Parents please believe your child’s teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

Of course! But if you already know these things please talk with the teacher about it to problem solve. You can be on the same team, pulling together to support your child.

Happily, but it’s hard to be on the same team if the teacher is approaching it from OP’s perspective. It’s an attitude that will put people in the defensive immediately and actually demonstrates a lot of arrogance. Do you really think a teacher who has spent a few months in a classroom environment with a kid is going to know MORE than the child’s parent? Come on.

I mean, they know more about the child in the school environment than the parents do. YOU “come on.” Good thing my older sister’s teacher spoke up to say she was very withdrawn and checked-out at school after skipping a grade, even though at home she was the oldest/bossy/controlling/always getting her way and very outspoken. When my parents realized that skipping a grade had such a big impact on her socially and academically, they worked with her teacher on strategies to make the adjustment period easier. -NP

Sounds like the teacher in this case approached the parents as authorities on their own kid and your parents respond using all the information at their disposal, including what the teacher shared.

No one said teachers don’t have important insight. OP is positioning herself as the ultimate arbiter of a child’s situation, when she just has a piece of the puzzle. And your story also illustrates something important for teachers to remember— parents are the ones who are going to be dealing with any issues long term. A teacher gets nine months of classroom time. So the teacher’s input, while valuable, is just part of a much larger picture. I’ve had teachers in subsequent years who had very different takes on how best to address issues with my kid (who is not remotely shy generally but has serious social anxiety in school settings only). It’s not that one teacher was wrong and the other right. It’s that they each got a snapshot and offered their best insight on that glimpse of my kid. I’m not going to dismiss it but I’m not always going to do exactly what they say because I’m also incorporating info from other teachers, specialists, and my own observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

[Anonymous]

Also, severe constipation can look like autism to an untrained eye. Lack of vision correction can present itself as a student with learning difficulties. Teacher – stay in your lane.

Signed, another teacher who is also a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

I have news for you. There is not that much a parent can do at home for behavioral issues at school. The school has to take the lead, including with an IEP or BIP as appropriate. The reason parents don’t listen to teachers is that teachers almost always present information as if they are complaining about kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

If a child is hurting other children at school, the school needs a way to keep kids safe even if the parents won’t listen. It should surprise no one that a child who is super dysregulated in the classroom might have parents who are resistant to hearing about it.

But OP (are you OP) was not just talking about a situation with bullying behaviors. She literally said “maybe your kid needs to learn not to be a victim”! She’s arguing that she is the final authority on all kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn’t get my child help this year because appointments with the appropriate doctors were very hard to come by and because we can’t afford the hundreds (thousands?) of dollars needed for a useful dose of counseling. That’s why I didn’t get the help my child needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, severe constipation can look like autism to an untrained eye. Lack of vision correction can present itself as a student with learning difficulties. Teacher – stay in your lane.

Signed, another teacher who is also a parent.

+1, this stuff happens all the time. Turns out teachers are not all-knowing beings.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in the classroom with teachers. Not impressed and not entirely to be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

No I paid a person to tell me my child was dyslexic.

When she observed the classroom she made suggestions to the teacher (and principal). The design of the desks, the order of the classes, the use of the board vs lecture, etc.

The teacher wasn’t as defensive as you she used all the suggestions to make her classroom a better environment for learning.

But you fo demonstrate his the teacher can be the problem and simple suggestions to improve are net with hostility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

I have news for you. There is not that much a parent can do at home for behavioral issues at school. The school has to take the lead, including with an IEP or BIP as appropriate. The reason parents don’t listen to teachers is that teachers almost always present information as if they are complaining about kids.

Seriously ^^^ this.

You are a teacher, you should know how to deal with “bullying” and behavior issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in the classroom with teachers. Not impressed and not entirely to be trusted.

Definitely not the sharpest tools in the shed. I should know, I work with them!

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen teachers let kids bully.