How do you SAH but not get lumped in with the nanny and daycare-hating crazies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

Then what does all the trust find and education stuff have to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

Oh my God. I cannot believe you felt this analogy was remotely appropriate.

I’m seriously floored you thought this was an acceptable analogy. No matter what, SAHMs being judged is NOTHING like the horrific racism faced by black people. Your comparison is horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, OP, seems you haven’t been clear on which group you would like to avoid being part of or perceived to be part of by some other group (?). Can you clarify?

As a parent who has been SAH/WFH/WOH, my advice is to stop assuming all SAHs/WFHs/WOHs are all the same and stop caring what others think of you just because you are one of the above.

OP here. Let me be clearer: I do not want anyone to think I am a nanny-hating or daycare-hating SAHM because I SAH. I also do not want to get lectured by WOHMs about not thinking of my future or depending on my husband.

OP, say you’re at the playground talking to a WOHM and a SAHM. The SAHM does not have a trust fund and only has a BA in art history. What is your plan in this situation to show the WOHM you’re not “one of the crazies”?

You are totally bizarre. There is literally nothing in OPs post that could lead to a scenario like this.

Do you live in an imaginary world? Can you even read?

Can you read?????? Her post is about how she makes it clear to working moms that she’s not one of the crazy SAHM’s! Her plan right now seems to be to declare she has a trust fund and a degree in early childhood education. I’m wondering how that plays out in real life social situations given that most other SAHM’s don’t have those things.

NO, HER POST IS NOT ABOUT THAT AT ALL!!!

The trust fund and degree mentions are in place to fend off the WOHM crazies!!! How can you not see that?! It’s clear and OP stated it.

Are you the OP sock puppeting? If not, why are you making so many hysterical response posts full of exclamation points and ALL CAPS like this? Yes, it is obvious by the writing style that they are all you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

Oh my God. I cannot believe you felt this analogy was remotely appropriate.

I’m seriously floored you thought this was an acceptable analogy. No matter what, SAHMs being judged is NOTHING like the horrific racism faced by black people. Your comparison is horrifying.

Fine. Report it. Delete it. I’m just trying to make an analogy. Here: “I’m a mechanic who went to trade school. But I love to read and go to museums. My family thinks all mechanics are dumb. How do I make sure they know I’m not one of ‘those’ mechanics?” You don’t. You don’t validate the stereotype that mechanics are dumb. If you lead with “… but don’t worry, I like to read and go to museums,” you are revealing an internalized shame about being a mechanic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

Then what does all the trust find and education stuff have to do with it?

She’s stated that it’s to stop the inevitable lectures from the WOHMs on financial independence and living off her husband. She mentions her major and prior job to nip the “wasted degree” and mommy-tracked lectures from the WOHMs, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

Oh my God. I cannot believe you felt this analogy was remotely appropriate.

I’m seriously floored you thought this was an acceptable analogy. No matter what, SAHMs being judged is NOTHING like the horrific racism faced by black people. Your comparison is horrifying.

Fine. Report it. Delete it. I’m just trying to make an analogy. Here: “I’m a mechanic who went to trade school. But I love to read and go to museums. My family thinks all mechanics are dumb. How do I make sure they know I’m not one of ‘those’ mechanics?” You don’t. You don’t validate the stereotype that mechanics are dumb. If you lead with “… but don’t worry, I like to read and go to museums,” you are revealing an internalized shame about being a mechanic.

Translation: “I’ve got such a victim complex about being a SAHM that I see no problem with my horrifying racist analogy and won’t apologize because my victim complex is more important than anything else. Oh and I’m going to double down with a classist analogy while I am at it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

Then what does all the trust find and education stuff have to do with it?

She’s stated that it’s to stop the inevitable lectures from the WOHMs on financial independence and living off her husband. She mentions her major and prior job to nip the “wasted degree” and mommy-tracked lectures from the WOHMs, too.

Right, because she agrees with them those most SAHM’s are dependent on their husbands, and she’s trying to say “don’t worry, I’m not like them.” 99.9999% of SAHM’s do not have trust funds. Does OP think those people shouldn’t stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

Then what does all the trust find and education stuff have to do with it?

She’s stated that it’s to stop the inevitable lectures from the WOHMs on financial independence and living off her husband. She mentions her major and prior job to nip the “wasted degree” and mommy-tracked lectures from the WOHMs, too.

Right, because she agrees with them those most SAHM’s are dependent on their husbands, and she’s trying to say “don’t worry, I’m not like them.” 99.9999% of SAHM’s do not have trust funds. Does OP think those people shouldn’t stay home?

I give up. You want to be offended so be offended. No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

Oh my God. I cannot believe you felt this analogy was remotely appropriate.

I’m seriously floored you thought this was an acceptable analogy. No matter what, SAHMs being judged is NOTHING like the horrific racism faced by black people. Your comparison is horrifying.

Fine. Report it. Delete it. I’m just trying to make an analogy. Here: “I’m a mechanic who went to trade school. But I love to read and go to museums. My family thinks all mechanics are dumb. How do I make sure they know I’m not one of ‘those’ mechanics?” You don’t. You don’t validate the stereotype that mechanics are dumb. If you lead with “… but don’t worry, I like to read and go to museums,” you are revealing an internalized shame about being a mechanic.

Translation: “I’ve got such a victim complex about being a SAHM that I see no problem with my horrifying racist analogy and won’t apologize because my victim complex is more important than anything else. Oh and I’m going to double down with a classist analogy while I am at it.”

Both my examples were about how those stereotypes are untrue… but your knee jerk wokeness is very impressive. It’s not about me being a SAHM and feeling like a victim. If a WOHM said she felt judged and posted about it like OP did, I would make a similar point. Almost everyone is a “victim” of some stereotype, some much more harmful than others. But the answer is never to validate the stereotype by explaining how you are different from all the other people referenced in the stereotype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

I don’t disagree generally that these are always how these threads go, but I don’t see any WOHMs talking about financial independence in this thread. Plenty of weirdly hyper defensiveness from the SAHMs though.

That’s because you are blind to how OP’s post is fundamentally anti-SAHM. Let me give you an analogous post that reads just like OP’s post to me:

“I’m a married black mom. I live in a town with racist white people who think all black children don’t have fathers. How do I make sure the white people know I’m not one of ‘those’ single black moms?” You don’t! You reject the premise altogether.

No, PP, it’s right in the title “ the nanny and daycare hating SAHMs”. That’s clearly not all SAHMs.

But be insulted if it helps you. No one cares.

Then what does all the trust find and education stuff have to do with it?

She’s stated that it’s to stop the inevitable lectures from the WOHMs on financial independence and living off her husband. She mentions her major and prior job to nip the “wasted degree” and mommy-tracked lectures from the WOHMs, too.

Right, because she agrees with them those most SAHM’s are dependent on their husbands, and she’s trying to say “don’t worry, I’m not like them.” 99.9999% of SAHM’s do not have trust funds. Does OP think those people shouldn’t stay home?

I give up. You want to be offended so be offended. No one cares.

I’m truly not offended. I just think OP will never feel right with herself if she believes she judgments about SAHM’s. And from what I can see, she does. I’m not the one creating a whole post about dcum mommy wars and how much they bother me.

[Anonymous]

very creative troll - WM here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My takeaway: SAHMs are defensive and hyper-sensitive and WOHMs are one-note shrews harping on financial independence. Poor OP even had to justify her degree to prove it wasn’t wasted.

None of us are coming out of this thread looking good, ladies.

Truth! If I had a dollar for every "what if something happens and you lose spouse's income, THEN WHAT?" I'd be financially independant. But just because I don't register it, doesn't mean I haven't heard the "good for you for being with your kids" as if my wohm friends aren't just as or more present for their kids.