How do you SAH but not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare-hating crazies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

You are totally bizarre. There is literally nothing in OPs post that could lead to a scenario like this.

Do you live in an imaginary world? Can you even read?

Can you read?????? Her post is about how she makes it clear to working moms that she’s not one of the crazy SAHM’s! Her plan right now seems to be to declare she has a trust fund and a degree in early childhood education. I’m wondering how that plays out in real life social situations given that most other SAHM’s don’t have those things.

NO, HER POST IS NOT ABOUT THAT AT ALL!!!

The trust fund and degree mentions are in place to fend off the WOHM crazies!!! How can you not see that?! It’s clear and OP stated it.

[Anonymous]

My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

Basically waiting for the SAHM to start bashing other mothers with nannies or who use daycare. And OP will have to mention her independent means and degree to the WOHM or risk getting “the financial independence” lecture from the WOHM (who could also be a nanny hater, btw - lots of those nanny-hating WOHMs).

You have to see how true these examples are, PP.

I don’t think this happens in real life. But it sounds like OP wants to get out ahead of it before anyone even says anything. I’m just wondering how she is going to do this without alienating other perfectly nice SAHM’s who haven’t said anything about Nannie’s or daycare.

I was a SAHM who quit a playgroup because I did not like the nasty way the SAHMs in the playgroup were talking about WOHMs. It happens occasionally. You have to be prepared to stand up for what you think is right.

[Anonymous]

OP, why do you give a single damn what they think? Why are you justifying your decision to be a SAH to anyone, much less to DCUM? Why does it matter that you have an ECE degree or a trust fund? Is there something wrong with SAHs with no ECE degree or trust fund? The majority of people in their offices or at the playground do not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

You are totally bizarre. There is literally nothing in OPs post that could lead to a scenario like this.

Do you live in an imaginary world? Can you even read?

Can you read?????? Her post is about how she makes it clear to working moms that she’s not one of the crazy SAHM’s! Her plan right now seems to be to declare she has a trust fund and a degree in early childhood education. I’m wondering how that plays out in real life social situations given that most other SAHM’s don’t have those things.

NO, HER POST IS NOT ABOUT THAT AT ALL!!!

The trust fund and degree mentions are in place to fend off the WOHM crazies!!! How can you not see that?! It’s clear and OP stated it.

But she is validating it as a real argument. She’s saying they’re right and she’s one of the good ones bc she has a trust fund and a degree, unlike the “other” SAHM. It’s like if she was a working mom who said, “don’t worry, my mom takes care of my baby while I’m at work. I’m not one of those working moms who uses a nanny or daycare.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you give a single damn what they think? Why are you justifying your decision to be a SAH to anyone, much less to DCUM? Why does it matter that you have an ECE degree or a trust fund? Is there something wrong with SAHs with no ECE degree or trust fund? The majority of people in their offices or at the playground do not care.

And another one missed the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Why are you making assumptions about others when you don’t want anyone to make any about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you give a single damn what they think? Why are you justifying your decision to be a SAH to anyone, much less to DCUM? Why does it matter that you have an ECE degree or a trust fund? Is there something wrong with SAHs with no ECE degree or trust fund? The majority of people in their offices or at the playground do not care.

And another one missed the point.

Clarify it then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

Yeah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

Do you think that’s because OP posted at the top that she has a trust fund?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

Do you think that’s because OP posted at the top that she has a trust fund?

+1. And you know the attacks from WOHMs happen on other threads like the PhD/JD graduate student who was taking a year off to stay home with her baby after she passed the fricking bar exam!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

Do you think that’s because OP posted at the top that she has a trust fund?

Maybe because OP’s title and first post were focused on the SAH crazies and only later did she mention not wanting to be attacked by WOHs who comment about being dependent on working spouses(and let’s not pretend that that is not a common response on these types of threads).

OP needs to stop trying to justify herself to everyone on DCUM. People just aren’t paying that much attention. Everyone has their own lives.

[Anonymous]

I read the OP and thought she was a little precious, then I read the rest of the thread and thought, okay, I see where OP is coming from.