Is our 23 y/o daughter being used and led on by her 23 y/o medical student boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, she has 10 years before this becomes a real mistake, if it does. She would be able to recover.

Average age UMC women marry is 26 or 27. Plus a courting process prior.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound totally retro in some way, as if your daughters main goal in life is to snag a prime husband. Sure, your partner is critical, but get out of the 1950s mindset.

I think it would be a red flag if her boyfriend is never coming to visit her, especially if she is paying for the flights and he isn’t and he is well off. Medical school is intense but you still get breaks.
Or if she seems worried he may not be faithful or has openly stated that and she is faithful.

So long as the relationship is balanced in terms of interest and commitment there is nothing wrong here. The relationship will take its course. She is so young. How long have they even been in a long distance relationship?



If they are both committed to each oirhe

[Anonymous]

It appears that this young man is not showing the requisite amount of reciprocal effort or intention and this coupled with the whole male doctor-philanderer /eager RNs around every corner trope is causing the unease. Not likely that someone working on a Ph.D. in the humanities would elicit such a maternal response.

[Anonymous]

Mind your own business. Despicable.

[Anonymous]

Sexist to think that men are the ones to "use"?

[Anonymous]

Should a young man from a rich family be paying for her flights to visit him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It appears that this young man is not showing the requisite amount of reciprocal effort or intention and this coupled with the whole male doctor-philanderer /eager RNs around every corner trope is causing the unease. Not likely that someone working on a Ph.D. in the humanities would elicit such a maternal response.

LOL is this a real person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

23 is young to be with your "forever person"?? Since when? lol

OP - be like Elsa and let it go. Your daughter will figure out her own future.

[Anonymous]

Your post does seem odd OP. If all a guy wanted was sex, he could go to any bar + tell people he was in med school. You have to have more faith in your dd and back off. What will be--- will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post does seem odd OP. If all a guy wanted was sex, he could go to any bar + tell people he was in med school. You have to have more faith in your dd and back off. What will be--- will be.

Yeah, that’s kinda her whole point- she is worried he is super eligible.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal.

She needs to make her own mistakes. If she gets burned on this guy it’s a great opportunity for her to see why she got hooked on him and how to better watch out for herself. She will not thank you for meddling, it will totally damage your relationship that you don’t have faith in her judgment.

The most you can do is keep listening and build her up as a person so when she needs somewhere to go she has you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post does seem odd OP. If all a guy wanted was sex, he could go to any bar + tell people he was in med school. You have to have more faith in your dd and back off. What will be--- will be.

Not really. When I hear med school all I think about is crazy student loans and crazy hours. There are much more pleasant paths to an UMC life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post does seem odd OP. If all a guy wanted was sex, he could go to any bar + tell people he was in med school. You have to have more faith in your dd and back off. What will be--- will be.

Not really. When I hear med school all I think about is crazy student loans and crazy hours. There are much more pleasant paths to an UMC life.

Your post is weird too. These are two actual people who have been dating for years and have actual feelings for one another. Generally in those type of situations you don't clinically evaluate the other person's job in a vacuum comparing it to 'other paths to an UMC life'. Most people don't think that way at all, and certainly not 23 year olds who are in love.

[Anonymous]

Men are babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, she has 10 years before this becomes a real mistake, if it does. She would be able to recover.

Average age UMC women marry is 26 or 27. Plus a courting process prior.

Average marriage age is now 29. For UMC it’s early 30s.