Is our 23 y/o daughter being used and led on by her 23 y/o medical student boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

Are you a parent of a daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

Are you a parent of a daughter?

Yes. She is 24.

[Anonymous]

JFC!?!

I’m glad when my kids are in committed relationships instead of dating scene!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

If financially independent, the money isn't Mom's business, either.

I met my "forever person" (really? I'm not a rescue pit bull) at 23, by the way.

Then I'm sure you're well aware that it's unusual.

No it’s not most people meet their forever person before they are 25.

[Anonymous]

I think 23 is too young for a long distance relationship. Maybe they will meet up again if it’s meant to be. I agree she shouldn’t be spending all her money and free time with him trying to make that work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the money she is pouring into this for flights than the sex. That is very young to meet your forever person.

If financially independent, the money isn't Mom's business, either.

I met my "forever person" (really? I'm not a rescue pit bull) at 23, by the way.

Then I'm sure you're well aware that it's unusual.

No it’s not most people meet their forever person before they are 25.

Well…most people meet their first spouse before 25, perhaps. Forever is a long time, especially if you start that young.

[Anonymous]

She's young. It really doesn't matter. She'll likely date many more people in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

Are you a parent of a daughter?

Yes. She is 24.

Well, you’re lucky not to be an inveterate worrier.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

Are you a parent of a daughter?

Yes. She is 24.

Well, you’re lucky not to be an inveterate worrier.

At some point, you need to let it go. I do not know what you are trying to accomplish by chasing this rabbit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering is OP is jerking us around.

Are you a parent of a daughter?

Yes and I do not think of her as a weak mind individual helpless when in front of her boyfriend. OP’s dd is 23 and a medical student. I do not understand you and other posters have such a low opinion of women.

[Anonymous]

Op, she has 10 years before this becomes a real mistake, if it does. She would be able to recover.

[Anonymous]

1) It is weird that you keep calling this 'her prime'. Both because of the implications on your daughters worth and because she's 23, she has plenty of time to date someone lame and then get serious

2) It is bizarre you're worried about her flying out to have sex with the guy. It's her boyfriend, seems like the definition of consensual

3) This is a standard situation for people on a medicine track. They might break up, they might not, but I don't think anyone is using anyone here.

4) While you could perhaps once, mention that long distance relationships are hard or something, there is NOTHING to be gained from a parent trying to tell a 23 year old how to manage their romantic life, especially if they are in love. They are highly likely to just cut you out of that part of their life as a result. And if they don't then you're all going to end up far too overly enmeshed and that will make future relationships harder in a different way

5) Parenting an adult means letting them make mistakes and being there to help pick up the pieces, not clearing the way of obstacles for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be about her supporting him, and being worried about him dumping her after he finished school/residency (which happened to a family member). But it's about her . . . having sex with him? Your alternative is for them to break up because . . . he is in medical school? Generations of mothers just gave you the side eye.

No, you're right, that is the concern. She's being used as a booty call until he inevitably meets someone at his large university, whether that's soon or 3 or 4 years from now and he only reveals it when he dashes off to a residency.

You know he could probably find a more convenient booty call if he wanted to, right? One that lives in town. And he could always meet someone else, even if your daughter moved there and moved in.

OP, if you have concerns, you can express them gently, once. Ask her if she’s happy in the relationship and getting her needs met (and no, I’m not talking about sex). Tell her you feel the effort to keep the relationship going seems to be one sided and you don’t want to see her get hurt. She can take your feelings into consideration, or not.

But be careful in how you voice the concerns and be aware she may share the conversation with the boyfriend. If they do stay together and marry, you may forget, but he may not. I will never have anything more than a civil/polite relationship with my in laws because of crappy things they said about my character when my now husband and I were dating in our twenties.

More convenient than a pretty young woman who lives 1,000 miles away flying to him, paying for the flights, having sex for a couple of days, and then flying away? No, it actually does not get any more convenient than that.

[Anonymous]

If they do stay together, anything negative you say is going to hurt your relationship with your daughter and this guy. And they might stay together: my sister met a guy on study abroad, did long distance for 7 years (college, then one went to med school and the other got a PhD), finally lived together, and got married a few years after that.

Your daughter and her bf will probably break up just because most people don't marry the person they are dating at age 23. But that's a decision they get to make. Your job is to listen to what your daughter says and otherwise stay the hell out of it. Otherwise it will certainly affect your relationship with your daughter.