Parents please believe your child’s teacher

[Anonymous]

Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

[Anonymous]

Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

[Anonymous]

Consider how you are communicating news of incidents. “Larla is such a great kid that I was so surprised to see her joining in on teasing Ricardo about his accent.” Much easier to hear than Larla is a mean bigot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

Of course! But if you already know these things please talk with the teacher about it to problem solve. You can be on the same team, pulling together to support your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider how you are communicating news of incidents. “Larla is such a great kid that I was so surprised to see her joining in on teasing Ricardo about his accent.” Much easier to hear than Larla is a mean bigot.

Trust me, I could open a successful PR agency at this point. Most teachers know to ALWAYS lead with the positives! We spend our days helping students focus on their strengths- we know what those are too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider how you are communicating news of incidents. “Larla is such a great kid that I was so surprised to see her joining in on teasing Ricardo about his accent.” Much easier to hear than Larla is a mean bigot.

NP. I don’t know a single teacher or daycare/before-and-aftercare staff member who wouldn’t lead with being surprised by something, or identifying something as out-of-character. In fact, that information is usually shared first because it makes the stronger case that something is amiss here. -parent

[Anonymous]

Teachers, please actually deal with bullying behavior instead of expecting kids to just deal with it. And if you expect my kid to just deal with, have a plan for how to do so. Don’t tell my kid to ignore the bully and then admonish her for not talking to him. Don’t tell her that it is her responsibility not escalate and to forgive him even when he isn’t sorry — you sound like you are grooming my DD to be a domestic violence victim. Don’t have the counselor tell my kid to tell the bully to stop and then allow another teacher to tell her that she can’t keep telling him to stop. Don’t refer to her bully as a “non-preferred peer.” And when we have a meeting and I ask what she should do, have an answer - don’t sit in silence or leave the room in tears. And don’t lie to me because you want the whole thing swept under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

It’s the same kid, even if they act different. And parents can often provide context that help YOU to better understand why a child is behaving a certain way.

My point is to remember that even with your experience and time with the child, parents are bringing a lot to the table. The way you are talking abouttthis is like ALL parents are in denial about their children and need to just listen to what the teacher says to understand. IME this is not common. Parents often have a fuller picture of what is happening and instead of viewing yourself as dictating the truth to oblivious parents, you will get more out of it (and be “believed” more often) if you view parents as competent and aware and approach them from that perspective.

I have never had a teacher approach me with feedback about my kid that sounded out of the blue or unsurprising. Sometimes I’ll think “huh, so that’s how that is manifesting at school” or “oh okay this is what he was talking about last week— I didn’t get the full picture.” But I’ve never thought “What? This person is lying! My child is perfect!” because that’s silly. I don’t know any other parents like that either, and if I did, I’d take that in as one of the things the child is dealing with.

[Anonymous]

When teacher earns the trust, maybe parents would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

Of course! But if you already know these things please talk with the teacher about it to problem solve. You can be on the same team, pulling together to support your child.

Happily, but it’s hard to be on the same team if the teacher is approaching it from OP’s perspective. It’s an attitude that will put people in the defensive immediately and actually demonstrates a lot of arrogance. Do you really think a teacher who has spent a few months in a classroom environment with a kid is going to know MORE than the child’s parent? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

Of course! But if you already know these things please talk with the teacher about it to problem solve. You can be on the same team, pulling together to support your child.

Happily, but it’s hard to be on the same team if the teacher is approaching it from OP’s perspective. It’s an attitude that will put people in the defensive immediately and actually demonstrates a lot of arrogance. Do you really think a teacher who has spent a few months in a classroom environment with a kid is going to know MORE than the child’s parent? Come on.

I mean, they know more about the child in the school environment than the parents do. YOU “come on.” Good thing my older sister’s teacher spoke up to say she was very withdrawn and checked-out at school after skipping a grade, even though at home she was the oldest/bossy/controlling/always getting her way and very outspoken. When my parents realized that skipping a grade had such a big impact on her socially and academically, they worked with her teacher on strategies to make the adjustment period easier. -NP

[Anonymous]

Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

Do you job at school. Do you need us to sit in the classroom and help you.

No duh kids have suicidal, academic and behavior issues. They are works in progress. It’s more normal to have issues than to not have issues.

[Anonymous]

My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.