Parents please believe your child’s teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

I haven’t read through all the comments, but OP you sound like a wonderful teacher. I would love for my kid to have an educator like you who is not afraid to have hard conversations in order to help their students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

If the teacher suspects an issue, doesn't Child Find requirement require them to start the process for further assessment? Why are you moving the burden to the parent when IDEA requires each LEA to have policy and procedures in place to ensure all children who are in need of special education and related services are identified and evaluated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When teacher earns the trust, maybe parents would.

This.

When I witness a teacher cruelly targeting a SN kid, to motivate other kids to learn the material, I'm not going to respect that teacher. When the teacher tells 75% of the class parents their kid needs to be tested for ADHD and get put on drugs, I'm going to be alarmed on behalf of the kids and look at the teacher like she's a three-headed dragon. When I see the school staff as a whole exhibiting little respect for the kids, I'm pulling my kid out of the school even though it's a massive inconvenience for me and disruptive to my kid.

This kind of teacher is doing a disservice to the kids who really do need some sort of assessment and intervention. She's also harming the other kids and making them hate school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

No one knows my kid better than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

No one knows my kid better than me.

No, kids behave different at school, but teachers don't tell parents their behavior to avoid issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

No I paid a person to tell me my child was dyslexic.

When she observed the classroom she made suggestions to the teacher (and principal). The design of the desks, the order of the classes, the use of the board vs lecture, etc.

The teacher wasn’t as defensive as you she used all the suggestions to make her classroom a better environment for learning.

But you fo demonstrate his the teacher can be the problem and simple suggestions to improve are net with hostility.

This is hilarious. So many of those things are out if a teacher’s control. You think a teacher gets to unilaterally pick what order to teach classes. It has to be coordinated with specialists and the school. If the entire school teaches math before recess your observer’s recommendation that the teacher teaches reading first is laughable. The design of of the desks? Often times the leadership is dictating how they want desks arranged. If a teacher want to use rows of desks that wouldn’t be allowed at some schools. The teacher probably was relieved when your child left the class at the end of the year.

This anecdote really highlights the problem with education. The parent assumes the teacher is the problem and brings in an expert, somebody without teaching experience who is unfamiliar with the operations of an actual classroom. This expert doesn’t know the many conflicting priorities a teacher needs to meet on a daily basis. Would I have an “expert” sit in on a doctor’s appointment with me? No. I assume my doctor has the training and knowledge to be the expert in that environment. Why can’t we give teachers that same respect? I’m a general education teacher who is about to spend my whole summer in supplemental training programs. And for what? To have an “expert” second guess what I do in my classroom?

This post is hilariously ignorant.

PARENTS! Listen to teachers do something with your problem child!

Okay, I paid $3000 for an evaluation like you suggested which includes evaluation the child in the classroom.

PARENTS! Don’t use experts !

Like WTF! You want parents to take your feedback and get help or not? Sorry the observation found flaws in your teaching but if you have such a low self esteem that you can’t receive feedback maybe you shouldn’t teach.

Wow. Let’s take a slow, methodical look at this anecdote. The parent brings in an expert that makes a medical diagnosis. Was this a learning specialist, one who knows about dyslexia, or was this an education specialist, one who is experienced in pedagogy? Either way: Instead of saying what the student or family can do to support the child’s needs, the only changes mentioned are what the teacher needs to do. The teacher, who is responsible for 25+ other students, also doesn’t have the flexibility to even make some of the recommended changes. Somebody who understands how schools are run would know that. The person the family hired had one goal: find what will support that ONE child. The teacher can and would certainly accept recommendations, but the ones listed in the initial post are impractical. The teacher’s schedule and seating arrangements were already set to accommodate a variety of needs. If the hired expert had suggested accommodations that the parents, student, and teacher could implement together, then that would have been VERY useful. That’s not the picture the poster initially painted. The initial email was 100% “the teacher was wrong” and your attack above about finding flaws in teaching is a good illustration of the ultimate problem. Were these actually flaws in the initial post? They didn’t sound that way to me. Teachers are also experts. We take feedback daily. We have also learned to critically evaluate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s no wonder why teachers are fleeing the classroom.

Was about to say, what a toxic freaking thread for the last day of school. Keep on stinking DCUM

This toxic freaking thread was started by a teacher, who issued a blanket statement that actually does not apply to all parents or all teachers, but phrased as though it does. If a teacher reads this thread and "flees the classroom" that might be a good thing. I mean look at this:

Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim."

This is a disturbing statement from a teacher. First she's assigning labels to kids based on behavior -- bully, victim. That's a problem right there because if you work with kids in this stage of behavioral development, the focus needs to always be on the behavior. Behavior can change, but you don't assign kids labels that might follow them around. Second, it concerns me that apparently social dynamics in this teacher's classroom are apparently so bad that she's upset with both the parents of the aggressive kids AND the parents of the kids who are receiving the aggressive behavior. Is there any parent who is doing enough for this teacher. The thing about "your kid needs to learn how not to be a victim" is especially gross to me. If you've ever had a kid on the receiving end of bullying or hurtful behavior, you have absolutely grappled with how to help them learn ways to avoid that in the future. But I would NEVER blame a kid for getting bullied. They are kids! Just stop. This is toxic.

And the loner genius/autistic statement is just ignorant. Is this teacher an expert in spectrum diagnoses? I guarantee no. Teachers should NEVER tell parents "your kid is autistic" or "your kid has ADHD" or whatever. You can describe the behavior you are observing, explain how it may be inhibiting social or academic development, and suggest the parent get the child evaluated by an actual expert. You don't diagnose kids, you don't assign labels you don't really understand. Also, you understand the limitations of your experience. Kids with autism, for instance, are always autistic. They aren't NT at home and autistic at school. Even the most adept masker will not act so differently at home that the parent simply does not notice the autistic behaviors. However, there are kids who display behaviors at school that might seem to indicate autism, but if you observe them at home, you'd know immediately that this is not the diagnosis. These kids may have social anxiety, or there may be something else going on that inciting behaviors at school that are not present at home. Which is why a teacher is NOT well positioned to diagnose a child and why you have to get an independent evaluation which will take into account the child's behaviors in all settings.

The teacher in this case may mean well, but she is engaging in precisely the kind of thinking that makes me LESS likely to take a teacher's assessment to heart. I'm sorry if pointing that out is "toxic". If a teacher struggles with this, maybe they shouldn't be in the classroom anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s no wonder why teachers are fleeing the classroom.

Was about to say, what a toxic freaking thread for the last day of school. Keep on stinking DCUM

[fixing this post so the quote is actually in quotes]

This toxic freaking thread was started by a teacher, who issued a blanket statement that actually does not apply to all parents or all teachers, but phrased as though it does. If a teacher reads this thread and "flees the classroom" that might be a good thing. I mean look at this:

Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

"

This is a disturbing statement from a teacher. First she's assigning labels to kids based on behavior -- bully, victim. That's a problem right there because if you work with kids in this stage of behavioral development, the focus needs to always be on the behavior. Behavior can change, but you don't assign kids labels that might follow them around. Second, it concerns me that apparently social dynamics in this teacher's classroom are apparently so bad that she's upset with both the parents of the aggressive kids AND the parents of the kids who are receiving the aggressive behavior. Is there any parent who is doing enough for this teacher. The thing about "your kid needs to learn how not to be a victim" is especially gross to me. If you've ever had a kid on the receiving end of bullying or hurtful behavior, you have absolutely grappled with how to help them learn ways to avoid that in the future. But I would NEVER blame a kid for getting bullied. They are kids! Just stop. This is toxic.

And the loner genius/autistic statement is just ignorant. Is this teacher an expert in spectrum diagnoses? I guarantee no. Teachers should NEVER tell parents "your kid is autistic" or "your kid has ADHD" or whatever. You can describe the behavior you are observing, explain how it may be inhibiting social or academic development, and suggest the parent get the child evaluated by an actual expert. You don't diagnose kids, you don't assign labels you don't really understand. Also, you understand the limitations of your experience. Kids with autism, for instance, are always autistic. They aren't NT at home and autistic at school. Even the most adept masker will not act so differently at home that the parent simply does not notice the autistic behaviors. However, there are kids who display behaviors at school that might seem to indicate autism, but if you observe them at home, you'd know immediately that this is not the diagnosis. These kids may have social anxiety, or there may be something else going on that inciting behaviors at school that are not present at home. Which is why a teacher is NOT well positioned to diagnose a child and why you have to get an independent evaluation which will take into account the child's behaviors in all settings.

The teacher in this case may mean well, but she is engaging in precisely the kind of thinking that makes me LESS likely to take a teacher's assessment to heart. I'm sorry if pointing that out is "toxic". If a teacher struggles with this, maybe they shouldn't be in the classroom anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s no wonder why teachers are fleeing the classroom.

Was about to say, what a toxic freaking thread for the last day of school. Keep on stinking DCUM

[fixing this post so the quote is actually in quotes]

This toxic freaking thread was started by a teacher, who issued a blanket statement that actually does not apply to all parents or all teachers, but phrased as though it does. If a teacher reads this thread and "flees the classroom" that might be a good thing. I mean look at this:

Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim.

"

This is a disturbing statement from a teacher. First she's assigning labels to kids based on behavior -- bully, victim. That's a problem right there because if you work with kids in this stage of behavioral development, the focus needs to always be on the behavior. Behavior can change, but you don't assign kids labels that might follow them around. Second, it concerns me that apparently social dynamics in this teacher's classroom are apparently so bad that she's upset with both the parents of the aggressive kids AND the parents of the kids who are receiving the aggressive behavior. Is there any parent who is doing enough for this teacher. The thing about "your kid needs to learn how not to be a victim" is especially gross to me. If you've ever had a kid on the receiving end of bullying or hurtful behavior, you have absolutely grappled with how to help them learn ways to avoid that in the future. But I would NEVER blame a kid for getting bullied. They are kids! Just stop. This is toxic.

And the loner genius/autistic statement is just ignorant. Is this teacher an expert in spectrum diagnoses? I guarantee no. Teachers should NEVER tell parents "your kid is autistic" or "your kid has ADHD" or whatever. You can describe the behavior you are observing, explain how it may be inhibiting social or academic development, and suggest the parent get the child evaluated by an actual expert. You don't diagnose kids, you don't assign labels you don't really understand. Also, you understand the limitations of your experience. Kids with autism, for instance, are always autistic. They aren't NT at home and autistic at school. Even the most adept masker will not act so differently at home that the parent simply does not notice the autistic behaviors. However, there are kids who display behaviors at school that might seem to indicate autism, but if you observe them at home, you'd know immediately that this is not the diagnosis. These kids may have social anxiety, or there may be something else going on that inciting behaviors at school that are not present at home. Which is why a teacher is NOT well positioned to diagnose a child and why you have to get an independent evaluation which will take into account the child's behaviors in all settings.

The teacher in this case may mean well, but she is engaging in precisely the kind of thinking that makes me LESS likely to take a teacher's assessment to heart. I'm sorry if pointing that out is "toxic". If a teacher struggles with this, maybe they shouldn't be in the classroom anyway.

Thank you for this. It helped to clarify why I found the OP off-putting in a way I couldn't quite identify.

Well, I could identify why I found the victim-blaming of the OP off-putting, but otherwise....

[Anonymous]

So, when I've taught my child to "not be a victim" (wtaf, OP?), I've told them to ignore, move away from the person doing the offending behavior, say "stop it", and then get a teacher. What has happened when my child has had to get a teacher is that the teacher says, "deal with it." Not kidding. So I taught my child to fight.

[Anonymous]

I have to say that my experience with teachers is typically the opposite. They are going above and beyond to make accommodations and use such coded language that it’s hard to figure out what’s actually going on. I definitely heard the “brilliant loner” thing from a few teachers with my autistic child. It wasn’t until I started just dropping in at the school to drop off “forgotten” items that I saw that my son had on noise cancelling headphones and a weighted blanket and was not participating in the classroom activities.

[Anonymous]

I KNOW.

And despite neuropsychological evaluations and intervention, guess what?

TEACHERS NEEDED TO INTERVENE TO STOP MY SON FROM BEING BULLIED.

Do your job too, teacher! How dare you tell parents of vulnerable children with special needs that they need to "do something" about their kid being the victim?!?!?!?!

Thankfully, my child had great teachers, and they intervened. You need to do better than compare victims to perpetrators!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

I haven’t read through all the comments, but OP you sound like a wonderful teacher. I would love for my kid to have an educator like you who is not afraid to have hard conversations in order to help their students.

Except she said victims had to change so they weren't bullied. Well if they could do that, they would!!! So even though OP makes some good points, I reject their statement based on this incredibly insensitive, ignorant and damaging belief. OP deserves to be excoriated and does not belong in the classroom or anywhere near children if they think victims are at fault.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you a parent? I am a teacher with a child in kindergarten and your perspective changes a lot. Also, we all know that there are teachers who do not handle things in the best way with kids that might not have perfect behavior.

[Anonymous]

I wish teachers would actually tell parents what they see. Too many are worried about getting a bigger IEP case load, so as long as the kid isn't causing the teacher a problem, they gas light the parents into believing there is no problem and give the kids As.

Lovely, wonderful teachers I really liked did this to us and only when we switched schools did we learn that both of our kids had pretty serious LDs. The As went to Cs when teachers were real about it. We lost all the value of early intervention.