Reply to How do you SAH but not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare-hating crazies?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dcum is a silly bubble. I am in another small social network for an exercise thing I do, and the positivity there toward SAHM is stunning compared to dcum. In my real life, I know a ton of SAHM plus women who wish they could stay home but are just working bc their job has the health insurance. Nationwide polls show a minority of moms prefer working full time.

Like other PP have said, you yourself sound like you dislike other SAHM’s…. Like, YOU have a good reason to stay home but everyone else is “crazy”?[/quote]

I stayed home and I think this take is ridiculously defensive. I get so tired of the absurd hair-trigger defensiveness of DCUM SAHMs and I was a SAHM for years. There is literally nowhere in her post where she said anything close to “everyone else is crazy,” and nothing that suggests she dislikes other SAHMs. [/quote]

Ridiculous? I read it as “I have a degree in EC and a trust fund. Anyone who doesn’t is ‘one of the crazies.’ I don’t like the other SAHM. I prefer hanging out with a nanny instead of other SAHM.”[/quote]

So thanks for being an object lesson in absurd hair-trigger defensiveness, I guess? Your take [i] is [/I] ridiculous. What a drama queen you are. [/quote]

Her post is literally about how she feels bad about herself due to dcum and wants everyone to know she is not like all the other SAHM who post here.[/quote]

You literally cannot read. [/quote]

How else would you interpret “I don’t want to be lumped in with the crazies”? Most SAHM don’t have a trust fund or a degree in early childhood education. There’s “crazy” on both sides of the dcum “mommy wars.” I’m not sure why OP thinks the only crazies are the SAHM’s. [/quote]

I’m not sure how you get through your days so willing to take offense at absolutely nothing, but I guess you are one of the SAHMs OP apparently has good reason to worry about being lumped in with. OP is obviously not saying all SAHMs are crazy — that is your hyper defensive imagination at work, but has little to do with what OP wrote. She is clearly talking about a small group of angry and unhinged DCUM posters that all rational DCUM readers know exist. And she also didn’t say anything about only SAHMs being crazy — that’s entirely your projection. OP is a SAHM so why, in the context of her post, would she even talk about any other group of crazy people? There is no need for the purpose of her post.

It’s like you want to demonstrate why OP is right to be worried or something. You sound literally nuts.

[/quote]

I’m not offended. I’m trying to help OP with her feelings of feeling judged. I think part of her problem is she has internalized some of these judgments about SAHM’s that she hears on dcum. I think it would help her to not look at any other moms as “crazy.” I think she feels judged because she thinks there is truth to the judgments she hears about SAHM’s. She believes there is a group of “crazy” SAHM’s and she wants working moms to know she’s not one of the “crazy” ones. How about start by questioning this idea of the “crazy” SAHM?[/quote]

As someone who has both stayed home and worked, I don’t see any harm in acknowledging that some DCUM SAHMs are crazy. They are. It is obvious from their unhinged posts. There are also crazy WOHMs. Let’s be honest, please. Pretending there aren’t some absolutely insane SAHMs posting is just plain silly. And of course there are also insane WOHMs, but OP isn’t one, so I’m ignoring them for now.

It does OP no good to pretend that this is not reality here. You are gaslighting her, not actually helping OP. [/quote]

The crazies on both sides are a minority. If OP looked around in real life (and in most posts on dcum), she would realize most SAHM’s are not crazy. And if she knew that, she wouldn’t worry so much about being “lumped in.” But it doesn’t sound like she’s actually looking around. It sounds like she’s very focused on being liked by the WOHM’s of dcum.[/quote]

Idk, I think the SAHMs of this thread are providing a very clear object lesson on why OP is right to worry. [/quote]

What exactly is YOUR suggestion for helping OP to not feel judged? [/quote]

Well, obviously don’t be like a lot of the SAHMs in this thread. This is easy if you are a good person who makes an effort to be friends with a lot of different families who do different things. Second of all, she needs to focus inward and focus on why she is staying home, not why she is so much better than moms who work. Again, not hard to do for normal people, but hard for a lot of DCUM crazies. Third, she needs to learn to spot the crazies in the wild, both SAH and WOH, and avoid them. Fourth, she needs to listen for people who say judgmental things in real life and be prepared to say something. That happens rarely, but does sometimes happen, and you want to be prepared to be on the right side in that situation.

Some of the SAHMs of this thread are basically validating OPs concerns by their responses, unfortunately. [/quote]

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