How do you SAH but not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare-hating crazies?
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Anonymous
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I’m a SAHM because I wanted to me and it made sense. I got my degree in Early Childhood Development and taught preschool so I’m actually trained for this. And I have a trust fund so I’m not dependent on my husband.
But on this forum and in real life, I don’t want to get lumped in with the crazies. My favorite caregiver to hang out with at the park is a nanny. I see how amazing she is with her charge and my son. And obviously as a teacher, I see the benefit of group care. Neither are what I want or need at the moment. Anyone else? I get so tired of the judgement and assumptions here (which means probably unspoken in real life). |
Anonymous
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IGNORE DCUM. This is the first lesson of life. People in the real world are friendly. People here distill their envy, resentment and unhappiness into hateful comments they'd not only never make in real life, but more importantly, would rarely feel, even face-to-face with their purported target. |
Anonymous
| I mean, maybe start off by not being so judgmental towards SAHMs and then perhaps your insecurity surrounding that will resolve on its own? |
Anonymous
I've got friends who stayed home and other than assuming they had different financial situations than we do, I've never made any assumptions about them being crazy. DCUM isn't close to real life. |
Anonymous
| I felt the same way as a homeschooling parent for a few years. I have my masters in primary education and we’d been living abroad where teaching my kids myself just made sense and gave us the freedom to travel all over. We moved to this area mid-year so I kept homeschooling until the following September And I was the neighborhood freak! People kept asking me if I was a religious fundamentalist or a doomsayer. |
Anonymous
How is she judgmental about SAHMs? She is one. She just doesn’t want to be associated with the crazy ones! Who would?! |
Anonymous
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Just be nice to everyone. When your kids are little, odds are you'll meet mostly SAHM's and nannies because you'll be able to go to classes, playgrounds etc during the work day. Just like when my kid was in daycare, I knew mostly working moms because that's where I met other moms with kids that age.
Now that my kids are in school, they have friends with working parents and friends with SAH parents. I've never felt particularly judged--but it is sometimes hard to make friends with the SAHM who all had their kids at the same part time pre-school so have known each other for years. So, I guess I'd say just be nice and welcoming of everyone. Don't plan all your playdates for weekdays when they can't make it. On the flip side--don't assume that they don't want to or won't bother to be involved with school events. I love chaperoning and have lots of vacation time to volunteer. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, just steer-clear of insecure mothers/women. You’ll find the fearful ones in WOHMs, SAHMs, nanny-employing Moms, daycare moms.
Those who are sure of their choices don’t get into the nonsense. |
Anonymous
How could you possibly have gotten that from what OP wrote? Honestly asking. |
Anonymous
I don’t think you’re crazy. I’m not good with kids, l like my own kid but would never ever sign up to be a SAHM. You and l have different talents and have made different choices but I’m not judging you. |
Anonymous
I hope this is true. |
Anonymous
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Echoing some of the others:
1) Ignore DCUM - they judge everyone. 2) Try not to put working parents on the defensive by suggesting that there is a best or better way to be a parent. Your statement about why you want to be home with your kids is great because it is very specific to you. 3) Understand that when you do make friends with WOH parents, their time is going to be limited, but that doesn't mean they don't want to form a friendship. I had a great friend who was a SAH mother when I was working. I loved spending time with her, but her regular invitations for me to "play hookey" from work to get together with her were stressful. |
Anonymous
| Most people do not fall into either side of that "daycare/nanny hating" or "assuming a sahm is a daycare/nanny hater" |
Anonymous
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Don’t worry, OP. Just be genuine and be yourself, and make friends. The crazies on DCUM on both sides of the WOH/SAH debate don’t have friends in real life, so they construct fantasy worlds where they are the heroes on their own narratives. That’s why you hear them talking negatively about daycares or nannies or SAHMs who are bad role models or whatever. They have to rely very heavily on their fantasy world where their choices make them the unabashed protagonist of that fantasy world, because they are compensating for the lack of trustworthy community. They have to reduce the complexity of the real world into a series of inaccurate heuristics to get through their days because, at heart, they’re really lonely and sad people.
If you work to befriend a diverse group of parents, and you do the work to create community, you won’t fall into this, and those friends won’t see you as one of the crazies. |
Anonymous
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Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.
Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”? |