How do you SAH but not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare-hating crazies?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs.

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take is ridiculous. What a drama queen you are.

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.

You literally cannot read.

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s.

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP.

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.

Okay, dear, let’s read the title of the thread again slowly… “… how do you not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare hating crazies”. Clearly she is not talking about herself or all SAHMs.

Yea, but why does she care about this at all? Why do you and OP thinks it’s a rational thing to do for a member of a group to go around proving to those outside that group that they are not like the other members of the group?

Trust me, no one in their right mind wants to be in the nanny and daycare hating SAHM group.

I hear you, OP. Like the crazy on the other thread today who referred to daycare as throwing your child to the daycare wolves.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs.

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take is ridiculous. What a drama queen you are.

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.

You literally cannot read.

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s.

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP.

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.

Okay, dear, let’s read the title of the thread again slowly… “… how do you not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare hating crazies”. Clearly she is not talking about herself or all SAHMs.

NP. It’s f-ing bizarre that she would even create this thread in the first place, so I don’t get all the PPs parsing “not ALL SAHMs are crazy”. OP wants everyone to know she’d educated, has a trust fund, and she isn’t one of “those” SAHMs. It’s just a bunch of weird, insecure hand-wringing.

The answer is this, OP: you can’t control what other people think of you, so let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop thinking about what other people think of you as much as you can, OP. It is very freeing. I was a SAHM in NOVA for years, and you need a thick skin to do that there. Know your quiet purpose, which is to raise good humans. Your kid attaches to the nanny because the nanny is someone new who brings a different energy. Translation: exciting. That's all. You are still center of your kid's world, full stop. You are Mom. Never forget that. Have a little confidence.

Nope. Sorry. I do not want people thinking I am a trumper, for example, and that has nothing to do with my self-esteem. That is what OP is saying about not wanting to be be seen as a crazy SAHM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs.

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take is ridiculous. What a drama queen you are.

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.

You literally cannot read.

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s.

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP.

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.

Okay, dear, let’s read the title of the thread again slowly… “… how do you not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare hating crazies”. Clearly she is not talking about herself or all SAHMs.

NP. It’s f-ing bizarre that she would even create this thread in the first place, so I don’t get all the PPs parsing “not ALL SAHMs are crazy”. OP wants everyone to know she’d educated, has a trust fund, and she isn’t one of “those” SAHMs. It’s just a bunch of weird, insecure hand-wringing.

The answer is this, OP: you can’t control what other people think of you, so let it go.

Are you a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who denies the existence of nanny-hating and daycare-hating SAHMs on DCUM must be brand new to the site or have serious reading comprehension issues.

This.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs.

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take is ridiculous. What a drama queen you are.

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.

You literally cannot read.

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s.

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP.

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.

Idk, I think the SAHMs of this thread are providing a very clear object lesson on why OP is right to worry.

What exactly is YOUR suggestion for helping OP to not feel judged?

Well, obviously don’t be like a lot of the SAHMs in this thread. This is easy if you are a good person who makes an effort to be friends with a lot of different families who do different things. Second of all, she needs to focus inward and focus on why she is staying home, not why she is so much better than moms who work. Again, not hard to do for normal people, but hard for a lot of DCUM crazies. Third, she needs to learn to spot the crazies in the wild, both SAH and WOH, and avoid them. Fourth, she needs to listen for people who say judgmental things in real life and be prepared to say something. That happens rarely, but does sometimes happen, and you want to be prepared to be on the right side in that situation.

Some of the SAHMs of this thread are basically validating OPs concerns by their responses, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

You are totally bizarre. There is literally nothing in OPs post that could lead to a scenario like this.

Do you live in an imaginary world? Can you even read?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.[/quote]

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

[/quote]

This right here is the problem. You have illustrated both of the “crazy” ends of the dcum mommy wars debate. But you don’t seem to think the WOHM is crazy. You need to realize they’re both crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

Basically waiting for the SAHM to start bashing other mothers with nannies or who use daycare. And OP will have to mention her independent means and degree to the WOHM or risk getting “the financial independence” lecture from the WOHM (who could also be a nanny hater, btw - lots of those nanny-hating WOHMs).

You have to see how true these examples are, PP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs.

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take is ridiculous. What a drama queen you are.

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.

You literally cannot read.

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s.

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP.

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.

Okay, dear, let’s read the title of the thread again slowly… “… how do you not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare hating crazies”. Clearly she is not talking about herself or all SAHMs.

NP. It’s f-ing bizarre that she would even create this thread in the first place, so I don’t get all the PPs parsing “not ALL SAHMs are crazy”. OP wants everyone to know she’d educated, has a trust fund, and she isn’t one of “those” SAHMs. It’s just a bunch of weird, insecure hand-wringing.

The answer is this, OP: you can’t control what other people think of you, so let it go.

Are you a SAHM?

Nope, WAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

You are totally bizarre. There is literally nothing in OPs post that could lead to a scenario like this.

Do you live in an imaginary world? Can you even read?

Can you read?????? Her post is about how she makes it clear to working moms that she’s not one of the crazy SAHM’s! Her plan right now seems to be to declare she has a trust fund and a degree in early childhood education. I’m wondering how that plays out in real life social situations given that most other SAHM’s don’t have those things.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.[/quote]

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

[/quote]

This right here is the problem. You have illustrated both of the “crazy” ends of the dcum mommy wars debate. But you don’t seem to think the WOHM is crazy. You need to realize they’re both crazy. [/quote]

OP is a SAHM! Why would she be worried about being lumped in with the crazy WOHMs?

I think it’s very telling that OP had to mention her trust fund and college degree to avoid the judgement and lectures from the WOHMs.

[Anonymous]

So if the SAHM on the playground with the art history degree starts talking about how glad she is that she is a superior parent to the working parents and how terrible the other parents are because they used daycare or a nanny or whatever, OP will have a choice. She can join in the nastiness or she can say that she doesn’t agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

Basically waiting for the SAHM to start bashing other mothers with nannies or who use daycare. And OP will have to mention her independent means and degree to the WOHM or risk getting “the financial independence” lecture from the WOHM (who could also be a nanny hater, btw - lots of those nanny-hating WOHMs).

You have to see how true these examples are, PP.

I don’t think this happens in real life. But it sounds like OP wants to get out ahead of it before anyone even says anything. I’m just wondering how she is going to do this without alienating other perfectly nice SAHM’s who haven’t said anything about Nannie’s or daycare.