Is our 23 y/o daughter being used and led on by her 23 y/o medical student boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Does he still post social media photos with her? When was the last time? That's usually a telltale sign he's signaling to others he's taken or not. If he's not posting any photos with her, it's easier to play the field and pretend the old college girlfriend is no more.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I did transatlantic long distance for 4 years when he was in medical school and I was in law school/clerking from 22/23-26/27. We obviously saw each other much less often than your daughter sees her boyfriend. We got married at 27/28 and now have 3 kids and have been married well over a decade. Sometimes things work out. Feel free to talk to your daughter about how she envisions the future/what she wants the end game to be (or if she doesn’t know yet, which is fine, check in later), but actually listen/don’t criticize unless you hear something seriously amiss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I did transatlantic long distance for 4 years when he was in medical school and I was in law school/clerking from 22/23-26/27. We obviously saw each other much less often than your daughter sees her boyfriend. We got married at 27/28 and now have 3 kids and have been married well over a decade. Sometimes things work out. Feel free to talk to your daughter about how she envisions the future/what she wants the end game to be (or if she doesn’t know yet, which is fine, check in later), but actually listen/don’t criticize unless you hear something seriously amiss.

When did he propose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he still post social media photos with her? When was the last time? That's usually a telltale sign he's signaling to others he's taken or not. If he's not posting any photos with her, it's easier to play the field and pretend the old college girlfriend is no more.

This is quite good. May have trouble snooping if his setting is private, though. My daughter talks about being “insta-official”

[Anonymous]

Long distance is way easier now than it used to be. They may be FaceTiming every night, texting constantly throughout the day, tagging each other on social media, etc. to stay connected. But regardless, if he's not really committed, I doubt he will be able to string her along without her figuring it out for four years. They will break up long before graduation.

(Although if they do break up, it does not necessarily mean he wasn't committed or was using her for sex - which you seem weirdly fixated on, btw - it could just mean that long-distance is hard and people in their early 20s break up a lot).