’re into that. Walk before you run. There’s a LOT to consider and the swinger cukter has very strong unwritten rules you need to understand and respect. This is real, REAL life, not your teenage fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

I heard that rumor but in don’t believe it. Plus pineapples are a popular decoration and it’s in all the home decor stores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "it's quite common, I tried it so I know" PP crops up often when this topic gets mentioned here. The PP will deny this but the style's the same, as well as the insistence that all types of people do this more than we realize. The details insisting on how very mom-next-door normal she is ("typical DC fed professional mom, attractive, well-educated, well-adjusted") seem like she's protesting too much, if you know what I mean. Like she's out to be the poster girl (if it's a woman who's actually posting) for swinging as just another way to spend a Saturday night when it's too rainy to barbecue. Doesn't pass the smell test. Affairs? Sure. Organized swinging? Eh, maybe, but not the common thing DCUM wants to believe it is, OP. Too many ways to get caught, too many couples where one is interested and the other isn't, too many chances for feelings to develop and scupper the no-strings fun, etc. Don't believe everything that people on DCUM insist "everyone's doing" all the time.

Sorry, np, and pp is correct. You’d be surprised at how many people are in the lifestyle and how normal they are.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how common it is, but I’ve met 3-4 people who cannot STFU about “the lifestyle” and they have all been hideous poster children for monogomy.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be about a playground activity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:True swinging is rare, super rare in a socially conservative city like DC. And yeah it’s generally filled with people who are non-mainstream in one way or another.

However, I think explicitly or implicitly “open” marriages are WAY more common. My guess is people talking about swinging, hitting on a neighbor, etc. are referring to this. Maybe one-off threesomes, or the spouses are reasonably free to stray within certain limits. That’s how we are. No one would call us “swingers”.

I think this is right.

This sounds right to me too. All the couples I know who do this met and married young, but opening the marriage has been their way to scratch that itch of not having been with more people in their 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pineapples. Just look for the pineapple statues.

I heard that rumor but in don’t believe it. Plus pineapples are a popular decoration and it’s in all the home decor stores.

I suspect this was a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Unfortunately not common enough. Monogamy is so boring.

You have the wrong partner then.

Yep, agree. I can’t imagine wanting to be with anyone other than my spouse.